Changing The World One Pansy At A Time!

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Gay Christmas

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That’s what some people call Halloween. Makeup, wigs, costumes, Yea, o.k. I get it. Also the largest Halloween Party in the world takes place on Santa Monica Blvd. in the gay mecca of West Hollywood.

What I do NOT get is this video of MARTHA STEWART’s Halloween Show. O.K. Rosie is Queen Elizabeth I. But Martha looks like a banquet table from a bar mitzvah caught in a cyclone! Note the leaves in her hair! Scary!!


That’s my neighbor’s house above. It’s incredible how much money people are spending on Halloween these days. Soon it will pass Christmas in terms of monies spent on decorating!

I HATE DANCING WITH THE STARS! First they unjustly sacrifice the adorable ALBERT REED to keep WAYNE NEWTON for one more week! Then last night SABRINA (The Cheetah Girl) was sent packing! This girl was a flawless dancer!! She would have likely won the whole damn thing! You cannot trust the American people with voting! Isn’t that how we got GEORGE W BUSH in the first place?

A big WRITER’s STRIKE is looming! We’ll know more tomorrow, I think. I hope this can be avoided. The last Actor’s strike took decades to get over. The big stars can afford to sit out a strike. But the working folks are the ones who will play the price. Not just the writer’s but all the people who rely on the movie business. Waiters, valet parkers, makeup artists, truck drivers. This will suck!

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Tuesday, October 30, 2007

"If Ever I Would Leave You"

If you've never heard ROBERT GOULET sing the above song from CAMELOT I highly recommend it. The pure richness of his baritone voice, which was silenced by death today, will leave you very moved....not to mention the beauty of the LERNER & LOWE Lyrics! Camleot it may as well have been a million years ago! Sad!

Just as sad are TheGayGardener clients who insist they want ROSES!!! You want roses move to England!! California is a DESERT People!! The only thing native to this part of the country are cacti & orange trees! Plus a pointsettia or three! Seriously though we're about three months away from mandatory water rationing in the West. The Southern Counties have already begun it. And roses need lots of regular watering! How about succulents that LOOK like roses? What do you say everyone??

Can BRITNEY SPEARS PLEASE hire a DRIVER or take a cab for Chirst's sake?
She was pulled over again today!! Where is this child always driving badly to?
STARBUCKS? Can't they DELIVER to her??? Please!!! And considering today was one of those traffic days that make you re-think why you live in Southern California, one less Britney on the road would have been a blessing

Happy Halloween Everybody!! And I'll repeat my favorite joke:

Why can't WITCHES have babies?
Because their husbands have HALLOW WEINIES!!


Sunday, October 28, 2007

Paging Scotland Yard!

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Royal Targeted in Sex and Drugs Blackmail Plot
David Leppard

A MEMBER of the royal family has been targeted in an alleged “sex and drugs” blackmail plot being investigated by Scotland Yard.

The royal - who cannot be named for legal reasons - called in the police after being approached by two alleged blackmailers in August.

The men demanded £50,000 not to publicise a video, which they suggested showed the royal engaged in a sex act. The case is understood to be the first time in more than 100 years that a member of the royal family has been the victim of blackmail.

During telephone calls to the royal’s office, the suspected blackmailers also claimed to have evidence suggesting that the royal had supplied an aide with an envelope containing cocaine. They claimed that they had a video tape showing the aide snorting the drug.

Related Links
Queen's guard filmed making gesture
After the approach from the two men in August, the royal tipped off Scotland Yard. Detectives then set up an undercover operation to trap the suspects. On September 11, two men were arrested in a police sting at a London hotel. They were seized as they played what they claimed was the sex video in a suite at the Hilton hotel on Park Lane in Mayfair.

The men thought they were showing the film to a member of the royal’s staff. In fact, the man they met was an undercover detective from Scotland Yard’s kidnap and blackmail unit.

The Yard issued a statement yesterday saying: “Two men, a 30-year-old man and a 40-year-old man, appeared at City of Westminster magistrates’ court on September 13, each charged with one count of blackmail.”

Neither the royal nor any of the witnesses in the case can be identified after a judge issued a gagging order.

The alleged extortion attempt began on August 2 when a man telephoned the royal’s office. The caller identified himself only by his first name. He said he was aware that another man who worked on the royal’s staff had in his possession an envelope containing cocaine. The caller suggested the envelope was embossed with the royal’s personal insignia.

The caller then claimed he had a video tape that showed the royal aide giving someone oral sex. He indicated that the person was the royal. The caller asked for the royal to call him and left a mobile phone number.

During subsequent calls, one of the men claimed that the tapes showed a royal aide snorting cocaine. But the caller guaranteed that nobody would ever see them because they were safe in his flat. A Whitehall security official said: “He then said he wanted £50,000 from the royal for the tape.” The source said a senior legal adviser to the royal agreed with one of the men that he would see the tape before handing over the cash.

By this time a detective had been attached to the royal’s staff. He contacted the gang posing as a member of staff and the meeting was arranged at the Hilton. Parts of the video were shown and the meeting was secretly videoed by Scotland Yard detectives in an adjacent room. The two suspects were then arrested.

The official said the video also contained unsubstantiated allegations about other members of the royal family, including the Queen.

The case is the first in modern times that a member of the royal family has been targeted in an alleged blackmail plot. In 1891 the future Edward VII discussed with his solicitor paying off two prostitutes he had visited in return for letters he had written to them. Details emerged only in 2002 when the letters were sold for £8,220 at Bonhams, the auctioneers.

Additional reporting: Anna Mikhailova

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Thursday, October 25, 2007

"We Didn't Start The Fire"

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But some a**hole did! Most of the recent California wildfires were started by arsonists. Can you believe that? When they get these idiots, and they always do, I hope they hang them.

Remember JESSICA SEINFELD? Sure you do. She’s that sweet, New York Girl, who married theatrical royalty in a big $pla$hy wedding, then days later ran into JERRY SEINFELD at the gym (!!) and faster than you can say “residuals”, decided Jer was her true soulmate, divorced the first guy & married Jerry.
And now Mrs. S has written a book about how to get your kids to eat healthy. Big coverage on OPRAH & everything. Trouble is Jess’s book bears some remarkable similarities to another book previously submitted to the same publisher. Both books even have a recipe for grilled cheese with secret sweet potatoes. Jessica’s book is called “Deceptively Delicious” while the other tome is called, “The Sneaky Chef” by Missy Chase Lapine. I’m sure it’s just a coincidence!

Speaking of “Sugar Daddys” I guess I’m too old for one now. In truth, I’ve only really ever had a “SPLENDA DADDY” you know, close, but NOT the real thing…AND with that bitter aftertaste!
Oh yea, I get the presents & the bling but I always have to work so hard for it!

Thanks for writing to commiserate with me regarding my LACK of a nomination for Best Gossip Blog! Here are the three nominees:

Perez Hilton



Perez…I get. I’ve spoken of his power here before. But these other two? Are they funnier? Better written? Younger? Cuter? Skinnier?
No don’t tell me, I don’t want to know!

Have your costume yet for Halloween? I was going to go as BINDI IRWIN but I’m too tall & I think she’s a tad 2006. I hear that LARRY CRAIG is going to be BIG this year. It’s basically a pair of wing tips with a “wide stance” in a cardboard box made to look like a men’s bathroom stall.

Halloween Decor for $1.99 a pound. Fill every clear container in your house (vases, vaahses, pyrex, votive holders etc.)with candy corn. Vary the container shapes & the candy levels & you have a pretty centerpiece or mantle decoration.

Bindi photo from the AP

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

"Things We Lost In The Fire"

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No, I didn’t see the new Halle Berry Picture which kinda tanked over the weekend. I saw the new JAKE GYLENNHALL: RENDITIONeeehh. Not so great. I’m actually not in a position to review it as I slept through half of it. Even MERYL STREEP seemed to sleep walking through her role. Wait till your next flight, I’d say.

But the fire in Southern California continues to burn & another person died today. The air is heavy with smoke & the heartbreaking thing is the sunsets are absolutely gorgeous. California is the most beautiful promised land when it’s not quaking or afire.

Sooo I went to a taping of the ELLEN SHOW Today. NO crying over dog drama, no talk of death threats, just pure ELLEN. It was really fun! By the time Ellen appears & starts to dance with her audience, the audience has been dancing for over a half hour so they’re more than ready for her arrival. And dance she does! In a joyful spirited way. She opened today’s show by calling it “The Grateful Show” Because we should all be grateful that we were able to be there, instead of somewhere else on the flames & smoke fighting for our homes. Degeneres Went on to interview the charming, ANTONY HOPKINS & one of the Pussycat Dolls (you can imagine MY interest)
After the show, Ellen genuinely & graciously thanked her audience for coming & acknowledged that they waited in line for hours, waited months for tickets, made other work & childcare arrangements etc. Very Classy that girl! And those women ADORE her!

Sadly, I did NOT make the top three Nominees for The BLOGGER'S CHOICE AWARDS & hence will not be going to LAS VEGAS for the awards. Thanks to all of you who did vote for me. And though my Mother, six siblings, six in-laws & 15 nieces & nephews, couldn’t be bothered voting for their son/brother/uncle & “that whole gay thing’ I am not bitter. I’m grateful for the votes I did get. And very grateful to NOT be PEREZ HILTON. Though he is the top nominee for Best Gossip Blog & likely will win; he was booed at THE BEST IN DRAG SHOW 2 weeks ago ( I heard it myself) AND he’s also the top nominee in THE MOST OBNOXIOUS BLOGGER category as well as WORST BLOG OF ALL TIME. Well, as long as they’re talking about you, right Perez?

As per my last post, The Human Rights Campaign has demanded that Senator BARACK OBAMA either cancel the South Carolina appearance or remove famed bigot & no-mo-homo, REV. DONNIE McCLURKIN from the bill…stayed tuned.

Here’s a fun trip down memory lane sent to me by my friend; LESLIE B. Funny how little the great beauties have changed over time. How many can you name?

Women In Film

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Monday, October 22, 2007

"She Ran Calling Wildfire"

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CNN? Yea I watch it in hotel rooms when there’s nothing on but cable ads. Well apparently there’s some idiot blowhard on there named GLENN BECK. Heard of him? Nope! Me neither. California is burning. Hundreds of people have lost their homes & many more may do so in the coming hours. Here’s Beck’s take on the disaster:

"I think there is a handful of people who hate America. Unfortunately for them, a lot of them are losing their homes in a forest fire today."

Huh? What is this, God’s judgment? Firemen are risking their lives & thousands of acres of beautiful land are being destroyed & the explanation is the victims deserve it because they hate America?

No shortage of idiots is there? Which brings me to the Rev. Donnie McClurkin. Donnie is a Grammy Award winning artist. Big in the world of Gospel Music. Donnie is also one of those NO-MO-HOMOs

You know the ones who are “cured” of being gay by God Almighty?
Yep! They just “pray the gay away” as Rosie O’Donnell says.
Guess who Donnie is opening up for? (ooh that was awkward) No! I meant opening as in “Act” None other than BARACK OBAMA! The Senator is going to have some tent revival Come To Jesus Meeting in South Carolina trying to woo Black Evangelicals. Memo to Senator Obama: These folks are not going to vote for you anyway & you are seriously putting at risk the LGBT Votes that could easily be yours.
Better re-think this one Senator! "Can I get an AMEN Somebody?"

TRAVEL & LEISURE MAGAZINE has named PHILADELPHIA as the Number One city of least attractive people. Miami had the most attractive out of 25 Cities. Philly also ranked in the top ten for fattest, least cultured & least friendly. Yikes! That’s some trifecta. TheGayGardener hails from Philly (or Filluffia as we say) And one of the most beautiful people who ever lived also came from The City of Brotherly Love. Her name was GRACE KELLY and she went on to Oscar Winning Stardom & to reign over a nation! I’d say there’s something in that famous Philly Water!

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Thursday, October 18, 2007

"Hello Young Lovers"

-Song from THE KING & I

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So if you were wondering what happened to those pumpkins that suddenly sprouted up in my front garden in July (!!?) They went into the making of the above Halloween Kitty. Easy to do:

3 smallish pumpkins (small, med., large)
Black gloss enamel
Buttons or jelly beans
Orange feather boa (optional..mandatory if gay!)

Remove stems & paint pumpkins

Attach one to the other with toothpicks
Trim raffia for whiskers
Pin buttons or glue jelly beans for eyes, nose mouth


Deborah Kerr died today. Many of you probably don’t even remember her or know that her name was pronounced CARR. But if you’re a movie fan you will. She was a wonderful actress. Every inch the lady. Prim, proper & very pretty. With a smoldering, sensual, fire inside; used to great effect in the classic, FROM HERE TO ETERNITY. She starred in so many classics, HEAVEN KNOWS MR.ALLISON, THE CHALK GARDEN, THE KING & I, AN AFFAIR TO REMEMBER (“I was looking up!”) Her most unusual film was the 1947 film, BLACK NARCISSUS. In it she played an English nun in a convent in the Himalayas who ends up in a love triangle with a swarthy laborer & another nun. Total psychodrama & unforgettable! As was Miss Kerr.

And you know what? BRITNEY SPEARS deserves to lose her kids!! This shit is getting ridiculous!

Did you guys see the MATT LAUER interview with SEN. LARRY CRAIG? Jesus! I’ve had less painful root canals. Was this really necessary? And in PRIME TIME??? Does Matt think that this is going to win him a PEABODY AWARD like Katie did? All those references to the gay LIFESTYLE were so offensive. As if gays have a lifestyle, not a life. And that that life naturally includes sex in public bathrooms.
The most ridiculous part was this: Matt Lauer is in his late 40s & has lived half his life in New York City. He’s a handsome & stylish man.
Yet, unbelievably, he said, “cruising…whatever that meansMatty! Really, you don’t know what cruising means? Never had a guy check you out at the gym where you spend soooo much time! Give me a break!

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Wednesday, October 17, 2007


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O.K. so AVEDON, I’m not…but these are some photos I took backstage at Sunday’s BEST IN DRAG SHOW. The lovely JENNIFER COOLIDGE working the red carpet & PEREZ HILTON blinded by the beauty of DITA VON TEESE the former MRS. MARILYN MANSON!!)

I forgot to mention on the way into the after party, I met this adorable girl who introduced herself as “Rose” & her companion as “Robert” I asked where she was coming from & she said she just went to see ELIZABETH: THE GOLDEN AGE. We both agreed what a disappointment it was. It was only much later that I realized that the stunning blonde girl was actress, ROSE MCGOWAN & her director fiancé, ROBERT RODRIGUEZ. They were both so nice & normal & she is really gorgeous. Word has it that UNIVERSAL is balking at Robert’s choice of Rose to play the lead in their remake of the JANE FONDA classic, BARBARELLA. I’d say Robert really knows what he’s doing & I bet she’d be fabulous!

P.S. Happy 14th Birthday Sammy! I miss you.

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Monday, October 15, 2007

A Royal Flush

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That’s how I would describe this past weekend’s ELIZABETH THE GOLDEN AGE .If only I could flush it from my mind. What a piece of crap. The costumes were beautiful. There! I said something nice.
But Jesus! Historically inaccurate! (Elizabeth never led troops to battle wearing armor; that was Katherine of Aragon) Horribly over-scored; the music was more fitting for a Harlequin Romance Presentation. And Cate Blanchett, so flawless in the orginal…I really don’t know what the hell she was doing here. Some sort of menopausal, middle-aged harpie having a nervous breakdown. The unbearably sexy, CLIVE OWEN was just that….but wearing so much bronzer I thought that he thought he might be playing OTHELLO!

Speaking of Queens…after that dismal night in the cinema on Saturday, my weekend was considerably brightened by attending the 5th Annual BEST IN DRAG SHOW Sunday at The Orpheum Theatre.
This is the annual fundraiser for AID For AIDS. I’ve been to The Emmys several times, The Tonys twice & even God Help me, The People’s Choice Awards, but no show in Hollywood is as glamorous & hysterically funny as B.I.D.S.!

The 7 Semi-finalsists competing for the Tiara were:
Miss Connecticut: JUNE CLEAVEGE
Miss Minnesota: BINDI DUNDAT
Miss New York: BELLA VIEW

Any of these beauties could have justifiably won but when the votes were tabulated (by celebrity judges: KATHY GRIFFIN, JENNIFER COOLIDGE, CHARLIE SHEEN, MARTIN SHEEN, JAMES VANDERBEEK, McSTEAMY. REBECCA GAYHEART, CAROLINE RHEA, JON CRYER & my nemesis: PEREZ HILTON) the rightful winner was BINDI DUNDAT with her “Ode To Bollywood”

My absolute favorite part of the evening though was the “color commentary” provided between categories by LOTTA SLOTS & IDA DUNHIM. Just like PHYLLIS GEORGE & HELEN O’CONNELL from past beauty pagents like Miss USA & Miss AMERICA (“Wasn’t that a shame when Miss Alabama’s flaming baton sailed into the crowd?”)

These two girls left no stone unfurled when talking about the contestants:
“Now, I’m not saying MISS OREGON is old…but she knew BURGER KING when he was a PRINCE!”
“Darling! Really! Her headshot is a CAVE DRAWING!”

Please mark your next year’s Autumn Calender for this event!
I guarantee you will never have more fun in a theater!

Big shout out to IDA DUNAHIM…brilliant! She had some joke that instead of saying: ”Jesus, Mary & Joseph” she said: “LIZA, LORNA, & JOEY” which were JUDY GARLAND’s Kids… that was hysterical…but I can’t remember it, amidst all the other hysterical lines!

I should have more pics later in the week (including one of PEREZ HILTON & DITA VON TRESE!!)

One Movie I saw this weekend that I highly recommend is THE DARJHEELING LIMITED. This is a magical, colorful, artful fable sort of…I don’t know what the hell it was apart from, ORIGINAL! With great performances by OWEN WILSON & ADRIEN BRODY Go!

Thursday, October 11, 2007

"Come Out, Come Out, Wherever You Are!"

Today, October 11th is National Coming Out Day.
Big deal, right? These gays & their special days & demands for special privileges…ugh! But you know what? It IS a big deal.

I’ve always been grateful that I could, as they say in The South,
“pass” That’s how they would describe light skinned black people who could pass for white. (See the classic LANA TURNER film: “Imitation of Life") In my case it meant that I was just masculine enough, played sports, dated girls, said all the right things, to pass for straight. But the sheet-soaking fear that I felt every day & night of my life that I would be “found out” was a terrible price to pay. Plus the assurance from my church that I was destined to live a pathetic life & the promise of eternal damnation; didn’t really do much to assuage these feelings of self-loathing & in fact encouraged them.

So I did what a lot of young gay people do: I ran away from home! First to New York, then Los Angeles. And began a journey of self discovery that seemed like a second adolescence because that’s what it was. Growing up all over again, but out from under the shadow of repression & dishonesty. Falling in love, dating, co-habitating, making new friends who would know the real me. And that process continues. If you’re gay you just don’t get to come out once & its over & done with. You have to come out almost every day.
To acquaintances, co-workers, new friends, employers. You don’t have to hit people over the head with it but you have to be true to yourself in every situation.

As children we learn that closets are dark & scary places. Full of the shadowy unknown. We fumble in the dark until the door opens or a light comes on & we realize with relief; that what we were frightened of moments ago was really something very familiar & non-threatening.
That’s why EVERY gay person has to come out of the closet. So that our families, our neighbors, our co-workers, our churches can see that they know us, we are familiar to them & we are not a threat. We just want to enjoy the same rights & privileges as they do. To be who we are & love whom we may.

Being TheGayGardener means that I no longer can “pass”. Nor do I wish to. I want people to know that about me upfront. What a different world this would be if everyone were able to do this. No more LARRY CRAIGS, TED HAGGARDS, delusional IRANIAN PRESIDENTS The fact that there is even such a thing as a National Coming Out Day indicates progress & provides a road map to future happiness. The debate that has been raging in this country & around the world regarding the rights of same gender people to marry is something I never dreamed I would see in my lifetime. And, oh, my brothers & sisters, the tide is with us! Believe!

The Gay High Priestess, BARBRA STREISAND sang a beautiful song in the not-so-beloved film, YENTL. The lyrics went like this:

I wanted the shadows, I don’t anymore.
No matter what happens, I won’t anymore.
I ran from the sun light, afraid it saw too much.
The moon had the one light, I bathed in, I walked in.
I held in my feelings & closed every door.
No matter what happens, I won’t anymore….
For too many mornings the curtains were drawn,
It’s time they were opened to welcome the dawn.
A voice deep inside is getting stronger,
I can’t keep it quiet any longer,
No matter what happens I can’t be the same anymore.
I promise I won’t be the same anymore.


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Tuesday, October 09, 2007

Dancing With The "Men In Trees"

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Ok, I am still bitter than ALBERT REED had to be unjustly sacrificed to give WAYNE NEWTON another week; but at least justice was served this evening when Newton was sent packing. Dancing With The Stars is soo addicting, isn’t it? I love that JENNY GARTH redeemed herself with that tango. And grieving JANE SEYMOUR looked fabulous in her short wig. But My God! All that makeup on all those women…they looked like hookers at a MARY KAY Convention.
One Big Question” What the hell was ANNE HECHE doing there?
I know DWTS is an ABC show as is Anne’s MEN IN TREES, but still…can you spell VELVEETA?

ROB REINER used to direct Feature Films. But apparently his phone has not rung that much lately so now he’s shilling for HILLARY CLINTON. You can click on the link below & se R.R.’s latest effort (if you must) Now if only PENNY MARSHALL would direct an OBAMA video this could possibly be semi-interesting.

Meathead Loves Hillary

It won’t be too long till we’ll be hearing Christmas Carols in the stores.
Since I’ve already seen Christmas trees on September 14th in KMART, as I mentioned. Please don’t forget that TheGayGardener can be your little elf for the whole season. Need a scary tableau for Halloween? A sumptuous Harvest Table for Thanksgiving? Or even a properly lit & hung (!) Christmas Tree? Please contact me & ask about our TheGayGardener’s Tabletops & Bottoms Services.
You’ll be glad you did!

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Friday, October 05, 2007

The Preacher's Wife

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I wasn’t going to blog (I'm on a gardening job) but this story is irresistible! There’s a scandal brewing in Tulsa, OK at Oral Roberts University. Old Oral himself is retired now & his son Richard Roberts has been running things since. Richard is married to Lindsay & they have three kids.

According to the AP, Richard Roberts is accused of illegal involvement in a local political campaign and lavish spending at donors' expense, including numerous home remodeling projects, use of the university jet for his daughter's senior trip to the Bahamas, and a red Mercedes convertible and a Lexus SUV for his wife, Lindsay.

It gets better…

She is accused of dropping tens of thousands of dollars on clothes, awarding nonacademic scholarships to friends of her children and sending scores of text messages on university-issued cell phones to people described in the lawsuit as "underage males." (!!!!!)

The allegations are contained in a lawsuit filed Tuesday by three former professors. They sued ORU and Roberts, alleging they were wrongfully dismissed after reporting the school's involvement in a local political race. The professors also said their dismissals came after they turned over to the board of regents a copy of a report documenting moral and ethical lapses on the part of Roberts and his family. The internal document was prepared by Stephanie Cantese, Richard Roberts' sister-in-law, according to the lawsuit.

An ORU student repairing Cantese's laptop discovered the document and later provided a copy to one of the professors. It details dozens of alleged instances of misconduct. Among them:

• A longtime maintenance employee was fired so that an underage male friend of Mrs. Roberts could have his position.

• Mrs. Roberts — who is a member of the board of regents and is referred to as ORU's "first lady" on the university's Web site — frequently had cell-phone bills of more than $800 per month, with hundreds of text messages sent between 1 a.m. to 3 a.m. to "underage males who had been provided phones at university expense."

• The university jet was used to take one daughter and several friends on a senior trip to Orlando, Fla., and the Bahamas. The $29,411 trip was billed to the ministry as an "evangelistic function of the president."

• Mrs. Roberts spent more than $39,000 at one Chico's clothing store alone in less than a year, and had other accounts in Texas and California. She also repeatedly said, "As long as I wear we can charge it off." The document cites inconsistencies in clothing purchases and actual usage on TV.

• Mrs. Roberts was given a white Lexus SUV and a red Mercedes convertible by ministry donors.

• University and ministry employees are regularly summoned to the Roberts' home to do the daughters' homework.

• The university and ministry maintain a stable of horses for exclusive use by the Roberts' children.

• The Roberts' home has been remodeled 11 times in the past 14 years.

I really hope that all this doesn’t affect the sales of Mrs. Robert’s Christian book: “Make Your Day Count: Devotions For Teens! I really think the saddest thing about this tale is this: $39,000 AT CHICO’S!!!?????? Lindsay Roberts! You are NO TAMMY FAYE!

And how kinky is it that Lindsay had one of her “underage male friends” be the janitor???? Oooohhh! This just proves that there is a God! And he has a delicious sense of humor!

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Wednesday, October 03, 2007

"The Walker"

There is an interesting new film playing the festival circuit. Written by PAUL SCHRADER who did TAXI DRIVER & AMERICAN GIGOLO among many. It’s called The Walker. It stars WOODY HARRELSON, KRISTIN SCOTT THOMAS, LILY TOMLIN & LAUREN BACALL. “Walker” is a term applied to the gentlemen who escort society ladies to balls, dinners, and parties. JEROME ZIPKIN was NANCY REAGAN's walker for awhile. The Walkers are usually gay though not always. The ladies are usually widows or women whose husbands can’t be bothered attending operas etc.
Woody plays “Carter Page III” Scott Thomas (with whom I am still in love since “The English Patient”) is a Washington D.C. lady who is in danger of being embroiled in a great scandal until “Car” comes to the rescue. This YouTube video shows the first ten minutes of the film.
I think it looks very intriguing & I’m fascinated by Woody! It is supposed to be relased theatrically in December. Check it out!

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"Eyes On Your Own Paper"

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That’s what the nuns used to say when warned you about cheating on a test. Speaking of which… you’ll remember back in March when I asked you to rate my YouTube video submission for the new Carter Oosterhouse show on HGTV. Well, I didn’t have the hang of the whole YouTube video posting thing, so my lips were out of synch with the audio, no matter. The role they were casting was a handyman with a “big personality” So TheGayGardener re-wrote the lyrics to the classic Sammy Davis, Jr. song; “The Candyman”. I thought it was cute: “the handyman can take, anything you break & out the pieces back together, never mind about the weather, I can even do it wearing leather” The constant refrain of “the handyman can, oh the handyman can, the handyman can cause he fixes it with love & makes the world look good” amused me. Well I guess it amused the folks at HGTV too because the previously untitled Carter Oosterhouse show is called: ta!da! “Carter Can”
Is there a lawyer in the house?

I don’t care what the critics say, I LOVE “Dirty, Sexy, Money
You know how I feel about PETER KRAUSE but what I am really, really enjoying is watching 2 older, great actors, umm, acting!
I think you could turn the volume down & still understand Sutherland just by what is happening in his bright blue eyes. And Miss Clayburgh always gives the impression to me that she’s improvising which is the highest compliment I can give. The “kids”? ehh, not so much. But I’ll keep watching.

I’m sure, like me, you have your glue gun all warmed up & are working on your Fall crafts! One cheap easy thing to do, especially if you have kids, are the above “candy corn” pots. Simply take some various sized terra cotta pots & paint orange, white & yellow stripes on them. Fill with succulents for a “scary” look. Mums also look nice.
Get crafting!

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Tuesday, October 02, 2007

"You're a Smart Boy, figure it out"

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Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Those are the immortal words of Boy Band guru, LOU PEARLMAN when asked by an aspiring singer what it would take for him to get in a band. Pearlman who created NSYNC & The Backstreet Boys sadly was wearing his open, white, terry cloth robe & tightie whities & spreading his legs when asked the question. VANITY FAIR’s BRYAN BURROUGH has these & other sordid details in a profile of the Pearlman perv who is now in custody for financial fraud & embezzlement. And there are many, grossly quotable quotes! Yuck!

Screw you America! I am so upset by tonight’s latest DANCING WITH THE STARS. It came down to ALBERT REED & WAYNE NEWTON. Newton finished dead last in the judge’s votes last night.
And Christ! JENNY GARTH even fell. So how the hell did the ADORABLE ALBERT (above on the bike) end up in the dock with Wayne? And just how many Las Vegas Cocktail waitresses were voting to ensure that it was Wayne who was safe & Albert got sent home!!??? As I blogged last week, I was poised to not like the “model guy” But Albert was so self-deprecating, goofy & charming that you couldn’t help but love the guy! And his dancing wasn’t bad either! Certainly light years away from the geriatric Newton. This sucks!
Here’s a link to Albert’s website. I wasn’t able to send an email tonight but at least you can see some terrific photos of A.R. Damn!


And deep sympathy to JANE SEYMOUR on the death of her mother.
Jane didn’t compete tonight because she had to fly to England for the funeral.

Monday, October 01, 2007

Severe Head Trauma

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Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Is that what happened to Britney Spears? I truly feel sorry for her. Especially now that she has lost custody of her kids today. And you’ll remember, that when I ran into her at Koi last month I had the overwhelming feeling that B.S. wasn’t drunk or on drugs, but was just mentally ill! Out of it…no affect. Disturbed.

And TMZ is reporting that mere minutes after the judge awarded custody of Brit’s kids to Kevin Federline, she drove to a CARLS JR. at 12:02 p.m. then handed the kids off to K-Fed’s bodyguard like she was returning a T-shirt at KITSON!!

Seriously, I just don’t know what kind of drugs explain this behavior. Word is she never even attended the parenting classes the Judge demanded of her. She’s not well. As A Socialite’s Life says:
“Holy shit! This is going to be her FRANCES FARMER moment on top of her FRANCES FARMER collection. For the uninitiated, Frances Farmer was a famous, beautiful & talented actress who literally lost her mind at the height of her fame. Her life was turned into a wonderful movie starring an OSCAR nominated, JESSICA LANGE.

“DESPERATE HOUSWIVES is the gayest thing on T.V. since GOMER PYLE!” – Ted Casablanca

My friend, Ted may be right, but to me it’s still a cartoon that’s not worth my time. Oooh Bree’s fake baby-bump is a pillow so no one on Wisteria Lane will know her daughter’s knocked up! Wow! And the addition of DANA DELANEY is pointless. She was boring on CHINA BEACH 30 years ago & she’s still boring. Yea, a gay couple is supposed to move in & “queen it up” but Y.A.W.N.

What is NOT boring in my opinion is ABC’s BROTHERS & SISTERSSALLY FIELD won the EMMY 2 weeks ago & deservedly so. And the show looks to finally break out into a big hit this season. The acting is really, really, fine. The squawking, squabbling, Walker Family is very, very, real. And if you can get past CALISTA FLOCKHEART’S over- plumped lips, & botched nose, you’ll witness some really great T.V.

And I also think that DANCING WITH THE STARS is like watching a mini-olympics every week. Damn! These folks work really hard. I worry that poor 65 year old WAYNE NEWTON is going to have a heart attack, every week. But his fellow senior, JANE SEYMOUR is flawless & looks 35! And just to remind you, I did predict that JOSIE MORAN would be the first one voted off.

Thanks to all of you who wrote to me in consolation for my having been the victim of, well, of a hate crime! As I explained last week, my hard earned votes awarded me as BEST GOSSIP BLOG for THE
BLOGGER’S CHOICE AWARDS were negated because some kind, Christian, soul thought it would be helpful to re-direct all those voting for me to some End-of-the-world BIBLE site. Where the gays are punished of course. I think I made myself an easy target because I am the only nominee that actually has the word “gay” in the title of their blog.

“if you want to get newly engaged PAMELA ANDERSON & RICK SOMETHING a wedding gift…they’re registered at THE CENTERS FOR DISEASE CONTROL” – David Letterman