Changing The World One Pansy At A Time!

Thursday, July 26, 2007

G.G. in D.C.

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Monday, July 16, 2007

The Merchant of Venice

“You haven't made it in Hollywood until someone says you're gay. The Internet is really informative - but it can also be just a huge bathroom wall." DANE COOK

I feel a little guilty about not blogging so often, but then I remember the Iraqi Parliament is taking the summer off while our troops fight on & everything falls into perspective. Fortunately my day job which is actually gardening, keeps me busy.

Click on the slideshows & see some before & afters from a recently completed job in Venice, CA. The clients were so lovely; I’m actually missing them this morning.

POSH & BECKS have landed in Los Angeles. Did you see the coverage? Unbelievable! It was like Antony & Cleopatra arriving in Rome. I still don’t think the arrival of the sport’s greatest player is going to do much to increase interest in soccer in the U.S….but these two will definitely keep the paparazzi & tabloids hopping. Beckham is gorgeous, but the minute he speaks the “Barbie Dream Bus” comes driving on out! He just sounds so uhmmm….gay!

Congratulations to REBECCA ROMIJN & JERRY O”CONNELL who were married at their home in Los Angeles this past weekend. I saw them both in Las Vegas a few months back, and let me tell you they are stunning (she particularly) and are both about 8 feet tall. They should totally have a child together….that child would give SHILOH JOLIE-PITT a run for its money.

And congrats as well to ISAIAH WASHINGTON for landing a new gig on NBC’s new series, “The Bionic Woman” The violent crazy-assed actor is now the Peacock Network’s problem. Katherine Pope, president of NBC's Universal Media Studios, says that despite the public baggage, Washington is "a brilliant actor," and she believes viewers will re-embrace him. "I think people watch characters on TV, not personalities" in the news, she says. Oh sure they do Katherine! No wonder NBC is in what? 6th place in the ratings? Falling somewhere after The Fine Living Channel! You SUCK NBC!

Hey LINDSAY LOHAN! Your fresh out of 2 months in rehab! How are you going to celebrate? What’s that you say? You’re going to VEGAS??? Rock on little sister!

I’m leaving today to do a job in our Nation’s Capitol, Washington D.C. I’ll post some updates from there. I’m sure it will be fun. I just keep thinking: “It’s not the heat…it’s the humidity!

Wednesday, July 11, 2007


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You may have seen this story in THE DAILY MAIL yesterday that I am still laughing about.

Famed photog ANNIE LIEBOVITZ was invited by the BBC Series “A Year With The Queen” to take an official portrait of the monarch to commemorate her recent trip to the United States.


The Queen arrived in white fur stole, gold-embroidered evening dress, Order of the Garter robes and diamond tiara, as requested. But Leibovitz, a perfectionist who once persuaded Whoopi Goldberg to pose in a bath of milk, had a change of heart.

I think it will look better without the crown,” the film shows her informing the Queen. “Less dressy. “The garter robe is so . . . extraordinary.”

“Less dressy?” the Queen says in response to this display of lãse-majesté. “What do you think this is?”

The Queen is then shown walking angrily from the drawing room. “I’m not changing anything,” she fumes at a flunky. “I’ve had enough of dressing like this, thank you very much.”


Fortunately an agreement was brokered and Leibovitz produced an acclaimed portrait, featuring the Queen gazing wistfully out of an open window, that was compared favourably with Cecil Beaton’s formal pictures of the monarch’s mother.

Leibovitz, 56, recalled: “She entered the room at a surprisingly fast pace, as fast as the regalia would allow her, and muttered, ‘Why am I wearing these heavy robes in the middle of the day?’ She doesn’t really want to get dressed up any more. She just couldn’t be bothered and I admire her for that.”

Ahhh, as a queen myself I have often wondered aloud: “Why am I wearing these heavy robes in the middle of the day?

But Liebowitz attitude of “uuh, Betty? Can we try one without the hat?” is beyond the pale. Priceless!

R.I.P. LADY BIRD JOHNSON. The former First Lady may not have been a Queen but she behaved regally & well throughout her long public life. The fact that our highways are no longer littered with hundreds of billboards & trash; but instead are alive with beautiful native wildflowers, plants & trees, is solely thanks to The Highway Beautification Act commonly known as The Lady Bird Bill.

Monday, July 09, 2007

This Little Light of Mine

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That Gardening & Dating guide I wrote had better be published soon because I am pooped!
So I’m at LAMPS PLUS On Sunday afternoon. It’s their Summer Sale & I think they do a really good job of following lighting & home decor trends & knocking them off cheaply. I got a huge iron candle chandelier for $59. The other fixture I admired was a crystal chandelier that was really beautiful but the retail price was over $5,000. If this was made of real imported crystals the retail would have been 5 times that at least. Anyway…I’m waiting a long time for my purchase to be rung up when I notice this pretty girl with long tanned legs & a great handbag, talking on her cell phone. I think: “mmm I know her!” I’m talking on my own cell phone when it hits me:”That’s Nicki Hilton!” I turn around and see a tall blonde being helped by a sales person. “OhMyGod!” IT’S PARIS!!!! PARIS HILTON AT LAMPS PLUS! ON A SUNDAY! And of course she’s buying that damn chandelier that I wanted. (PARIS: We have the same taste!) In a flash she’s standing next to me. What do I say? Have you ever read my blog Paris?? : I’m sorry Paris!” “Forgive me Paris!”

“Excuse me” comes out of my mouth before I can stop myself. She turns & smiles. And I swear I’m dumbstruck. She is so pretty in person. Clear bright eyes, gorgeous skin, hardly any makeup. No wonder DAVID LETTERMAN’s always falling all over her on the LATE SHOW. I wanted to say something brilliant but all I could come up with was: “I just wanted to say well done!” She smiles & says “Thanks for saying that!” “No, I mean it, good job!” I say. “Thanks have a nice day” the angel Paris says. And I leave LAMPS PLUS sad but grateful to have basked in her presence if only for a moment. I’m only slightly kidding. That girl has GOT something! (Besides a new $5,000 chandelier!)

One girl who hasn’t got it anymore is definitely KATIE COURIC. She’s on the cover of this weeks NEW YORK MAGAZINE with the interview therein titled: “Alas, poor Couric” And Katie is playing defense. She sounds a bit brittle if not downright bitter when she says:

“I think the one thing that I realized, looking back at it and analyzing it, is people are very unforgiving and very resistant to change,” says Couric. “The biggest mistake we made is we tried new things.”

Mmmm well Katie I think the biggest mistake was in not listening to TheGayGardener when I sent you all those emails in the first few weeks begging you to fire your hairdresser, makeup artist & stylist, all of which you later did but too late for me & many thousands of viewers. Shallow you say? Sure! But I mean pink, shiny lip-gloss?
Over-done blond highlights on a helmut of sprayed hair? None of your blazers fit properly but still they were buttoned & you once even wore a bright white jacket which I thought was the first rule in TV, no white!? It was so damn distracting! And those first months there was so much crammed into 20 minutes of news time, I couldn’t recall a single story I’d seen. PLUS you come on a 6:00 pm in the West & no ones home here to watch you. Give the money back to CBS go back to TODAY & Let MEREDITH return to THE VIEW & we can all pretend it was a bad dream, like “Bobby’s” death on DALLAS.

I read that JANE Magazine ceased publication today! I never even heard of it, JANE?’ Did anyone read it? Oh, I guess not if they stopped publishing it. I think that VANITY FAIR is well on its way out too! Maybe they should stop focusing on that damn annual OSCAR Party or GRAYDON CARTER’s Restaurant & go back to publishing a magazine. What are they doing like 7 “Green” issues a year now? And BONO in Africa? With 20 different covers or whatever? Boring! Sorry. And that freaking Coaster Correspondence with Ed Coaster is not now nor has it ever been funny! Ever! KILL IT! Give me DOMINIC DUNNE & the high society dish. Tell me stories of Old Hollywood. Even CHRISTOPHER HITCHENS and whoever he’s hating on now that’s he’s boxed with God; is interesting at least. I am not sifting through 2000 pages of advertising for any of the stories & profiles that are in this magazine of late.

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Friday, July 06, 2007

No Habla Espanol!

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WHEW! Its hot in LOS ANGELES But not as hot for TheGayGardener as it is for our town's Mayor, ANTONIO VILLARAIGOSA (which translated from the Spanish means:Can't keep it in his pants!)Our mayor,Tony; makes BILL CLINTON look like BILLY GRAHAM.

Married for more than 20 years to a seemingly nice woman named Corina, Tony is up to his old tricks...literally. Make that not quite 20 years married because you'd have to deduct the time they were seperated after the last time Tony cheated in 1994.
Add to this the fact that Mr.Mayor has not one, but TWO Children from TWO different women that he never bothered to marry and you have a family values nightmare!

But what We ANGELENOS so love about this whole story, is that the object of the Mayor's affections this time, is an on-air anchor for TELEMUNDO named, MIRTHALA SALINAS. No she's not the weather girl, but she is HOT! And has allegedly been ivolved with The Mayor's best friend, as well as every high-ranking Los Angeles Hispanic politico. And despite TELEMUNDO'S initial defense of her actions, Ms. Salinas was placed "on leave" today, pending further investigation. Though she initally removed herself from politcal coverage after she began her affair with the Mayor ( by some reports about 2 days after he was inaugurated!) It was Ms. SALINAS who reported to the TELEMUNDO audience that The VILLARAIGOSAS were seperated & divorcing! I think that this is akin to CAMILLA PARKER BOWLES reporting the latest tragic updates from the marriage of CHARLES & DIANA!!!!!! And I think this is a no-brainer: MS.SALINAS's ass should be fired forthwith!!! In an age when RUDY GIULIANI is on his 3rd wife & NEWT GINGRICH serves his wife divorce papers from her Cancer Hospital bed,I don't think that this bars Tony from further higher office, but I do think, in the words of RICKY RICARDO, he has some "splaining to do!"

Speaking of the debate on English as the national language (have you ever known a better segue-ER than me?) Please read PEGGY NOONAN's Friday column. I seriously think that Ms. Noonan should be in charge of the Federal Departemnt of Immigration.
or some branch of the I.N.S. She is Pro-immigrant & Pro-America & speaks in the language of the poet
PEGGY NOONANOpinion Journal

Monday, July 02, 2007

And Not A Drop To Drink

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I know, I know…late again. What can I tell you? I’ve been in the garden! It’s like that scene on one of my all time favorite flicks: TRUE CONFESSIONS. Charles Durning (in an amazing performance) is trying to outwit a priest (ROBERT DUVALL) He’s in the confessional box & is anything but repentant; scowling & seething; he spits out: “Bless me Father for I have sinned, its been 20 years since my last confession…I”VE BEEN BUSY!”
If you’ve never seen the film rent it! Screenplay by the late JOHN GREGORY DUNNE & his brilliant wife, JOAN DIDION, who wrote the most heartbreaking book from last year, that is a smash on Broadway now, called, TheYear of Magical Thinking. Oh & DeNiro’s in the film too! Not too shabby

Speaking of the theatre (we were weren’t we?) Saw 2 shows last week! Theatre in Los Angeles you say? Well yea! Tours actually but still. I saw WICKED at the Pantages on Tuesday. LOVED IT!!! What a clever idea to do the “backstory” on OZ. Or as the trailer says”what happened before Dorothy dropped in” Excellent performances & a very professional production. Totally worth it! GO!
Also saw JERSEY BOYS (uhh look I’m GAY! MUSICALS ARE ALL I REALLY DO!) This is a really terrific show!! I can’t tell you what a good time it is! The story of FRANKIE VALLI & THE FOUR SEASONS is sweet, compelling, & triumphant, backed by some of the most “hummable” recognizable songs of the century. (DAWN, WALK LIKE A MAN, SHERRY BABY, My EYES ADORED YOU etc) and they don’t even mention Frankie’s biggest hit: the theme from GREASE (Grease is the word, is the word, is the word… ) Anyway…my one complaint with this production is that the lead who played Frankie really STUNK vocally. I don’t know if he was sick or just having a “off night”, but he cracked at least once & pulled the old schtick were you just lip synch as if you’re singing because you can’t hit the note. Like LIZA did all through the 90’s! I was bummed because all my NYC friends had raved about the performance of JOHN LLOYD YOUNG who played Frankie on Broadway to great acclaim & who ended up with
The TONY Award & whom I’m sure is “filming” something now & could not be bothered to tour.

Did you hear? That SALMON (The SATANIC VERSES) RUSHDIE & his beautiful & much younger wife, PADMA LAKSHMI are divorcing? I’m sure this has nothing to do with last week’s PAGE SIX sighting of little PAD with an unidentified, yet famous chef, whom I’m also sure was NOT Rocco DiSpirito! This just days after Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II knighted good ol’ Sal. It’s always so shocking when these May/December romances don’t work out

And a Royal segue to that lovely concert hosted by Diana’s boys, WILLS & HARRY Aren’t they so cute? You can see so much of her in them. But poor Wills (um I mean the future KING WILLIAM II of Great Britain) he’s already thinning so badly! He’ll be lucky to have a single hair on that head when they eventually crown it! Just like his Uncle, PRINCE EDWARD, whom it was announced today from Buckingham Palace, is expecting his 2nd child with his wife, HRH Sophie, Countess of Wessex. This chick is 42. Hope she had an amnio before BUCK HOUSE made this announcement.

I went to Mass last night (don’t ask) in BEVERLY HILLS & heard a petition for prayers for BEVERLY SILLS. (Yes I know she’s Jewish but she has a lot of Catholic friends) So I knew she was sick. But was sad to hear of her passing today. Ms. Sills (BUBBLES) to her friends, was one of those gifted Opera divas who make this kind of music & performance acceptable & accessible to the masses & the great unwashed (read: me!) One legendary tragedy of Sills’ life was that she had 2 children who were born deaf. Imagine being a world-class Opera singer whose children cannot ever hear a word you say, let alone sing??

Busy doing WHAT you ask (besides the theatre)?? Hey! I don’t like your tone! But if you must know I’ve been transforming a lovely Courtyard garden in West L.A. The above photos will hopefully justify my absence. And also working on a wonderful beach house in Venice, CA, which I’ll happily show you the end result of next week.

Oh & God yes! HAPPY 21st BIRTHDAY TO little LINDSAY LOHAN Nope that’s not a typo LL just turned 21 today. Her Liquor Company Sponsored Birthday Bash was tastefully cancelled (Not by her MOTHER…I said tastefully) due to the fact that Linds is still in REHAB!

Talk to you soon!