Changing The World One Pansy At A Time!

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Rainy Days & Mondays

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I haven’t cried over a horse since the 1st time I saw ELIZABETH TAYLOR in NATIONAL VELVET, but poor BARBARO really got me.
I truly thought he would make it. The Kentucky Derby Winner seemed to have survived so much & defied the odds, but a sudden complication resulted in his being “euthanized” (God! I hate that word) on Monday. His weeping owner said at a press conference that “grief is certainly the price we pay for love!”

My deepest sympathies to ANGELINA JOLIE & her brother JAMES HAVEN, on the loss of their beloved mother, MARCHELINE BERTRAND, who died this past weekend. I had the privilege of meeting this beautiful woman in my earlier incarnation as director of VALERIE BEVERLY HILLS
Anyone who ever wondered where the incomparable Angelina got her looks only had to gaze into the eyes of her lovely mother. Donations in Marcheline’s name may be made to the Women's Cancer Center of Cedars Sinai

Congratulations to LANCE BASS on his recent weight loss! After 8 turbulent months, Lance has shed the 180 lb albatross that is reality TV Star(?) REICHEN (real name RICHARD) LEHMKUHL Trust me Lance, “the first cut is the deepest” A sweet guy like you deserves better.

Rumors are flying over “the internets” that GREY’S ANATOMY star T.R. KNIGHT is so “disgusted” over ABC’s handling of “IsaiahGate” that he may be leaving the show. His “people” deny this & I certainly hope that it is not true.

Friday, January 26, 2007

And The Winner...By A Nose...

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TMZ is reporting that JENNIFER ANNISTON is very upset with a certain Beverly Hills Plastic Surgeon for intimating to the press that Jen had a nose job! And while the Doctor has not taken credit himself, I’m here to tell you that, if you need a nose job, this is the guy to see! I have personally seen some of his work & he is a true artist! Your friends won’t even notice! They’ll think you simply lost weight! So if you’re discouraged by your profile or suffering a deviated septum (that always sounds so dirty to me!) You should see DR.RAJ KANODIA Jen should be so lucky!

If you live in the west & haven’t pruned your Roses yet, Do it this weekend. And be merciless! Trim the branches just above any new bud leaves & thin out all over, particularly the center! Come Spring you will be rewarded with more & more lovely blossoms!

Ran into “Mrs. John Travolta”, KELLY PRESTON, at an Italian market in Santa Monica today. I immediately went out & bought a truckload of NEUTROGENA Products! Kelly looks so young & fresh & natural…if this is her secret, I want in!!

It’s been a long road from running The President’s Forum For Physical Fitness to the Statehouse in Sacramento & it’s been paved with too many rubber chicken dinners for our beloved GOVENATOR,
. Don’t worry about it Governor, I’d vote for you again Fat or thin!!

I’ll leave you this weekend with an amazing & heartbreaking story of a young athlete from California. This young Jock had Balls!! Bravo! Anthony!

Thursday, January 25, 2007

"Call Me Crazy"

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That’s the title of the autobiography written by actress, ANNE HECHE, after her famous melt-down & breakup with ELLEN DEGENERES. Her tales of having an alter-ego,named “Celestia” who was related to JESUS & was the one who “did the bad things” was fodder for late-night comedians for months. After discovering she wasn’t really a lesbian (& giving all the “no-mo-homo” religious groups ammunition in their argument that being gay “is a choice”) Our Little Annie settled down with a camera operator & had a baby. She also returned to television this year in a show called MEN IN TREES
{Northern Exposure-from the girls point of view} which apparently no one is really watching (least of all me) In order to gain some publicity for the show Anne has wrecked another home, by stealing her leading man, JAMES TUPPER, from his wife & family. Gosh, kids, I really hope it works out for you this time!

Speaking of home-wreckers…While driving to Santa Monica this morning I noticed a very attractive couple driving behind me in their oh-so-trendy & p.c. “Toyota Prius” They followed me all the way down Pico. And I kept looking & thinking: Wow! They’re so cute! And they seem so happy together!..she beaming, as he reached over to touch her face! Guess who?? The pregnant JULIA ROBERTS & her husband, Danny Moder. They turned off after a while so I can’t tell you where they were going, perhaps the O.B.’s office for an ultrasound?

Please do forward all your prayers & notes of encouragement to Grey’s Anatomy’s ISAIAH WASHINGTON who has checked into rehab at the suggestion of ABC. This p.r. stunt is as believable as LINDSAY IN WONDERLAND

Here’s the contact info:

Mr. Isaiah Washington
c/o The George C. Wallace Center for Recovering Bigots
1000 Damage Control Way
Strom Thurmond, CA 90041

God Bless, Isaiah! One day at a time!

Damn! I thought gay break-ups were rough! The AP has a story from Brusells, Belgium, that will curl your hair. Seems one young sky-diver was annoyed that her fellow diver boyfriend had an affair with yet another pretty diver. What’s a girl to do? Yep! Rip the rip-cord honey! She sabotaged her rival’s parachute which never opened! The poor victim was also apparently filming her (final) fall, and the tape is being used as evidence in the murder trial. If you wrote this in a script some “suit” would say, “it could never happen!” Here’s the link:

Skydiver Murdered

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Penance For Sin!

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ISAIAH vs. The Gays, ROSIE O’DONNELL vs. DONALD TRUMP,CRISTIE BRINKLEY vs. PETER COOK, her lying, cheating, whore of a husband….NONE of these scandals has amused me as much as the JOAN COLLINS vs. CHARLOTTE RAE Scandal!! WHAT?? You ask. WHO???? Joan Collins of DYNASTY Icon Fame is Touring in the play LEGENDS opposite her Dynasty co-star, LYNDA EVANS (of YANNI & Bad-facelift-fame!) Well…on the red-carpet on Opening Night Miss Charlotte Rae of THE FACTS OF LIFE (Note to those under 50: TFOL was a NBC sit-com in the 80’s) took the opportunity to totally dis Miss Collins! Calling her a bitch & expressing surprise that anyone would work with her or come out to see her! You HAVE to watch this YOUTUBE clip from ENTERTAINMENT TONIGHT’s THE INSIDER to see Miss Rae’s full diatribe & Miss Collins’s reaction! Worth it just to hear Joan call Charlotte a cow! Miss Rae has always been a bit delusional! At the height of her fame(??) she told my beloved acting teacher, CHARLES NELSON REILLY, that she “lived in constant fear of kidnappers!” BTW, I hear LEGENDS is definitely worth a look-see!

Which celebrity marriage is not quite the “garden of Eden” it seems?
Due to the fact that famous hubby cannot quite keep “it” in his pants” despite the baby & the whole happy family deal? So sad, especially because, “not anonymous” but actually famous wife has a picture opening this month??

OSCAR!! EVERYBODY LOVES YA OSCAR!! Today The Academy of Motion Picture Arts & Sciences announced the nominations for the Academy Awards & I cannot disagree too much with the results DREAMGIRLS led the pack with 8 nominations but alas, NO Best Picture nod! Which I cannot object to! It is a wonderful film but NOT QUITE CHICAGO! However I think the director BILL CONDON SHOULD have been nominated simply because all those wonderful & amazing performances which were recognized HAD to have been ingeniously directed especially since none of the nominees have really ever acted before! As for the other categories, I just think it was fill-in-the-blank after the names of HELEN MIRREN & FOREST WHITAKER these are 2 unforgettable & unmatchable performances!
Although…the DON AMECHE Rule would indicate that Sir PETER O’TOOLE might be a very sentimental favorite for his turn in VENUS! If he does not win, he would enter history as the MOST Nominated Actor with NO WINS!!
So for TheGayGardener it’s HELEN, FOREST, JENNIFER, EDDIE all the way! Gentlemen: PLACE YOUR BETS!

Speaking of THE COLLINS GIRLS: Joan’s sister, celebrated author, JACKIE COLLINS, is nothing if not thoughtful! Realizing that SUZANNE SUMMERS lost everything in the Malibu fire; including her jewelry…JACKIE sent Suzanne a very lovely necklace! Knowing Jackie’s taste in jewels it was likely a huge, gem-studded, cross!
Jackie herself, is a very popular girl-about-town! And quite clever too! She has sooo many friends that she once dedicated one of her best-selling novels:”To My Best Friend-And You Know Who You Are!” And literally dozens of people vied for that dedication!!

Sunday, January 21, 2007

A Watch in The Window

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The most heart-breaking thing about the recent loss of my beloved Sam is trying to comfort his little buddy brother, Max-the-cat! Every night for the past week since Sam's been gone, Max waits in the window all night long, looking for his buddy! I call him & he comes to me & sleeps for a little while on the sofa (we don't sleep in the bedroom now) but always returns to the window to keep his watch. He knows something has happened but can't explain it...neither can I.

Thou Shalt Not

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KITTY KELLEY has a new target in sight! After doing her inimitable “gut & paste” jobs on The Royal Family in THE ROYALS, NANCY REAGAN and most famously; JACKIE KENNEDY in “JACKIE OH!” Miss Kelley has set her sights on…tad ah: OPRAH!!! If any one was ever more ready for “The Kelley Treatment” it’s the almighty OPRAH!

Have you seen these ubiquitous EARTHLINK commercials? They have this idiotic couple talking endlessly about “zipping” & “yapping” I believe they’re referring to text messaging & talking on a cell phone but are trying to be “hip” Have you ever heard of ANYONE zipping or yapping??? Nope!! Me neither!!

You want the measure of fame?? Can anybody name the actual winner of the AMERICAN IDOL contest the year that JENNIFER HUDSON came in 6th runner up? I can’t. Imagine him/her watching as the person who lost to them grabs a GOLDEN GLOBE and likely (we’ll know on Tuesday) an OSCAR!!!

An interesting film opened The Sundance Film Festival on Sunday
BECAUSE THE BIBLE TELLS ME SO. The film shows how the Bible’s verses have been used to justify, over centuries various forms of discrimination & how today’s religious conservatives use The Good Book to back anti-gay rhetoric.

For the Bible also tells them . . .
* And the man that committeth adultery with another man's wife, . . . the adulterer and the adulteress shall surely be put to death (Leviticus 20:10).

* For every one that curseth his father or his mother shall be surely put to death (Leviticus 20:9).
* Moreover ye shall eat no manner of blood, whether it be of fowl or of beast, in any of your dwellings. Whatsoever soul it be that eateth any manner of blood, even that soul shall be cut off from his people (Leviticus 11:26-27).

* Whatsoever hath no fins nor scales in the waters, that shall be an abomination unto you (Leviticus 11:12).

No! Hell is not reserved for gay people expressing their love! It’s reserved for those soul-less idiots who are cruel to animals!! Here’s a link to a lovely story about some loving folks in Florida who buried their dog alive! I said it at the last election but I really do wish Florida would secede from the union! That way the new city-state could claim PALM BEACH Resident, DONALD TRUMP as their own!

Dog Buried Alive

Why D.C Will never be confused with Hollywood:

Dick Gephardt taking advantage of D.C. Restaurant Week Thursday with his wife and a pal at Indique in Cleveland Park. We heard the former House minority leader's crew split a bottle of sauvignon blanc during their two-hour, three-course meal.
 Korin Miller The WASHINGTON POST

Imagine!! One bottle of sauvignon blanc split 3 ways!! The hi-jinks that must have ensued after that dinner!

Saturday, January 20, 2007

Why Is This Woman Laughing?

I KNEW something else was bothering me about the ISAIAH WASHINGTON insanity at the GOLDEN GLOBES...& while watching the week-end round up of the gossip shows it hit me!
Just why the hell does GREY's ANATOMY creator, SHONDA RHYMES laugh out loud when Washington repeats his slur?? Was it a nervous response? Does she really think the word Faggot is funny? What you do not see on the video is what started this latest incident. During the back-stage winner's press conference a reporter, asked a question regarding the on-set fight verbal & physical violence instigated by Washington. Ms Rhymes responded: "Are you serious?" "Are you serious?" YES! Ms. Rhymes this is a very serious matter & nothing to laugh about!

Friday, January 19, 2007

Circus Maximus

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Thanks to so many of you for your cards & emails expressing sympathy on the loss of my beloved Sam. I am still in major denial & cannot believe he’s gone. He was the best & longest relationship I’ve ever had. Poor Little Max (the cat) just sits & stares out the window waiting for his little buddy to come home. How do you explain heaven to a cat???

One reason I’m racing back is that there’s a whole lotta important sh** going down! First of all… ISAIAH WASHINGTON!!! He, of Grey’s Anatomy fame! A drunken MEL GIBSON rants about the Jews! A desperately unfunny, MICHAEL RICHARDS screams “the N Word” repeatedly during his pathetic stand-up routine! And the whole damn world comes to a halt! These guys are ostracized, threatened, arrested, sued and publically shamed!! But this two-bit character actor insults his fellow castmate, T.R. KNIGHT by calling him a “FAGGOT” Then denies it ever happened! And lo & behold in a GOLDEN GLOBES interview again denies the incident, BUT REPEATS the offending slur!! As ELLEN DEGENERIS pointed out this “playground insult” is the one hateful word that is sometimes the last thing a gay man hears as he becomes the victim of anti-gay violence!! And a big Thank You to KATHERINE HEIGEL for standing up for her friend T.R. & for all gay men and for suggesting to Mr. Washington that he “…never speak in public again!!” Right on Katie! And you know what? GREY’s ANATOMY SUCKS this season anyway! PLEASE JOIN ME & SIGN THIS PETITION TO HAVE ABC FIRE THIS ASSH***!


From the above trash to CLASS! With a capitol C!! Is there anyone finer than HELEN MIRREN??? Looking gorgeous at the GOLDEN GLOBES as she sailed elegantly into history! Winning 2 Globes for BEST ACTRESSS playing 2 British Monarchs with the same name! ELIZABETH I & the current Queen, Elizabeth II. Accepting the award for THE QUEEN, Ms. Mirren said the following:

In 1952, a young girl of 25, Elizabeth Windsor, walked into the role fo a lifetime. And I think you really fell in love with her. (and that’s why this award) No Helen! We’re really in love with you darling! ONWARD TOWARD OSCAR!!

You guys know I love AMERICAN IDOL! But was this past week a new low or what? Why are they putting these sad “freaks” on display…simply to mock them? These poor people are NOT IN ON THE JOKE!!! They think they have a chance! The contestants on Tuesday night should have been eliminated in preliminary regional rounds! Not brought before the judging trio to be cruelly made fun of!
What’s next??? Is SIMON COWELL going to replace JERRY LEWIS as the host of The Muscular Dystrophy Telethon so he can really have some fun??? ROSIE O’DONNELL derided this fact on THE VIEW by saying how charming it was to see “millionaires” mocking some poor pathetic souls! I'll go Rosie one better! Yes! I will allow their judgment regarding musical ability… but a closet-case British Queen, a chemically impaired former L.A. LAKER Cheer-leader & a “dumpy” Black guy, hardly have room to judge people in ANY other area!! Let’s STOP this unnecessary cruelty now & bring focus on the contestants who really have a chance!!

Remember when TRACY ULLMAN said that THE OLSEN TWINS creeped her out because they reminded her of the “little monkeys from THE WIZARD OF OZ?” Maybe it’s just me, but is anyone else creeped out by BINDI IRWIN??? I’m sure I’ll catch some flack for this, but little Bindi is getting on my nerves! And NOW She has a T.V. series?? What the HELL was she doing at The Golden Globes??? I’m sorry this little girl has to grow up without her Daddy but…eewwww! And I have found nothing so unsettling as those tandem interviews with MOMMIE DEAREST, TERRIE (“I’ve Lost My Prince”) IRWIN since “Momma Rose & Gypsy Rose Lee” Send the kid back to Queensland, Australia & let her lead some kind of normal life!

Monday, January 15, 2007

And Promises to keep...

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I Promised Sam I'd have his name in lights one day...
this is the best I can do for the moment!

Saturday, January 13, 2007


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OCTOBER 18, 1993 – JANUARY 13, 2007

Age 13 Years, 2 Months & 26 Days


Friday, January 12, 2007

"The British Are Coming! The British Are Coming!"

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I don't think that this what Paul Revere had in mind but...

International Soccer Superstar, DAVID BECKHAM & his Spice Girl Wife “POSH” are moving to Los Angeles where he’ll play for the L.A. Galaxy team. “Becks” contract is reportedly worth $250 million That’s a lot of shoes for Posh, since she obviously doesn’t spend $$ on FOOD! One alarming thing though, is their new best friends are TOM & “KATECRUISE does this portend a conversion to Scientology?? Can’t wait to welcome them to L.A.

Los Angeles is fun this time of year. Awards Show Season. All the stars will be in town for Monday’s Hollywood Foreign Press Awards, more popularly known as The Golden Globes. This is a really fun event because it is an actual dinner where the booze flows freely & everyone gets hammered & hopefully makes an embarassing acceptance speech. The Globes, for years were never taken seriously as an award of merit, because, back in the day, you could influence the judges & just buy one! That is now changed & a Globe win can be seen as a sign of a future Oscar. One of the Legends of The Globes has famed starlet PIA ZADORA winning a “Best New Star” Golden Globe in 1982 for her work (?) in BUTTERFLY due to the “generousity” of her film producer, financier, husband MESHULAM RIKLIS. So to any losers on Monday night, remember PIA ZADORA has one! Another urban legend about Pia, a former child actress, had her starring in the title role in a production of The Diary of Anne Frank. Her performance was said to be so awful that when the Nazis broke into the house to look for Anne, an audience member yelled out: “She’s in the attic!” This story is untrue, but I think hysterical!

MADONNA is making the talk show rounds plugging some kids film or something. On the TODAY show this morning she attempted to defend her friend, ROSIE O’DONNELL. Her response was an inane defense of stand-up comics but the best part is “Madge” felt compelled to mention that she first heard of the Rosie vs. Trump feud “while in the middle of The Indian Ocean!” Ain’t she grand?

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

"That Poor, Pathetic Man!"

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But enough about President Bush…. Actually the above is a quote from Barbara Walters referring to Donald Trump as THE VIEW girls attempted to get back to normal after weeks of this nasty feud. The Donald of course, needed to have the last word (he is pathologically insecure) & fired off another letter saying he felt sorry for BW for being forced to continue to lie for the good of the show. He accused BW of reading her statement off a cue card. And if you watch it, you can see she IS looking down & reading her statement, she seems like a hostage reading a list of her captor’s demands, or maybe it’s just shame?!

LILY MUNSTER IS DEAD! Actress YVONNE De CARLO died yesterday at age 84. To the millions of THE MUNSTERS fans she will always be the darkly glamorous wife of “Herman Munster” & mother to “Eddie”. But she was so much more. She had a long career in films starring opposite the likes of CLARK GABLE & CHARLETON HESTON (She played Moses’ wife in the classic CECIL B. DeMILLE’s THE 10 COMMANDMENTS. And later in life had a huge Broadway success in the original production of STEVEN SONDHEIM’s FOLLIES Musical theatre fans & queens (that’s redundant) can tell you of her triumph in the role of “Carlotta Campion” one of the aging former FOLLIES showgirls. Yvonne got to sing one of the all-time-great “11 0’clock numbers” “I’m Still Here” That’s a song that brings down the house right before the finale. And with her cynical, world-weary, rendition, she did! You may recall the same song being sung by SHIRLEY MACLAINE in “POSTCARDS FROM THE EDGE” PLAYBILL Magazine in its obituary of Ms Decarlo said that THE MUNSTERS “saved her from obscurity!” Isn’t that just too much?

“First, you’re another sloe-eyed vamp,
Then someone’s mother,
Then you’re camp.
Then you career from career to career, I’m almost through my memoirs, but I’m here!” – “I’m Still Here” by Steven Sondheim

Speaking of CARRIE FISHER who wrote the book & the screenplay for POSTCARDS FROM THE EDGE, I just saw her fantastic one woman show, WISHFUL DRINKING at The David Geffen Theatre. I highly recommend it. She may have suffered from mental illness & addiction, but she has fashioned that pain into marvelously funny stories about her famous parents, her famous men, & her famous falls from grace. As she says: “Tragedy + Time = Comedy!”

ROBIN WILLIAMS warning BRITNEY SPEARS to stay away from PARIS HILTON: “No! Girl! Paris is not your friend. I bought one of my daughters a Paris Hilton Doll & it dragged the other dolls down to her level!”

Tuesday, January 09, 2007


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And the hits just keep on coming….
Two new volleys in the Trump vs. Rosie Battle today:

PAGE SIX reported this morning that a hurt & angry Rosie confronted BARBARA WALTERS in the makeup room of THE VIEW. Apparently distressed that BW didn’t go far enough in her initial reaction to The Donald’s blast, Rosie screamed: "You didn't call me for 10 goddamn days, and you didn't tell me what you were going to say on television!" Barbara said she did everything she could to “squash the story!” To which Rosie replied that Barbara was a “fuc*** liar!”
Ohh it gets better… tonight The Donald issued a copy of a letter he sent to Rosie via THE INSIDER in which among other things, he again accuses Rosie of being “very self-destructive” mocks Rosie’s “wife”, quotes BW as saying that working with Rosie is “like a living hell” warned Trump “never to get in the mud with pigs”(!) & not to worry because Rosie wouldn’t “be here (The View) long!”

A few possibilities:

TRUMP has lost his mind. Madness & ego-mania go hand in hand

Barbara did say all of these things to Trump about Rosie. Barbara is gifted at speaking out both sides of her mouth, which in a face that tight, isn’t really all that difficult

Rosie wants out of THE VIEW & is looking to go out with a bang!

Thanks to all of you who’ve shown the best taste in NOT watching The Apprentice:

Cynics speculated that Trump's in-the-spotlight handling of the Miss USA scandal and his counter-attacks on O'Donnell were publicity stunts for the new season of his corporate reality show "The Apprentice."
But if that was the case, the efforts have failed. Ratings for "The Apprentice" premiere, which aired Sunday night, were dreary.
The program garnered only 9.1 million viewers for a sagging 5.4 Nielsen rating — shockingly low for a season opener of the once popular NBC show and about half a million viewers behind the last "Apprentice" debut. It also dragged in third place in its time slot, according to Nielsen Media Research. FOX NEWS

Poor SUZANNE SOMMERS! She lost her $5 million Dollar Beach House in last night’s Malibu fire. Talk about a Phoenix though; nothing, not even this, can keep Suzanne down for long. An ex-con, child of an alcoholic, single mom, sit-com actress, best-selling author,inventor of the Thigh Master & cancer survivor! Her story has so much tragedy they should make a movie out of her life…oh wait!! They already did! A 1991 Movie-of-the-Week called KEEPING SECRETS starring Suzanne as herself!

MR.BLACKWELL has released his annual WORST DRESSED LIST 2006. I can’t really see much to disagree with here. In an historic event there is a TIE for first place!:
1. Britney Spears/Paris Hilton
2. Camilla Parker Bowles (“The Duchess of Dowdy”)
3. Lindsay Lohan
4. Christina Aguilera
5. Mariah Carey
6. Paula Abdul
7. Sharon Stone
8. Tori Spelling
9. Sandra Oh
10. Meryl Streep

Is HALLE BERRY preggers???? Stayed Tuned!

Monday, January 08, 2007


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Beauty can exact a very high price! Nearly 20 acres of the tony seaside California beach community MALIBU burned today, along with 8 million-dollar mansions. Thankfully no lives were lost! Its these damn Santa Ana winds! On the weekend we had 70 m.p.h. winds. TheGayGardener lost a vintage window, a terra-cotta angel, & 10 years worth of climbing star-jasmine, ripped from the walls! I've got to start reading those LEFT BEHIND books, surely the weather indicates that The Rapture is coming.

ROSIE O'DONNELL like many artists, turns her pain into art. The pic above is her painted version of her weeks-long tormentor, DONALD TRUMP. I think she really captured him, no? According to IN TOUCH WEEKLY, MARTHA STEWART sent Rosie roses last week to comfort her, along with a note that read: "WATCH OUT FOR PRICKS" MS has a delcious sense of humor!

HAPPY 50th BIRTHDAY to the plastic PINK FLAMINGO lawn ornaments. Designed in 1957 by an art school student, Donald Featherstone, these birds remain eternally, belovedly, inexplicably, popular. The company that manufactures them turns out about 250,000 pink pairs per year!

My deepest sympathies to ANGIE DICKINSON & BURT BACHARACH on the loss of their only child, Nikki. Nikki suffered from a particularly cruel form of Autism called "Asperger's Syndrome" For those too young to remember, Angie was the sexy crime stopper cop in a trail-blazing show called POLICE WOMAN. Her character's name was "Pepper" & she was fabulous!! At the time there was even some controversy because Pepper wore, wait....JEANS!!! Rest in Peace Nikki.

Friday, January 05, 2007

"The Donald Is A Dick!"

What the hell is up with Donald Trump? This relentless bullying of ROSIE O’DONNELL has to stop! He is looking like a first class misogynist. After buying the fabled MARJORIE MERRIWEATHER POST estate “Mar-A-Lago & turning it into a golf course, He tosses aside IVANA for MARLA then weds MELANIA (the first name of every MRS TRUMP MUST end in “aaahhh” according to contract) He FIRES CAROLYN KEPTCHER; his longtime employee & co-star on THE APPRENTICE, then hires his “marbles-in-her-mouth” pseudo-model daughter, IVANKA. After which, he picks a very nasty public feud with MARTHA STEWART & after that dies down, goes in for the kill with ROSIE who had the temerity to question his role as a moral arbitor & producer of The Miss USA Pageant; while jokingly mocking his “comb-over”, (which every self respecting comedian has made, pardon the expression, HAY, out of!). In the past 10 days he’s called RO so many awful names: FAT LOSER, DEGENRATE, PATHETIC, CRUDE DT is the original “Trust Fund Baby” who perhaps has an issue with woman who have made it on their own! Whatever the pathology, DT looks pathetic. AND he kept it up on the TODAY show this morning… even managing to look like a jerk while being interviewed by MEREDITH VIERA. Maybe the much commented on comb over has completely blocked the oxygen to his brain!

NOW that the FEDERAL TRADE COMMISSION has fined the makers of diet pills like CORTISLIM & TRIMSPA for making false & fraudulent claims, does this mean that ANNA NICOLE SMITH didn’t lose all that weight with TRIMSPA?? Are there any other kind of drugs that induce such dramatic weight loss that any one can thing of???

Thursday, January 04, 2007

Three Wise woMen

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In Celebration of The Feast of The Epiphany...

Guess which was my favorite gift under the tree this Christmas? Yep! The Bible! Martha Stewart’s Homekeeping Handbook. This is an amazing collection of household hints that truly is indispensable. As annoying as Martha is on TV she is that fantastic in print. No awkward pauses, no straining for warmth, no feeble attempts at appearing human, just the facts! Plain simple advice for more gracious living! BUY IT! You won’t be sorry.

Speaking of wise ladies, my condolences to BETTY FORD. This woman has, without exaggeration, saved thousands of lives. And did so much to advance the national conversation, by taking previously taboo topics i.e. abortion, breast cancer, alcoholism, out of the closet.
I know it is for history’s sake, but must we torture these elderly widows with these week long pageants of mourning? The air travel alone! Back & forth across the country; CA to D.C. to MI to CA in a week! Mrs. Ford like Mrs. Reagan before her looked simply done in. JACKIE was in her early 30s & could take it!

And also my sympathies to MEGAN MULLALLY on the cancellation of her talk show. I really liked her style! (And told her so when we met in Vegas last month) Her whole attitude was that of having friends over for a chat in her living room. Casual, natural & not forced. I know the talented EMMY winner & gay icon will bounce back with something bigger & better. The talk show gig is harder than it looks. But why is Megan off the air when DR. PHIL & CARSON DAILY are still sucking up the airwaves?
Hello! iVILLAGE! If you need a replacement for Megan, TheGayGardener is so ready for his closeup!

Thanks to GAWKER for this headsup about The Gays & The Net

A recent national survey found that more online gay, lesbian and bisexual (GLB) individuals use social networks Friendster and MySpace per week compared to online heterosexuals. Other well-known websites such as YouTube, Craigslist and personal web logs also were found to be more popular among GLB individuals.
Even more significant is that gays and lesbians are online much more than their heterosexual counterparts. Excluding email, nearly twice as many gays and lesbians (32%) say they are online between 24 and 168 hours per week, compared to 18 percent of heterosexuals.

The full report can be found at:

Congratulations to MATT LAUER on his 10th Anniversary on the TODAY Show. Love Mattie but every time he admits that BRYANT GUMBLE is his best friend, I cringe! No wonder Annette is always threatening to leave him!

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

Bad Blogger!! Bad Blogger!!!

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Aannnddd we’re back!

Please forgive my long absence. I really haven’t stopped since Thanksgiving. In addition to one yard, two balconies & a terrace, TheGayGardener (N.B. I resolve in 2007 to stop referring to myself in the Third Person) decorated 2 houses, 3 Christmas trees (not to mention the 3 in my own house) and a number of tabletops… if I see one more piece of holly, I’m going to heave. Donald vs, Rosie, Britney vs.Her Liver; I’ve missed so many amusing stories but we’ll just move on & try to keep current. Two of the scariest stories I wanted to comment on though, come from, of all places Spain. To wit:

BARCELONA, Spain Dec 20, 2006 (AP)— The Virgin Mary. The three kings. A few wayward sheep. These are the figures one expects to find in a traditional Christmas nativity scene. Not a smartly dressed peasant squatting behind a rock with his rear-end exposed.
Yet statuettes of "El Caganer," or the great defecator in the Catalan language, can be found in nativity scenes, and increasingly on the mantelpieces of collectors, throughout Spain's northeastern Catalonia region, where for centuries symbols of defecation have played an important role in Christmas festivities.
During the holiday season, pastry shops around Catalonia sell sweets shaped like feces, and on Christmas Eve Catalan children beat a hollow log, called the tio, packed with holiday gifts, singing a song that urges it to defecate presents out the other end.
These traditions, in the case of the caganer dating back as far as the 17th century, come from an agricultural society where defecation was associated with fertility and health.
While the traditional caganer is a red-capped peasant, more modern renditions have gained popularity in recent years.
Copyright 2006 The Associated Press. All rights reserved.


MADRID, Spain: A 67-year-old Spanish woman became the world's oldest mother after she gave birth to twins in the northern city of Barcelona on Saturday, a hospital official said.
The woman, whose identity has not been revealed by Sant Pau hospital, gave birth by caesarian section on Saturday having previously undergone in vitro fertilization in the United States, according to the national news agency EFE.
Originally from the southern region of Andalucia, the new mother chose the Barcelona hospital because it specializes in high-risk births.
The mother and twins are all doing well though the babies are both in incubators, a hospital spokeswoman said. The hospital did not reveal the gender of the twins.
The previous holder of the oldest mother record was 66-year-old Romanian citizen Adriana Iliescu who gave birth to baby Eliza Maria in Jan. 2005

WHAAATTTT??????? If you wrote this as fiction, you would never be published!

In addition to all the Holiday Craziness, a GAYGARDENER GASH!
So I’m helping Santa fill his sleigh with some of my floral creations & the all-steel trunk (Santa drives a BUICK!) comes crashing down on me, leaving a 2 inch tear in my forehead. Thank God I have DR. JESSICA WU on my speed-dial (right after DR. KEVORKIAN!)
She’s the world famous dermatologist who does EVERY Soap Star & a couple of former First Ladies (!!!) Dr. Wu talked me “off the ledge” & gave me an amazing “fade-cream” from Europe that I think is actually working Above is a photo of me with the cream-covered cut, holding “MAX” my cat & putting on a brave face!

A small(ish) cocktail party for New Year’s Eve resulted in the above tabletop! A winter wonderland! New Years’ Eve is easy…just pull all your shiny, silver, mirrored ornaments & holiday décor & set the table. Get height from candle pillars! Also look around the house & use any shiny silver accessory, champagne buckets, chargers, sugar bowls, loving cups, jewelry, whatever you have. Place some small votives around to reflect the silver & you have an instant glittery affair.
PLEASE! If one more person Wished me a “Happy New YearS”…It’s one year at a time, thank you very much! New Year’s (possessive, not plural) Eve! But a New Year (singular!)

Anyway, A Happy, Healthy to you all!