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Thursday, December 28, 2006

The 10 Gayest Moments of 2006

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10. A Nation of Heavyset Italian Gay Men Develop a Craving for “Johnny Cakes.” If there’s one image that has burned it’s way into the depths of our subconscious, it has to be Vito on The Sopranos, traipsing around a gay S&M night club in a little tight black number, topped off with a little leather cap. Sure, he was (spoiler!) killed, but you know there was one gay mobster out there who looked up to the sky and mouthed the words “thank you” to the TV Gods. (We’ll also take this time to recognize our favorite SNL skit of the year, “The New Jersey Gay Couple.”)

9. Tom Cruise Gets Married. Kidding!

9. The 6-foot Long Hoagie That is the Jake/Lance/ McConaughey Sandwich. Whether they be cycling, doing sit-ups, binge drinking, cycling, bongo-banging, or participating in wet t-shirt contests, one thing is certain: The friendship between Jakey, Myatt n’ Lyance may not be a gay three-way tryst, but it is certainly the gayest thing we’ve seen all year.

8. Rosie O’Donnell Outs Clay Aiken. It all began with an innocent, poorly timed joke between the infinitely creepy Clay Aiken and permaperky Kelly Ripa. The incident then birthed it’s own little baby, a feud between newly anointed View co-host and staunch lesbian Rosie O’Donnell, who accused Kelly Ripa of being homophobic. Which is hilarious, because, as far as we knew, Clay Aiken was a total vagina fiend. Thanks for clearing that up, Ro!

7. Ryan Seacrest Makes Out With Teri Hatcher. Need we say publicity whore? Whether or not he likes playing “Hide the Gilded Microphone” with Merv Griffin or not, there’s no denying how staged the romance is between Ryan Seacrest and Desperate Single Mom Teri Hatcher is in this photo. “Anus-Mouth” has never made more sense in our eyes.

6. Soap Opera Hires Transgendered Character from Planet Xornon. All My Children took daytime TV to a whole new place this year, hiring its first transgendered character in an effort to normalize stay-at-home moms to lifestyles they might dub as being “devious.” Also, they named this character Zarf. Nice going. We would also like to congratulate Zarf’s lesbian doppelganger, Mary Cheney, on her baby.

5. Models Can Be Lesbians Too! America’s Next Top Model is a reality show that sets out to find 6-foot-tall bony beauties from farm country in order to thrust them into a life of European cocaine orgies. But who would have known that, in the process, they would also cast model lesbians? Rumors began early on that former winner Eva Pigford was dating Queen Latifah, and Cycle 5 featured the openly gay Kim. But this past season confirmed two – yes, two! – anorexic lady lovers on the cast: one of the skinny witch twin girls, and the actually pretty Charlize Theron lookalike. If only they could cast a few more, next season of ANTM could reach Cinemaxesque soft-core proportions.

4. Dreamgirls Is This Year’s Brokeback Mountain. We got a call from a friend on Monday, who gave us this report from a Dreamgirls screening in New York: “The entire audience was gay men and straight women.” Indeed, Dreamgirls (our favorite movie of the year — our being mine, I’ll give the guys a break on this one) is the gayest romp since Heath and Jake zipped their sleeping bags into a single love cocoon. Those outfits! That hair! That weird gay disco dancing scene with the huge red light sabers! An overweight black diva! We only hope this movie is wearing protection as it thrusts its power ballads up into your musical loving ass.

3. Even the Pope is Gay. It’s true – Pope “B16”, as he is known (gay nickname, anyone?) has been accused of carrying on a sordid affair with his secretary, the debonair Monsignor Georg Gänswein. Never did the term “Right Hand Man” ring truer. (Please note: #3 is a shameless attempt to link back to our post worshipping Monsignor Georg Gänswein. It’s not every day we have a reason to use our “umlaut” key.)

2. Steve Carell Kisses a Man. Season 3 of The Office kicked off with some delicious man-on-man passion in the episode Gay Witch Hunt, when clueless boss Michael Scott goes out of his way to prove that, while he is not gay himself, he loves the gays! His liplock with Oscar at the end could have very well made our year. And yet, it’s not number one. Because that distinction has to go to the one thing that defined the gayness of 2006…

1. Getting “Lanced.” It all began when an unknown blogger in L.A. made it his mission to ruin the lives of hundreds of B-List celebrities by outing them on his website, spawning the new millennium’s version of Gay McCarthyism. First outed was N’Syncer Lance Bass, whose romance with hunky Reichen Lehmkuhl finally became public as a result of the constant accusations. As a result, we were left with both the term “getting Lanced” as well as a hilarious People Magazine cover. Next up was Grey’s Anatomy T.R. Knight, who was lanced and then gay bashed by co-star Isaiah Washington. But the real winner this year? Neil Patrick Harris, of Doogie Howser fame, who took the high road by admitting that, yes, he was gay and proud of it. Sit through his sitcom How I Met Your Mother as a thank you.

Posted by Michelle Collins at 12/27/06 2:30pm | Permalink |
Categories: Entertainment, Top 10 Lists, Gossip
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Off during the Holidays??? RUN!!! Do not Walk... to an amazing film starring two acting LEGENDS: JUDI DENCH & CATE BLANCHETT, "NOTES ON A SCANDAL" Un-fuc****-believable!!! An amazingly literate script & two scarily brilliant performances!!! I cannot recommend it enough! There is Nothing like a Pair of Dames!!

Friday, December 22, 2006

Too Many Candles

Miss me?? So sorry to have been away this long But Christmas time for TheGayGardener
is insane! I have so much I want to talk to you about but it's December 22 & I'm still decorating! So more later...
I DID however; want to share some pics from My Birthday which was December 19th.

I don't want to say that TheGayGardener is old... but I did do the flowers at THE LAST SUPPER!!

And also to show you the cute Holiday things I'm making with adorable containers I found at, where else, The 99 Cents Store. They had this whole "rust" collection of faux rusted iron pots, hanging baskets & watering cans. I've filled them with boxwood, evergreens & pointsettias, cute no?


Thursday, December 07, 2006

Dishonesty, Devils & Turkeybasters, Oh My!

Shocked! I’m Shocked, I tell you. The recent press release that lovebirds JENNIFER ANNISTON & VINCE VAUGHN have called it quits comes as such a surprise. NOT! The only real thing that this faux relationship ever generated was lots of cash for the star’s P.R. people & millions of issues of PEOPLE MAGAZINE sold at news stands!

I think that the new WILL SMITH film looks really good & plan on seeing it… BUT, unless it’s somehow related to the story, why would the studio choose to incorrectly spell HAPPINESS?? As in THE PURSUIT OF HAPPYNESS??!! This just sets a bad example for the kids!

Speaking of kids…MARY CHENEY, the lesbian daughter of V.P. DICK CHENEY has announced that she is pregnant! As CRAIG FERGUSON said regarding this story: “Don’t ask me, I’m not a doctor!”

AND speaking of the Devil (I did just mention DICK CHENEY, didn’t I?) Have you guys ever seen the original SATAN’S SCHOOL FOR GIRLS?? Not the crappy re-make with SHANNON DOUGHERTY, but the Original M.O.W. starring soon to be CHARLIE’S ANGELS, KATE JACKSON & CHERYL LADD (acting her her real name CHERYL STOPLEMOORE) It actually holds up pretty well!

DREAMGIRLS: T-Minus 18 Days & Counting!!!!!!!!!

Wednesday, December 06, 2006


Have my Warholian 15 Minutes Begun yet???
Although ANDY WARHOL later refined his statement to say
"Every one will be Famous IN 15 Minutes"

***Portrait of Andy courtesy of the PAUL O'NEILL Collection, New York, NY

Monday, December 04, 2006


So close on the heels of the shocking breakups of KID ROCK & PAMELA ANDERSON, BRITNEY & K-FED comes news of the speration of boy-band singer, LANCE BASS & his handsome boyfriend REICHEN WHATSHISNAME who allegedly won some reality TV Show contest some years back. This just proves that gay folks are just like everybody else, no matter how pretty the parties involved are this relationship stuff is difficult. Word is that Lance's friends are relieved that he has shed the bossy, older, never-met-a-camera-he-didn't-like, Reich!!

Did you see the fiasco that was JESSICA SIMPSON's Performance at THE KENNEDY CENTER honors? Jess was there to pay tribute to honoree, DOLLY PARTON, with a performance of Dolly's hit "9 to 5". There must have been a threatening wardrobe malfunction because Jess held up the top of her dress the entire performance. She sounded awful, read the lyrics from a teleprompter! (Christ! I even remember the ain't SONDHEIM) and then apologized profusely to Dolly afterwards. You could hear crickets as she exited the D.C. stage!

TheGayGardener extends his deepest sympathies to GEORGE CLOONEY who lost his beloved pet pot-bellied pig, "Max" yesterday. Little Max shared Clooney's life for the past 18 years! Some pigs have all the luck!

White-hot guerilla artist, BANKSY, has captured all the creepiness of MICHAEL JACKSON with this new work. The painting is a take off on the legend of HANSEL & GRETEL & depicts the gloved one offering a candy cane to two kids from the doorway of his wooded cottage. A picture IS worth a thousand words!

Saturday, December 02, 2006

Red Ribbon Day

Today, December 1st is WORLD AIDS DAY. Tens of thousands of people have died from the disease & more than 40 million people worldwide are infected with the virus
After escaping the dark & decimated New York of the late 1980s TheGayGardener landed in sunny California. Upon arrival, I was having dinner at one of my favorite places, ORSO, & overheard a woman at the next table say: “I am so sick of giving money to the gays for AIDS, they get so much already…I’m going to start raising funds for breast cancer!” Ugh! Thank God this kind of ignorance has lessened, but my generation of post-baby-boomers has lived with this terrible scourge our entire adult lives now and you know what? We’re used to it. “Sure, Doc!” “Run the HIV test while you’re at it.” we say at our yearly physicals. Or we make a special trip to the clinic after a drunken, hazy encounter. No big deal. There is that cocktail of drugs now. It’s not the death sentence it was. But it IS! With these numbers & the consistent rate of transmission, entire generations, not to mention the whole of Africa, are still threatened! But we have that war in Iraq to fund & fight, & we need additional state & federal monies to oppose gay marriage in the courts & at the ballot box, so we’re quite busy & over-extended.

I moved to Los Angeles in December of 1991. December 7th to be exact; a “day that will live in infamy!” to quote FDR. I came here with my then partner, the actor, Michael Jeter. He was fresh off a TONY AWARD winning stint on Broadway & starring in a sit-com for CBS.
He was diagnosed with HIV the year after we seperated in 1996. He died on March 30, 2003. He was 50 years old. Although the official cause of death was not HIV/AIDS, I do feel his life was, in many ways shortened, diminished, by the disease. He was “Sam”’s other daddy.
We miss him still.