Changing The World One Pansy At A Time!

Thursday, November 30, 2006

Isn't That "Thjis"?

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Congratulations to MATT & ANNETTE LAUER on the birth of their new baby boy!
Obviously Annette is getting back at Matt for his roving eye by bestowing the Dutch name,"THJIS" pronounced: "TICE" on the little tot. Good Luck in 6th Grade Master Lauer!

Check out this Youtube video of DANNY DEVITO's drunken appearance on THE VIEW!
Fresh from an all-nighter with GEORGE CLOONEY, the diminutive actor kept his promise to appear on the ABC daytime show. He then proceeded to do an impersonation of GEORGE W. BUSH that he kept right on doing despite BARBARA WALTER'S & The girls best efforts to move him along! Hysterical! This reminds me of why THE TONIGHT SHOW with JOHNNY CARSON or even THE MERV GRIFFIN SHOW were so memorable....because the stars were usually at least half "in the bag" and you always had the feeling that virtually anything could happen! A far cry from the predictablity of the current TONIGHT SHOW with JAY LENO were the sadly sober stars show up for 5 minutes, show a clip or plug their book & then can't be bothered to "move down the couch" but have to leave early usually with a "Premiere" excuse! Boooriiingg!!

or How about this creepy picture from the TOMKAT Wedding??? That's Tom & NICOLE's son, CONNER & Tom's "BEST MAN" & head of Scientology, DAVID MISCAVAIGE. Check out Tom's "throne"...what a queen! Photo coutrtesy of CELEBITCHY

Another great BlogA SOCIALITE'S LIFE sums up recent event with the headline:

One of the delights of this holiday season is, of course, the FOOD! And imported specialty items only add to the festive atmosphere. And nothing says, "Happy Birthday Baby Jesus" like the yummy Italian fruitcake known as "Panettone" Purge all thoughts of that dense doorstop we Americans know as fruitcake. This light & airy, buttery, sweet (but not TOO sweet) cake, can be served as desert, a snack, or a scrumptious Christmas Morning Breakfast. And THEGAYGARDENER can get you an exclusive label WHOLESALE! Direct from Italy!! Email me & impress all your friends!

If you're Christmas shopping & in LOS ANGELES this weekend, please take part in DEVINE DESIGN. This is an amazing event where top designers donate their inventories to be sold at deep discounts (Everything is at least 50% off retail)& ALL profits are donated to PROJECT ANGELFOOD. Angelfood is the only free meal delivery service in Los Angeles County that delivers, hot, healthy, meals every day to those affected by HIV/AIDS. I guarantee you will save hundreds if not thousands of $$$ and be giving back to a very worthwhile charity. The event runs this weekend 11/30 - 12/04 @ 9900 Wilshire Blvd in BEVERLY HILLS (the old ROBINSON'S/MAY Department store!) Tickets are $25 For more information visit DEVINE DESIGN

"It looks like the PAMELA ANDERSON/KID ROCK Divorce is going to get seems they both want the TRAILER!"

Wednesday, November 29, 2006


Did you guys hear that scientists have come up with a "MALE PILL" An oral contraceptive that men can take to prevent pregnancy? There are several versions in the pipe-line but the most promising one seems to be a non-hormonal version that can be taken one hour before sex & stops ejaculation. Is this really a good idea? Knowing men (& I've known a few!) I don't know if we can be trusted to be the responsible ones in the realm of contraception. If we weren't in the habit of carrying around that same condom in our wallets that's been there since High School I don't know if we'd ever even contemplate pregnancy. Plus this new "pill" had better be available online because we men HATE going to the doctor! Now if it were for something important like, VIAGARA, well that's a different story...there's something in it for us!

JOHN LEGUIZAMO is scheduled to be MARTHA STEWART's guest today on MARTHA! I do hope he wears something more attractive than this white & green-striped track suit I spotted him wearing a few weeks ago at JFK when I was in New York.

"BOBBY" A BUST! EMILIO ESTEVEZ's new film about the assasination of BOBBY KENNEDY
faired very poorly at the box office this weekend. PAGE SIX called it a "Holiday Turkey" It grossed an anemic $4.9 Million over the four-day Holiday Weekend & has little chance of scaring up much interest over-seas. I still plan on seeing it, if only for the "camp" factor of seeing DEMI MOORE as an alcoholic chanteuse whose makeup artist is SHARON STONE!!!

Former Florida Congressman MARK FOLEY was spotted over the weekend at one of my favorite L.A. Eateries, DOUGHBOYS! I'm sure there's a joke here, but you know how reluctant I am to go for the easy laugh!

Monday, November 27, 2006

"'Twas Beauty Killed The Beast"

Check out this photo I took today of a "praying mantis" inside a white rose. The picture quality isn't great becasue the wind kept causing the rose to sway; but the darn bug never moved all day. He's probably still in there tonight. I loved the creepy green contrast of the bug against the pure white beauty of the rose.

In a related story...PAMELA ANDERSON has filed for Divorce from singer, KID ROCK, after almost 5 months (!!!) of wedded bliss! If it seems just yesterday the duo was celebrating their love with 3 seperate Wedding Cermonies in 3 cities, that's because IT WAS!!

Disgraced comic MICHAEL RICHARDS, has begun his "APOLOGY 2006 TOUR" & attempted to begin "the healing" with an appearance on JESSE JACKSON's radio show. The Rev. Jackson has called for a boycott of the newly released SEINFELD:SEASON 7 DVD!
ummm... is it just me, or does it seem unlikely, that millions of African-Americans were going to line up to buy a DVD of arguably, the "whitest" sit-com ever?? And does any one lese remember the 1984 Pesidential Campaign where it was the Rev. Jackson himself who needed some "healing" after his slander of Jews & New York?
"Hymies in "Hymietown" ring a bell with anyone?? Jeeez!

"It was so warm in New York today, I was sweating like Michael Richards at The Apollo!" - DAVID LETTERMAN

Friday, November 24, 2006

The Long Black Friday

Hope you had a nice Thanksgiving!

I always thought that "BLACK FRIDAY" referred to the Black Cloud of Depression that usually follows a spending-spree! Apparently it's an accouting term that refers to the "books" suddenly being in the black as opposed to the "red" of debt.
But, Sweet Jesus! There is no way I am waiting in line all night long on Thanksgiving to save 40 % on a sweater that the recipient is likely to return, or purchase some 50% off electronic device that's going to make my life more complicated. Now 75% off Christmas decorations on the 26th...I'll stay up for!
It's all H-Y-P-E!!

Another BONUS to living in California is the JADE Tree. This stuff grows fast, is very hardy, spreads! (you can make a fence out of it!) & at Holiday time actually flowers!! (See pic)

HAPPY 25th BIRTHDAY to THE CHIA PET!! This thing was selling when WOOLWORTH's was in business! Who woulda thunk??

I LOVE an actress that gives her all to the role! But KEISHA CASTLE-HUGHES might be pushing it! You may remember her from 2004's WHALE RIDER for which she became the youngest actress in history, at 14, to be nominated for an ACADEMY AWARD for BEST ACTRESS!
Her latest role is as the Virgin Mary in the upcoming Christmas film: THE NATIVITY STORY! While shooting, the now 16 yr.old found she was "with child!" The father being her 19 yr old high-school sweetheart! NO Virgin Birth this! But she is a very mature young woman so it may all work out!

BREAKING NEWS: So my friends (?) just call me from Hollywood hot-spot, CITIZEN SMITH to tell me that PRINCE HARRY is dining there with some friends (mostly female!)
I can confirm he is not wearing the now legendary NAZI costume! But if one of these fair-weather pals do not deliver a PHOTO to me they can decorate their own damn Christmas trees!!


Wednesday, November 22, 2006


Re: MICHAEL RICHARDS RANT: very sad! But you know how many times I've been called a "fag" or worse, by professionals & non-professionals alike, AND hired GLORIA ALLRED to sue for financial compensation?????? ZERO!!! Did the Malibu police officer who suffered the anti-semitic diatribe by MEL GIBSON hire a high-priced attorney & seek a pay day???? Mr. Richard's victim has lost his moral outrage argument!!! SHAME!

Did CHELSEA CLINTON ever have her purse & cell phone stolen?? Did AMY CARTER?? NO! leave it to one of the BUSH TWINS to set a new precedent!

Attitude of Gratitude

"Times have changed, & we've often re-wound the clock,
since The Puritans got a shock, when they landed on Plymouth Rock!"
-Cole Porter "ANYTHING GOES"


* TOM CRUISE's Craziness
* BRITNEY Divorcing K-FED
* I Still have some hair left
* The Democrats won
* I live in "KOLLYFORNIA"
* Peonies
* SAM, my 13 yr.old English Springer Spaniel, blind & deaf & still hanging on!
* TURKEY (No Carbs! Low-Fat!, Pure protien, & delicious!)
* Pansys
* Botox
* MAX (my cat)
* O.J. crawling back into his cave
* Bronzer
* HOME DEPOT'S Forgiving Return Policy (because even TheGayGardener kills the ocassional plant!)
* All my friends, clients & anyone who reads this Blog!

Bad news all around us, but STILL so much to be grateful for!

ROSIE, RIPA & "THE GAYKIN": A Fairy's Tale

Oh brother!! Have you seen this drama playing out between KELLY RIPA, CLAY AIKEN (or as KATHY GRIFFIN refers to him; “the Gaykin”) & ROSIE O’DONNELL????

Act I : Clay is substituting for Regis on Friday’s “LIVE” (was this GELMAN’s idea?) During an interview with EMMITT SMITH, Clay laughingly places his hand over Kelly’s mouth as if to silence her. Ripa does a slow burn & says: “Ohhhhhhh….that’s a No-No!” & then,“I don’t know where that hand has been, honey!” (See clip)

Act II: On Monday’s “LIVE” Kelly whines to Reeg that Clay was disrespectful, he would have never done this to a man, & just general disgust with Clay. Brags about all the supportive calls she got about the show including an hysterical one from HOWARD STERN & his girlfriend…I can just imagine! (See clip)

ACT III: On Tuesdays’THE VIEW, Rosie takes Ripa to task for what she felt was a “very homophobic” remark. Ripa then calls into The View & scolds Rosie saying her statements were “outrageous” and that Rosie “knows better” Ripa said her main concern was that Clay had shaken hands with many audience members & it’s “cold & flu” season. Then Ripa brags that she was “the only talk show host to NOT ask Clay about his sexuality!” Which Rosie refutes saying she NEVER asked him either.

Here’s what I think:

*I don’t watch “LIVE!” & Never will now!
*Kelly is a B-I-T-C-H!
*Not knowing “where that hand has been” is a statement with a “dirty” subtext…usually having a sexual connotation & this was Kelly’s intention
*Kelly was disrespectful to Clay with her bitter rant to Regis!
*If Kelly was truly concerned about “cold & flu season” she would have mentioned this when she was complaining to Regis
*If it had been George Clooney covering her mouth, she would have loved it!
*The “elephant in the living-room” is Clay’s “closet”. We actually DO know where his hand has been!
*Rosie was right!
*Can we get rid of that fat, Black, STAR JONES-want-2-be who kept interrupting ROSIE & agreeing with Kelly?
*REGIS Should never take another day off!
*Where is Kathy Griffin when you need her?

ROBERT ALTMAN died today at 81, lots of nice tributes but no real mention of my favorite Altman film, NASHVILLE. If you like Country music, or more importantly if you don’t, you just have to rent it!

Monday, November 20, 2006


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Oh God! That wedding in Rome was bizzare! The "nuttiest nuptials" since LIZA MINELLI Married DAVID GUEST! and like that (in)sincere coupling, holds the new record for "longest-messiest-tongue-involved-wedding kiss! GEORGIO ARMANI actually stated that the guests were pleading for them to STOP! The whole extravaganza seemed soooo staged. But God does have a vote. So the thousands of dollars in fireworks that were shot off after the ceremony were shrouded in a very thick FOG!! And that poor (pawn) BROOKE SHIELDS in her red velvet dress just seemed like an unhappy new mother dressed for a distraction!! And RICHARD GERE at the wedding?? Did the DALI LAMA say this was part of the path to enlightenment?? My favorite story is courtesy of ANDY TOWLE who linked to this tale of an abused former actor who had knowledge of Polaroid Pictures of TOM-THE-GROOM engaged in gay sex & who waited till the big wedding day to reveal this fact! Also I LOVED that the (cute!) leader of SCIENTOLOGY, DAVID MISCAVAIGE, was Tom's "BEST" Man!!!
Tom Gay Polaroids

Hey! One Way To NOT Resucitate A Dying Comedy Career is to engage in racist epithets with all the angry vitriol you can muster! As MICHAEL "KRAMER" RICHARDS can tell you just angrily yelling a horrible word at an audience member, will not put you back on the short-list of viable comedic stars suitable for mid-season replacement! WHAT WERE you thinking COSMO????

Speaking of comedy....the funniest place on Earth this weekend had to be CAESAR'S PALACE in LAS VEGAS! The 20th Annual COMIC RELIEF was dedicated to the victims of KATRINA (& you all know how I feel about NEW ORLEANS!) with perpetual hosts, ROBIN WILLIAMS, WHOOPIE GOLDBERG & BILLY CHRISTAL was so unbelievably (if very BLUE) funny! I swear that every person who ever told a funny joke was there! Here's a short list of those I actually encountered: FRED WILLAIRD, CATHERINE O'HARA, JENNIFER COOLIDGE,WHOPPIE GOLDBERG, ROBIN WILLIAMS, DANE COOK (Brilliant!!!) SARAH SILVERMAN, JIMMY KIMMEL, the lovely (& graceful) MEGAN MULLALEY, KATHY GRIFFIN, RAY ROMANO, SUSIE ESSMAN, like that... SO fu***** funny!!!! If AL QUEDA dropped the bomb, show business would cease to function!!

Thursday, November 16, 2006

Lady of The House

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Today I actually received a telemarketing call & the salesperson asked to speak to “the lady of the house” I’ve been called many things but NEVER a lady!

Speaking of the Lady of The House, congratulations to REP. NANCY PELOSI who was officially named Speaker of the House today!

And further, in the “what a Lady, what a House!” category, Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II, opened Parliament this week. This is the one & only day of the year when “Lillibet” really goes to town & wears all the good jewels, furs, robes, etc. Yea, but is she Happy???? She doesn’t look it!

TMZ is reporting that a local Nashville T.V show has recalled an invitation to DELTA BURKE & LESLIE JOURDAN to appear on the show promoting their appearances in TN in "SOUTHERN BAPTIST SISSIES & "SORDID LIVES". For being “too gay!” This is the home of “the Rhinsetone Cowboy” is there anything gayer than that???
If you've never seen the film version of SORDID LIVES I beg you, buy/rent the DVD today...You will LOVE it!

An adorable children’s book called, “AND TANGO MAKES THREE” is causing a ruckus in Illinois. Based on a true story of two penguins from the Central Park Zoo in New York, this is the tale of two male penguins, "Roy & Silo", who are "a little different". Instead of mating with female penguins, they’ve chosen each other. But they so long to be parents, that they actually sit on a small rock they found in an effort to hatch a chick. A zookeeper sees their dilemma & finds an egg for them that needs their nurturing. The egg hatches & they have a little baby girl penguin called “Tango” that they adore! And now the librarian who stocked the book is in hot water & the local school board is demanding that the book be placed on a high shelf & would require parental permission to be read. The Board will not ban it outright, for fear of being sued!

Finally, this from The Huffington Post:

Larry Arnstein: Agenda for the Meeting of the Homosexual Conspiracy, November 15, 20061) Read minutes of previous meeting.
2) Report from Subcommittee On Converting Heterosexuals.
A) Report on recent success with the Evangelical community.
B) Resolution that Evangelicals be advanced to the head of the Target List.
3) Report from Committee on Homosexual Science.
A) Clinical study: Spreading homosexuality like an infectious disease.
Short Coffee Break & Orgy
4) Reconvene Meeting.
5) Proposal to create Committee To Destroy Marriage.
A) Ideas solicited. Vote on proposal. (Volunteers for this committee, if approved, can sign up between now and next meeting.)

6) Report from Subcommittee on Priorities, Homosexual Agenda Committee.
A) Proposal that Scoutmaster Program be moved up from item #9 to
item #7, Priests & Pedophilia Program be moved down from item #4 to
item #12, since there isn't much left to do.
7) Report from Committee to Take Over Government.
A) Tribute to Mark Foley
B) Welcome to Speaker Pelosi. Draft Letter of Instructions to Speaker.
8) Final prayer to Satan, selection of gay bar for after-meeting drinking, methamphetamines, sex.
(Preceding document was provided to by a highly-placed source not authorized to speak for the Homosexual Conspiracy, who insisted on anonymity due to the sensitive nature of the subject.)
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And TheGayGardener’s response to the post:

Was this the secret meeting that was held in QUEENS, New York? Damn! I'm sorry I missed it.
I was in Washington, D.C. at the Conference of the U.S. Council Of Catholic Bishops. Their new "Homosexual Outreach Program" is so helpful! The Church really loves us! They just don't want us to get married, have sex or tell anyone except a "few close family & friends" that we're gay! They also counseled that if we do sin & engage in gay sex we shouldn't receive Communion. The one downer was the warning that we will never find "true human happiness" being homos! I believe them. Those priests seem like such a happy, well-adjusted bunch of guys! I couldn't find a hotel room while in D.C. but former Speaker, DENNY HASTERT let me stay in his guest room. Which was really nice because Denny & his Gay-Roomate-Chief-of Staff had to share a room! I hope I didn't put them out!
Let me know when the next meeting is, Larry!
By: thegaygardener on November 16, 2006 at 08:23pm

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

"You've Been Served!"

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I do realize I'm not the only gay guy blogging about celebrities etc. And frankly, I think some of my "elders" do it better than me, or at least as well! ANDY TOWLE of is brilliant at gathering gay news, be it political or social & he's a terrific photographer (plus he's really HOT!)PINK IS THE NEW BLOG has the best celeb photos & seems like a really nice guy (though he's just moved to L.A. & has a few things to learn!) QUEERTY is a must read!! But I must admit, I never quite got PEREZ HILTON! I know the title is a clever play on words! And I also know that Perez's familiarity with celebs has been his downfall! But when I read his blog I just see cuntiness without cleverness, insults for the sake of insults, & none of it particularly well written! But having said that, I do feel sorry for PEREZ! Not only is he heavy & unattractive in a gay world that values neither of those qualities, but it seems the universe has been waiting to extract its further revenge against PEREZAnd Today was that day! Not only did PEREZ learn that VH1 had "Passed" on his show due to the fact that his only celebrity connection seemed to be with "song-writer", DIANE WARREN, but on this very same day PEREZ was "served with papers" for violating copyright laws! And the humiliating event was captured on tape while PEREZ was stuffing his face with an eclair at his "office": THE COFFEE BEAN in LARCHMONT
Big points for the classy way he handled it (by continuing to stuff the eclair in his mouth) And subtracted points for the "flannel" wardrobe of his process servers!
But none-the-less a sad day all around! Here's the tape courtesy of JOSSIP (another great blog!)

Congratulations to EMMITT SMITH for winning the DANCING WITH THE STARS competition!
I do love MARIO LOPEZ (especially given his recent NIP/TUCK turn!) but EMMITT played by the rules! While very other week, Mario was rightfully accused of some rule infraction! Rock on EMMITT!!

If you read GAWKER (& if you care about NEW YORK, how can you not?) you will learn that one of the new tragedies befalling the BIG APPLE is the possible breakup of the marriage of TINSLEY & TOPPER MORTIMER I so wish those were made-up names but alas, that is a real-life couple! (Pic above) Having recently spent time in NEW YORK I'm here to tell you....give me a self-involved celebrity any day of the week. These New York Society folks prove the axiom that "money doesn't buy CLASS!"

Thanks to the eagle-eyed fans of THEGAYGARDENER who spotted me on BRAVO'S AMERICA'S TOP CHEF!! Yes! That was CHARLIE, THEGAYGARDENER accompanying Comedy Legend, JENNIFER COOLIDGE to SOCIAL HOLLYWOOD for a fabulous luncheon prepared by the competing chefs! I will try to link my Prime-Time Debut for you to see but it may only be a clip from YOU-TUBE! I am a bit hesitant to point it out for I was (appropiately at my "TOP" Weight) & dressed in an unfortunate "seer-suker" jacket in the vain hope it might make me look thinner! But Jen looks terrific & that's all that counts!

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

For Your Consideration

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I just flew in from New York & boy! are my arms tired! (bada-bing!)
Seriously, I am too damn old to fly cross-country just for a weekend anymore
I could never be "bi-coastal" or any other "bi" for that matter!

I did manage to rouse myself last night though & attend the Los Angeles premiere of the new CHRISTOPHER GUEST film, "FOR YOUR CONSIDERATION" Hysterical! the troupe of comedic geniuses Mr Guest assembles is stunning: HARRY SCHERER, CATHERINE O'HARA, EUGENE LEVY, JENNIFER COOLIDGE, JANE LYNCH, FRED WILLARD, PARKER POSEY. A very funny turn by ED BEGLEY, JR. as a flamboyant makeup artist who is, of course, in Hollywood fashion; married! I think Catherine O'Hara should be "considered" for a real Oscar Nomination for her role as an aging actress desperate for a nomination. This wouldn't be totally unprecendented. MAGGIE SMITH won an Oscar for portraying an actress who loses an Oscar in the NEIL SIMON film, "CALIFORNIA SUITE" Spotted at the DIRECTOR's GUILD Premiere: WARREN BEATTY & ANNETTE BENNING, JAMIE LEIGH CURTIS (Mrs. Guest)& ALYSSA MILANO. Had a nice conversation with the billionaire philanthropist & film producer, STEVEN BING who's generosity had much to do with the Democrats terrific showing at the polls last week

I cannot wait to see the circus act that the upcoming Roman wedding of TOM & KATIE will certainly prove to be. THE NEW YORK TIMES had a piece on the "traditional wedding vows that are said at a Scientology Ceremony. Compare them to the vows said at a traditional Catholic wedding, which since both Bride & groom were Catholic, these nuptials would have been if the groom weren't insane:


"I, Thomas, take you, Katherine, to be my wife. I promise to be true to you in good times & in bad, in sickness & in health, I will love & honor you all the days of my life.

"Take this ring, as a sign of my love & fidelity in the name of the Father, & the Son, & the Holy Spirit"


“Now, Tom, girls need clothes and food and tender happiness and frills, a pan, a comb, perhaps a cat. All caprice if you will, but still they need them.”

And Ms. Holmes could be told: “Hear well, sweet Katie, for promise binds. Young men are free and may forget. Remind him then that you may have necessities and follies, too.”

I suppose it's kind of poetic in a crasy-ass-alien kind of way!

This is the last week to buy bulbs & start forcing them if you want some stand out Holiday decor. "Paper Whites' or "narcissus" are so sparkly white & nothing screams "make the Yuletide gay" like the crimson trumpet of amaryllis (see above)

Friday, November 10, 2006

Sand Castles

sooo just like I told you weeks ago, trouble is brewing regarding the CRUISE/HOLMES Wedding taking place in Italy next weekend. Tom's desire to have a "combo-Catholic-Scientology" wedding is not going to be fufilled. They can still get married at the privately owned CASTELLO ODESCALCHI in BRACCIANO, ITALY but there will NOT be a Priest in sight. The Vatican does NOT approve of one twice-divorced Catholic(Tom) marrying another Catholic (Katie) who practice a "faith" with space aliens at its core! Yea, the Church is kind of funny that way! I bet there will be dozens of more fun stories coming out of merger very soon

I've always thought that I would use an hysterical number from VALLEY OF THE DOLLS as the opening of my T.V. Show (yes I am still pitching!) The song from what many consider to be the BEST WORST MOVIE OF ALL TIME is called: "I'LL PLANT MY OWN TREE!"
With moving lyrics like:
"I'll plant my own tree & I'll make it grow
My tree will not be just one in a row
My tree will offer shade as strangers pass by
If you;re a stranger brother well so am I..."

Here's a clip of star SUSAN HAYWARD as "Helen Lawson" performing the number at her big opening night! But the best part is that JUDY GARLAND was originally supposed to play the role of Helen & did shoot some scenes but was later fired. This clip has Judy's voice with Susan singing. But be warned Susan's lip-synching does not match Judy's voice! Delicious!

Wednesday, November 08, 2006


As the blogs are calling the "artist" (?) formerly known as "K-Fed" or Mr.BRITNEY SPEARS, KEVIN FEDERLINE. The sweetest part of the only just beginning divorce battle is that Brit informed Fed of her intentions via a TEXT MESSAGE! AND...while he was doing an on camera interview. He is visibly shaken when he gets the IM & excuses himself from the interview. Witness the exact moment when a quasi-celebrity realizes his 15 minutes of fame are up!

But this clip shows the real reason the marriage even lasted as long as it did:

Of course Fed-Ex has already filed for spousal support & sole custody of the kids
He'll try to paint Brit as a bad mother. Unfortunately, there are those incidents where Brit was driving with the kid in her lap & some "tattling Nanny tale" of Brit dropping the kid! But still! Thank God there's a pre-nup!

Is it just me or do CHRISTMAS DECORATIONS just get GAYER every year?
Check out the TARGET Collection! I love it!

"How perfect is it that an Italian mother is now in charge of the HOUSE?"

"Throw Da Bums Out!"

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As we used to say at YANKEE STADIUM... Oh yeah the Republicans lost, but I'm really referring to today's story that BRITNEY SPEARS has finally rid herself of that albatross of a second husband; KEVIN FEDERLINE! How cool is it that "BRIT & WHIT" (WHITNEY HOUSTON) have realized that all their troubles stemmed from a "weight problem"? Specifically the 160 lb.sponges that were sharing their beds & spending their cash! I'd thought we'd lost these girls forever! Welcome Back Ladies!

"Cha-cha-changes" The pics above show TheGayGardener's latest "re-do"
A plain boring terrace (second pic) in a lovely condo in the chic section of Santa Monica called Ocean Park. A whole new "room" & a lifetime of memories for less than $1,000! Can you beat that??

COURTNEY LOVE admitted to JAY LENO tonight that she "blew" $20 MILLION DOLLARS! Not on drugs whcih Court says are "relatively cheap" but on the various assistants & hangers-on who deliberately defrauded her & she was too fuc*** up to notice or care!

The most chic accessory today was those cute little "I VOTED" stickers they give you after you vote at the polls!

Tuesday, November 07, 2006


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Forgive me Lord! But I cannot get enough of the TED HAGGARD story & neither can "the blogs on the internets on the google about the gays!!" The best take on the story is actually an hysterical SONG by the Tony-nominated writer/performer, PAUL HIPP. The little ditty is called...."METH & MAN ASS"
Here are the lyrics and a link below to listen to it! Yagotta!











Copyright Paul Hipp 2006

Please visit Paul's Myspace page, or e-mail him at


So now that DOOGIE HOWSER, M.D.(NEIL PATRICK HARRIS)has come out of the closet (DUH!) CBS News has published a list of Openly Gay CELEBRITIES. Ellen & Rosie of course...ELTON JOHN, LANCE BASS all the usual suspects. But I do think its a sad commentary when former N.J. Governor, JIM "MCCREEPY" and that gross naked guy & now convicted Tax felon, RICHARD HATCH are consider "celebrities" Here's the whole not-so-noteworthy list:


Yea! The original GHOST WHISPERER, PATRICIA ARQUETTE will return to TV in her EMMY AWARD winning series MEDIUM next Wednesday, Nov. 15th @ 10:00 I love this show & have wondered what the hell NBC was doing with it So now its back with a vegence in a 2 Hour Premier on 11/15.


Friday, November 03, 2006

Massage With A Happy Ending!

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Think that God doesn't have a sense of humor? HA! Every time one of these holier-than-thou jerks falls off their seats of judgement...God laughs! That's why the latest installment of "As The Bible Belt Tightens" is so delicious. Like Jimmy Swaggart & Jim (Mr. Tammy) Baker before him, the REV. TED HAGGARD's fall from grace involves S-E-X! And also like Rev.'s super-sinful GAY SEX. With an added dollop of drugs (Meth Amphetimine) Rev Haggard is the spritual leader of the NEW LIFE CHURCH in Colorado Springs, CO with 14,000 worshipers but more to the point, is the leader of the National Association of Evangelicals and the force behind all of the punitive anti-gay measure on the ballot in Colorado & across the nation! And a very close personal friend of PRESIDENT GEORGE BUSH...they speak on the phone at least once a week. When he's not on the phone with the President, or devising new ways to make life hell for "the gays" he's writing one of his best-selling books like "TAKING IT TO THE STREETS and "DOG TRAINING, FLY FISHING & SHARING CHRIST" I'm uncertain exactly what the Rev. Haggard means by "TAKING IT TO THE STREETS" but I now have a fairly good idea. I also don't really know what denomination the NEW LIFE CHURCH represents, but it seems their pastor is a "CHRYSTAL METH odist!!" Sorry for the wife & 5 kids (!!!) but as the scripture says:"As ye reap so shall ye sow!"

Saw ANDY DICK walking down Beverly Blvd this afternoon carrying a bag of groceries! On foot??? I guess those NEWS RADIO residuals have finally petered out!

KIRSTIE ALLEY has announced that she has reached her "goal weight" and will appear in a BIKINI on Monday's OPRAH

Nic o' Time

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Thanks to all of you & your referrals to "The Gay Gardener By Appointment". I've scheduled several exciting new jobs. I'll be "busier than a lesbian in a hardware store" as GEORGE CARLIN used to say!

Can SOMEONE please save NICOLE RICHIE? She's so out of control the rumor is she escaped from "Retching Rehab" (Eating disorder treatment center) weighs less than ever & may be back on "the smack" Where the hell is Daddy, LIONEL??

Speaking of Nicoles & drugs the lovely NICOLE-KIDMAN-CRUISE-URBAN is allegedly trying to annul her month's-old marriage to crooner hubby, KEITH URBAN who is currently in rehab for substance abuse. Ms Kidman has a zero tolerance policy regarding drugs & wants OUT! In a related matter I think her BOTOX has relaxed nicely and she no longer looks so very suprised all the time.

Big GAY Bru-ha-ha with former DOOGIE HOWSER, M.D. star, NEIL PATRICK HARRIS
In response to a blog story about NPH & his boyfriend, the star's publicist issued a denial saying Neil "is not of that persuasion" HELLLLOOOO? First of all is his publicist his Grandmother? I mean who even talks like this anymore? "Persuasion" As if gay people are simply "Persuaded" to be the way we are! And secondly was NEIL PATRICK HARRIS ever IN the closet??? Did anyone see a little Broadway musical called, RENT??

Wednesday, November 01, 2006


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PAGE SIX is reporting that IVANA TRUMP may be on her way back to rehab! Her attendance at the CAROUSEL OF HOPE Ball in Los Angeles last week had many tongues wagging. She was practically carried in on the arms of friends & then left quickly in the arms of another friend. She could not even stand up straight. The best part is her "flack"'s denial:
Ivana's rep, Catherine Saxton, said, "Ivana just had a bit of a flu bug. Before she was in L.A., she had been in the Czech Republic, St. Tropez, Paris and Palm Beach and somewhere along the way picked up a flu bug. So, on that night, she took some NyQuil before heading to the ball. She went home in a friend's car."

I think you have to be a homo from another generation (mine!) to appreciate the fact that the caterer for the CRUISE/HOLMES Wedding in Italy on the 18th of this month is:
"ALONG CAME MARY" but this is actually a wonderful catering company who create beautiful & delicious events! AT least the food will be real!

You know it's a slow news day in Los Angeles whne the lead story on the 5 O'Clock News is "SHIRLEY TEMPLE BROKE HER ARM"

How come you are not watching THE CLASS??? Monday nights on CBS @ 8:30. This is one of the best new shows. It has all the hallmarks of FRIENDS but is even more diverse & interesting & DAMN FUNNY!! AND as an added bonus it co-stars BROADWAY LEGEND: JULIE HALSTON... one of the funniest women in show business! CHECK IT OUT!

Are you "dead-heading" your roses? If you clip the tired/spent buds you will see that you have new buds & new growth. This simple act keeps me in roses suitable for cutting, all the way through Christmas!

"This guy can lose elections he's NOT even in!"
"Kerry is very upset at the reaction to his statements" "He's Been walking around with a LONG FACE all day!"