Changing The World One Pansy At A Time!

Saturday, December 22, 2007

Merry Christmas, Darling!

God! I love KAREN CARPENTER, don't you??

Anyway... Christmas cannot be 3 days away...I'M STILL DECORATING!!!
As many of you know, for the past 3 Christmases I've sat on SANTA'S Lap (well, he SAID his name was Santa!) & asked him for MY OWN SHOW And now one of Santa's heavenly elves, the producer, CYNTHIA HILL, created & directed a little YOUTUBE Pilot that I feel sure is interesting enough to warrant renewed interest in THEGAYGARDENER. Check it out! And Please be sure to send a link to all of your friends & have then RATE it too!!

TheGayGardener Favorite Christmas Memory #5

Christmas 1976. I've just turned 13 years old. I am crying to my Mother (Mrs. Trainer) that she does NOT really do the best job of wrapping presents. One roll of paper for 7 kids, those horrible "stick-on" star bows, no embellishments. Mrs. Trainer shrugs & heads for the coffee pot. How she didn't know then that I was gay is beyond me.
Fast Forward: Christmas 1977. Heading down the stairs towards the tree, I feel sure that she's "got it" this time, thanks to my little pep talk last year. I see 7 large dark green HEFTY LAWN & LEAF BAGS carelessly placed under the tree. Stunned & horrified, I approach. It is then I notice that upon each bag is placed a torn strip of "masking tape" with each child's name hastily written in blue ball point pen. I turn to her with a desperate look in my eyes. "Nothing I ever do is good enough for you what does it matter?" Remember, I told you that the in the National Psychiatry Index there is a photo of my Mother under PASSIVE AGRESSIVE? Or, as I like to say; she put the ASS in PASSive Agressive. The trash bags only lasted 2 years til the birth of the GIFT CARD, I am grateful to say. Maybe I sound ungrateful. But to this very day, I would rather have a beautifully wrapped, but cheap present, than some really expensive bauble. It's not the's the WRAPPING that counts!! Hence my reason for living in Los Angeles!

Merry Christmas my dear TheGayGardener friends! See you on YOUTUBE!
Melikelele Maka! (I think that's HAWAIIAN for Merry Christmas or maybe a new line of Shoes!!)

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Monday, December 17, 2007

All I want For Christmas...

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Years ago, before she went all bat-shit crazy, MARIAH CAREY could sing. I mean really sing! Oh she can still belt out a tune but there was something almost dangerous about her voice years ago. That’s why I love hauling out my Christmas CDs & listening to MC’s “All I Want for Christmas (is You) I defy you to not “get happy” listening to this little number. Or let Mariah “take you to church” & clap along with “Jesus, Oh What a Wonderful Child” Say AMEN Somebody!

Another fave of mine is “Merry Christmas-The Supremes” The Original Supremes=Diana, Mary & Flo! Recorded in 1965 this Christmas collection has a lot of novelties. “Twinkle Twinkle Little Me” & “The Children’s Song” (ding-dong,ding-dong) which features background vocals by BERRY GORDY’s kids; Joy, Berry & Terry & Diana’s brother Chico (!) who are very encouraged by Diana’s saying:” Very good my darlings” in her best Mommie Dearest voice.
Still when Miz Ross sings: “because the angel that made my Christmas bright has gone away from me” I still get a little choked up.

I went to a terrific restaurant in Venice last night called AXE (ah-shay)
Nice wine list, wonderful food & a simple yet pretty room. Quite the star attraction as I saw BRADLEY COOPER (so hysterical on NIP/TUCK) & the lovely MARIA BELLO (surprisingly thin, but not scarily so)

I’ve been so busy working I’m spinning around like the Sugar Plum Fairy in The Nutcracker… but happy & grateful thanks to all of you.

TheGayGardener Favorite Christmas Memory #4

Christmas 1993. Still with the ex living in the Hollywood Hills. Sam (my late Springer Spaniel) is 2 months old. I take him out for a little walk after midnight. A cold, clear & quiet night with a billion stars in the sky. I hear laughter coming from a Christmas party across the canyon. Then the sound of a guitar & applause. (damn! Another fun party I didn’t get invited to!) A strong & beautiful voice begins to soulfully sing “Silent Night” along with the guitar. Wait. I KNOW that voice…its MELISSA ETHERIDGE. I’d heard she lived up in the Hills near us (well, o.k. I actually read it in PEOPLE Magazine) I look down at Sam, then up into the endless sky & just listen. Beautiful. I’ll never forget it.

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Monday, December 10, 2007

Top 10 Helpful Holiday Decorating Tips

TheGayGardener’s Top Ten Helpful Holiday Decorating Tips

1. Buy a real tree. It’s better for the environment. If you must use an artificial one, please remember to re-shape the wire branches once out of the box

2. They’re Christmas BALLS not BULBS (And I ought to know!)
Bulbs are for lights & some flowers. Speaking of which, forget those Holiday Bulb kits. Even if you’re lucky, you’ll only end up with red amaryllis for St. Patrick’s Day!

3. Strings of lights run less than $2.00 now. Go buy some! Forget untangling the old ones or checking the bulbs with one of those battery operated do-hingies. Go get a facial with all the time I just saved you.

4. If your tree doesn’t take you two full days to trim…You’re doing it wrong!

5. For the love of God, people PLEASE cut off all those little tags & packets of extra bulbs off the light strings. I know there are a lot of them, but is it really THAT difficult? L.a.z.y. I say.

6. A good rule of thumb is 250 l.p.f. (lights per foot. yea, I just made that up) But don’t be chintzy. Nothing annoys The Baby Jesus more than skinflints at Christmastime. It IS his Birthday
I have nearly 1500 lights on my (smallish) tree & you could land a PLANE in here.

7. From this moment on ALL GOLD GARLAND is hereby BANNED
Most especially that thin sparse stuff that’s been wrapped around an old shirt box & been in use since the Carter Administration.

8. Keep a pair of scissors in every room in the house. You’ll thank me later.

9. Satin Christmas Balls. SEE #7

10. Do Something. A wreath on the door. A candle in the window.
A big poinsettia on the table. Go out in the yard & bring some pinecones in (they’re free) It’s Christmas for Christ’s sake.

TheGayGardener Favorite Christmas Memory #3
Christmas 1994:

Ex-Partner: “Charlie you wouldn’t be so stressed out if you kept Christmas simple!”
TGG: “Michael, if God had wanted Christmas to be kept simple, He wouldn’t have had that big production in Bethlehem the first year!”

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Tuesday, December 04, 2007

Nip/Tuck? NOT!

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Busier than a "Mall Santa" here...but had to share this with you all.
And my schedule should free up soon as I've cancelled my Birthday present to myself- an eye job & brow lift. After seeing the above photos.
Many of you are too young to remember the DALLAS Spinoff called KNOT'S LANDING But let me tell you that when VALENE EWING was on a teary rampage on a Thursday night at 10:00 on CBS...nobody's phone rang. JOAN VAN ARK is/was a great actress...this is so sad!

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