Changing The World One Pansy At A Time!

Thursday, June 04, 2009


Yea its that time of year again and you gardeners know what I’m talking about! SLUG & SNAIL time or as I like to call it SLUGFEST.

Because if these little s.o.b.s actually had heads; I’d bash them in. They are so disgusting & destructive, with their slimy bodies & alien heads, slithering over all my beautiful plants & shrubs, devouring their leaves all the while leaving that silver mucousy trail in their wake. WHAT GOOD DO THEY DO? What purpose do they serve?

I’ve told you before about my BEER SOLUTION. (No not the one where I’ll only drink beer to prove I’m not a lush…that one didn’t work out too well) But the natural remedy to remove slugs & snails by planting a container of beer in the dirt to attract the pests (they love the smell!) & having them fall into the container & drown! Not the perfect solution however, because you have to empty that beer container everyday & look at their bloated drowned bodies as you dispose of them.

So lately I have taken to going on “Night Patrol” The critters can’t stand the sun so only come out to wreak their havoc at night. I grab my flashlight & go into the garden and start to pull them off my darlings with my bare hands! They’re very clingy & they do resist. I send them sailing over the fence with some force or sometimes just crush them with the heel of my shoe. Some nights I am gathering so many (20-30) that by the time I am finished I am seriously considering looking for a French restaurant in Los Angeles just to go & order escargot & have some sort of REVENGE!

Oh & did you know the main visible difference between slugs & snails is the shell? Snails have one & slugs do not. But if you have one kind of infestation you usually have both! TIP: Check the bottom of every potted plant. Lift up the pot. If you see a longish, grayish, slimy thing, that’s a slug! Make him suffer! Off to get my flashlight now. Happy Hunting!

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Only in L.A.

I'm riding my bike on Sunday night at dusk. I come to the intersection of Fairfax & Beverly. There at the light, heading North on Fairfax is a tricked out motorcycle. Not unusual. But (& its hard to tell from the photo) DRIVING the bike is a very large,white, possibly some Great Dane DOG!!! He was aided by an older gentleman wearing a sort of Ring Master's top hat with a black leather vest & sporting longish snow white hair with a matching snow white beard!!

Just another Sunday night in Los Angeles!!


So Different From this Hell I'm Living

"Annnnd we're back...Is the caller there?" As PHIL DONAHUE* used to say after the commercial break. Sorry for the long absence.
I've been so busy working that I have been quite remiss in my duties as a blogger. Please don't tell the National Union of Bloggers (NUB) or my membership may be in jeopardy!

In any event, when we last spoke I left you with the stunning triumph of singer, SUSAN BOYLE, on "Britian's Got Talent" So much has happened to Miss Boyle since then & much of it unhappy. She got the required makeover (new coiffure, serious eyebrow tweeze, new wardrobe...including a leather "biker" jacket) and even a new moniker: "SuBo" as she is now known on the net. In short, she has been turned into a commodity. And like all commodities, she seems destined to be consumed & DEVOURED as quickly as possible; so we can all move on to "the next big thing"

Oh & she LOST the competition... to a not untalented dance troop whom oddsmakers had placed 6th to finish! And oh yea! She is now in a sort of mental hospital for a "rest" I hope she gets that rest. And then rallies to perform concerts all over the world & share her gift with us. But nothing speaks to the condition of fame in this century so well as the contrast between Miss Boyle in triumph the first night we discovered her to the sad, sad, image of Susan in the back of a limo with an outsized & ugly bouquet of flowers in her lap; looking positively bereft! Just keep singing Miss Boyle. No matter what, just keep singing!

*For those of you who don't know who PHIL DONAHUE is think of DR. PHIL but smarter, handsomer, funnier, more talented, better dressed, not a fake doctor, with better guests & topics & a real celebrity wife in the person of MARLO THOMAS. Oh for Christ's sake GOOGLE him!

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