Changing The World One Pansy At A Time!

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

The Party's Over

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But by God, that show was endless wasn’t it? I thought ELLEN DEGENERES did a fine job, not fantastic, but fine. I guess the atmosphere is so insanely pressured, that even the most talented comedians “choke” a bit. Remember DAVID “Ooooohma/OOOPrah” LETTERMAN? HELEN MIRREN was perfection itself. “Dreamgirl” JENNIFER HUDSON Knew her “intergalactic’ dress was a nightmare & rightly changed into a lovely beaded number before she went back to the press room. I LOVE that EDDIE MURPHY allegedly stormed out of the auditorium after winner ALAN ARKIN’s name was announced. The OSCARS’ are sooo NOT about good sportsmanship.

Speaking of OSCAR do you like my fireplace mantle? We gays do “love a theme” to decorate by! I had an old Academy Awards poster (available at that I put in a gold-leaf frame. Any “star” Christmas decorations you have lying around also work & while you’re in the attic or basement, grab some tinsel for your salute to “Tinsel Town” Replace some of your framed photos with pictures of nominated stars. Another cute idea is to take you old photo negatives and make a table runner by curling the film down the center of the table & placing votive candles randomly so that the candle light illuminates the negative. Or simply wrap old negatives around the votives for your celebration of FILM! Too much? Grab some cheap fabric (or again a Christmas tablecloth) in red and make a “red carpet” runner to show off your OSCAR Buffet!

I am so inundated with all the ANNA NICOLE news, that when I heard on TV that various women are seeking DNA from the body of the late (& great) JAMES BROWN; in order to prove paternity, for a minute I mistakenly thought Mr. Brown was now a contender in the “Who’s The Baby’s Daddy” race.

There’s a real scare here in Hollywood involving WOLFGANG PUCK CATERING. Apparently one of the Puck Caterer’s (Puckettes?) has been diagnosed with Hepatitis “A”. No one attending the Academy Award’s Governor’s Ball which Puck also catered is affected (THAT is too mind-boggling to contemplate) but some big name partygoer’s celebrating The Sport’s Illustrated Swim Suit issue on February 14th MAY have been exposed; including “Covergirl” BEYONCE!
“Carl Shuster, president of Wolfgang Puck Catering, said the company was working closely with health officials to contact anyone who ate food prepared in its Hollywood kitchen between February 1 and 20.”


Sunday, February 25, 2007

OSCAR Edition 2007

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“God! “I Hate This Night!” So says Faye Dunaway in the camp classic, MOMMIE DEAREST referring of course to Oscar Night.
I don’t know exactly why but the presentation of the Academy Awards always makes me think of JOAN CRAWFORD. Even though she won only a single Best Actress Oscar for MILDRED PIERCE (a total 40’s soap opera) Joan lived & breathed the glamour that the Academy Awards represents. She was so nervous that she would not win for MILDRED that she stayed home in bed with the “flu” She had the fore-sight to have a chic bed-jacket designed for her though. And when the Best Actress of 1945 was awarded to Joan, she insisted that the film’s director, MICHAEL CURTIZ, race right over & present it to her, after alerting the press of course. Another legend has our Joan always bringing two different dresses to the telecast whenever she would present an award. If the female presenter preceding Joan wore a light color; Joan would wear a dark dress & vice-versa. Click on the Youtube video below & see a hysterical video send up of Faye as Joan/Mommie set to ABBA’s “MAMMA MIA

Speaking of glamour quotients this years Academy Awards will be a lot duller due to press reports that state that BRAD & ANGELINA will not be attending! Damn! I know he wasn’t nominated… but they looked so gorgeous at the GOLDEN GLOBES I really think they should reconsider, c’mon you guys! It’s like the King & Queen of High School skipping the Prom!

I’m sure there will be some surprises tonight, but the one award that seems a “lock” is HELEN MIRREN. I’m not even sure Ms. Mirren was acting….it seemed really more like channeling! I do hope they don’t give Best Actor to PETER O’TOOLE. It would be pure sentiment. Sir Peter is one of the great actors of all time & has given at least 10 brilliant screen performances (A Man For All Seasons, The Stuntman, The Lion In Winter among them) VENUS is not one of them.

My sympathies to one of my favorite performers, KATHY GRIFFIN, on the loss of her dear Dad. I feel like I know her parents having seen them so often on Kathy’s “D-List” show. God Rest his soul.

Financial guru, SUZE ORMAN has come out of the closet as a lesbian. The very attractive & media savvy, Orman gave an interview to The New York Times Magazine and spoke of her “life-partner” of 7 years, KATHY TRAVIS. Suze says: "We're going on seven years. I have never been with a man in my whole life. I'm still a 55-year-old virgin."

The interesting thing is that the “55 yr.old virgin” quote is the one making the rounds. As if Suze just hasn’t met the right man yet!

A heart-felt thank you to producer DAVID GEFFEN for telling it like it is! By now you’ve heard all the bru-ha-ha caused by Mr. Geffen’s interview with MAUREEN DOWD in which he said what any reasonable person who has been paying the least bit of attention these last 20 years knows to be true…Hillary is unelectable! She cannot win!

Thursday, February 22, 2007

"We're Shaving Our Heads & We're Going to Re-hab"

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The only blessing to come out of Florida today is that JUDGE LARRY “JUDY” SEIDLIN may quietly exit the stage that he has hogged lo, these past 2 weeks. With his judgment for burying the late ANNA NICOLE SMITH in the Bahamas, I pray we are well rid of this sniveling showboater! Is it just me or did his “tan” get darker as the days went on? Having lived in Manhattan, I have always been amused by the authenticity of the NEW YAWK accent. But if I never have to hear this jackass again I will die happy! And those crocodile tears at the end… were just too much! A young beautiful woman has died from drugs. Her obscenely young song pre-deceased her by mere months….from drugs! A months-old little girl is a virtual orphan!
This is NOT about YOU Judge Seidlin!! As the brilliant DAN ABRAMS from NBC News said tonight, “The question is WHY?” “This case could have been decided on Day 1” We KNOW WHY, Dan! Judge Seidlin realized this was his shot at his Warholian 15 Minutes of F.A.M.E. Let’s bury the poor girl, award custody to the rightful father (LARRY BIRKHEAD) Sentence the fake-prince Frederick to a life sentence of caring for his lawful wife ZSA-ZSA, disbar HOWARD K STERN for pushing drugs & pimping ANNA & move on to what is really important….BRITNEY

Because BRITNEY SPEARS can still be SAVED! This little girl was smart enough to stage a tantrum against the paparazzi at the home of her ex, K-FED last night in order to avoid his emergency custody hearing that was scheduled today.
It likely went something like this:
B.S .”Look, y’all…y’all are a greedy a-hole, but please I BEG you don’t try to take my babies from me!”
K-FED: “uhhh, OK! That’ll cost you another million!”
B.S.: ”O.k.” Will you take a check?”
K-Fed: “”Yea, but I ain’t wating til you get that million from the salon that’s selling y’all hair!” Where are those kids anyway?”
B.S. “They at my Moms (I think) If I go back to rehab will you get off my back?”
K-Fed: uuuhh..Ok! but make the million cash & tell y’all moms to keep those kids, cause I gots to go to Shar’s for the weekend!

B.S. “Aiight! I’ll go back to Promises! Lindsay & I are working on a script for us to STAR in!”
K-Fed: “is it one of those features?” “Are they residuals”

FAYE DUNAWAY in MOMMIE DEAREST confessing her feelings regarding OSCAR Night!

I’ll have more OSCAR news tomorrow & all through the weekend!! I promise! But this IS the best time to live in LOS ANGELES!! EVERYONE is here & ANYTHING can happen!

“Homosexuality isn’t an identity…it’s a sideline!”
RUPERT EVERETT, famous homo

“Come along, Sophia!”
“But I haven’t finished the Finale!”
Overheard conversation between Mother & young daughter in Santa Monica

“Why do we NOT know who the father is?”
“MAURY POVICH would have accomplished this in 2 days !”
MATT LAUER stating the Obvious regarding ANNA NICOLE on the TODAY Show

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Quotable Quotes

"When A FISH has a little smell, you get rid of the whole fish!"

"Judge Larry Seidlin would like to have his own TV Show"

"Being on an airplane is not fun to begin with but its more fun when they're flying"

"His friends say Broward Circuit Judge Larry Seidlin could have been a stand-up comedian and should have been the first judge to preside over The People's Court on TV" ORLANDO SUN SENTINEL

"Actors are people...only more so"

"I thought maybe she was having a 'hormonal' moment"
ESTHER TAGNOZZI owner of Tarzana's "Esther's Hair Salon" where BRITNEY SPEARS (now committed to rehab again) did it herself.

Saturday, February 17, 2007

Objection Sustained!

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Abandon hope any of you who thought that maybe, just maybe, the whole “CIRQUE de ANNA NICOLE” (as DEFAMER calls it) would be brought to a swift & merciful end! Nothing screams this so much as the presence of JUDGE LARRY SEIDLIN of Broward County Florida.
By now you’ve seen (or worse yet, heard his annoying voice on the radio) the joker serving as ringmaster in his Florida courtroom refereeing the brawl between the dozen of lawyers representing “Mommy & Daddy Wanna-Bes”. Ugh!
Here are some quotes from The Miami Herald:

“Although Broward Medical Examiner Dr. Joshua Perper** has urged release of the body so that it can be embalmed and be presentable for an open-casket viewing, Seidlin said he is in no hurry to do so.

’This body belongs to me now,'’ said Seidlin, who plans to hold as many hearings as it takes to determine who has the right to bury Smith. ‘For the moment, this body is staying right here.'’
He also shrugged off any concerns that Smith’s corpse may be decomposing.
‘That baby is in in a cold, cold storage room, it’s not decaying so fast,’ he said. ‘I’m not rushing — we’re gonna spend a lot of time together.’”
***Dr. Perper is that seemingly nice man with the oddly shaped & unexplained “Gumby” head!

With the will being contested because it gives fake-husband, HOWARD K STERN (And I Quote) “the broadest & most unrestricted powers over the estate”! is this legal genius Judge really the best person to be overseeing these matters? What the culture does NOT need is another show-boating JUDGE LANCE ITO for a new generation!

In another Circus Related Note…BRITNEY SPEARS in her FINAL FAREWELL DESTRUCTION TOUR 2007 has officially “lost it” After dropping by a Caribbean Rehab for a day & before embarking on a search for the perfect tattoo artist, Brit stopped by a TARZANA, CA hair salon! TheGayGardener does hereby bestow the GOLDEN SCISSORS AWARD for BRAVERY to the self-less hairstylist’s who REFUSED to shave Britney’s head! She allegedly grabbed the scissors And began the job herself resulting in her now tragic “Ode to Sinead O’Connor” look! I think that K-FED has a very good case for full custody!

Why Is This Medication Prescribed?
Methadone is used to relieve severe pain. It also is used to prevent withdrawal symptoms in patients who were addicted to opiate drugs and are enrolled in treatment programs in order to stop taking or continue not taking the drugs. Methadone is in a class of medications called opiate (narcotic) analgesics. Methadone works to treat pain by changing the way the brain and nervous system respond to pain. It also works as a substitute for opiate drugs of abuse by producing similar effects and preventing withdrawal symptoms in people who have stopped taking these drugs.

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Happy "Valoween"

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That’s how my friend describes today… she’s a bit cynical.

What’s not cynical but strangely moving, are the pictures coming out of an archeological “dig” outside of Rome. The images (Courtesy of AP) show two skeletons still locked in an eternal embrace. Manner of death and sex (would be so cool if it was a same sex coupling!) of the remains are still unknown but what is so intriguing is that the bones were found in Mantua, Italy, a romantic city just 25 miles South of Verona where Shakespeare set his tragedy; “ROMEO & JULIET” Could these bones be what remains of the most famous “star-crossed” lovers in history? Stay tuned!

Speaking of lovers one of my all time favorites, LARRY KRAMER famous playwright, author (“FAGGOTS”) and first AIDS Activist is pissed at what he deems is the homophobia of U.S. NEWS & WORLD REPORT Apparently in a recent piece the magazine ran on the historic Jamestown settlement they forgot to mention just how very gay the beginnings of our country were! All those John Smiths & Miles Standishes decked out in simple, severe, & elegant Black & White and no one has mentioned the “queerness” of it all! Larry writes:

Year after year in the wilderness made lives for hundreds and then thousands almost too harsh to bear without affection. My own research is turning up not only widespread coupling of men with each other, indeed even with personal commitment ceremonies, but actual families being formed as two men bought infants from the Indians to raise as their own.

Adopted Indian babies??? These “pilgrims” were the MADONNAS/BRANGELINAS of
Their time

I love Larry Kramer! When I first met him 100 years ago in New York, he said to my then famous partner: “THIS is your boyfriend and STILL you’re moving to Los Angeles?” Big Kiss Larry!

I am strangely comforted by the fact that today’s proclaimed winner of THE WESTMINSTER DOG SHOW is an ENGLISH SPRINGER SPANIEL like my beloved Sam (who’s been gone a month now! Though I keep expecting him to walk in any minute!) The gorgeous Champion FELICITY’S DIAMOND JIM also known as “JAMES” was a surprise winner over the previously mentioned BILL COSBY’s dog. A good Springer will always surprise you! I never “Showed” Sam as he was so gorgeous it would not have been fair to the other dogs! Plus he was “fixed” which is a “no-no” in the professional show categories.

“She’s unresponsive, she’s not breathing and she’s…uh…Anna Nicole Smith” - Seminole Florida Police Officer to 911 Paramedic Dispatcher

Monday, February 12, 2007


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Did you know that the Number 1 show dog in the country belongs to BILL COSBY? This adorable dog is a rare breed called a “Dandie Dinmont” described as something close to a dachshund crossed with a “pouffy big-headed poodle". Officially known as “Hobergays Fineus Fogg” but known to his friends as “Harry” he’s won 57 championships this year not to mention thousands of hearts!

Speaking of Dogs…RALPH FINNES scampy mid-flight behavior resulted in getting a flight attendant (I know its wrong but I still prefer stewardess…it was sexier!) suspended from duty. The British newspaper THE TELEGRAPH is reporting that the female flight attendant was suspended by QUANTAS after an “in-flight incident” in which THE ENGLISH PATIENT "star & stew” became “amorous” in a lavatory on a flight from Australia to India last month. Well, it is a long flight!
Here’s a great quote from QUANTAS:
“The flight attendant has been stood down following an in-flight incident

But the money quote is contained at the end of THE TELEGRAPH story:

“The flight attendant served in The New South Wales police force for 14 years before joining QUANTAS in September, 2004.” “She is a qualified scuba diver” I’m sure that little tid-bit is relevant somehow! Love those Brits!!

And a variation on this theme… The “fake-prince” husband of ZSA ZSA GABOR (You DO Know that His Royal Phoniness purchased his title from an impoverished dying noble woman?!) has officially filed a claim of paternity for the baby of ANNA NICOLE and if found to be the daddy, has vowed to fly to The Bahamas & return with little Dannielynn. Freddie admits that Zsa-Zsa ain’t too happy & vows that if he returns with a baby she’s filing for divorce! Hey she’s only 90!! And with her track record she could possibly wheel down the aisle one more time before… well… she’s wheeled down the aisle one last time!

"I thought The Grammys was a pretty dull thankfully PHIL SPECTOR came out & fired off a few warning shots to liven things up!" DAVID LETTERMAN

Sunday, February 11, 2007

Heart On

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You might think that TheGayGardener would love VALENTINE’S DAY but such is not the case. I value the expression & celebration of love of course, all the while loathing the way it highlights the pain & loneliness of those of us who may not have a Valentine. Remember back in the day, in elementary school, when they would distribute Valentine’s cards in class & some kids wouldn’t even get one? I did get a few, but the one I really wanted was from Tommy DeNatale…like that was ever going to happen! But what really depresses me about the day is the cheap cheesiness of the gifts associated with it. All those Goddamn Teddy bears & tacky candy boxes…ugh! And the Flowers!! Just the sight of no fragrance red roses that will never open because they were frozen; surrounded by indestructible “baby’s breath” makes me want to kill myself. And to know the sender spent premium dollars to send them is just too too sad. Which leads me to a fabulous book I’ve just discovered called FLOWER CONFIDENTIAL by AMY STEWART. This book uncovers the “shady” side of the floral business, much the way JESSICA MITFORD famously exposed the funeral industry in THE AMERICAN WAY OF DEATH. One true revelation Ms. Stewart writes about is how the lovely fragrance of roses was deliberately sacrificed & “bred-out” of the blossoms in order to increase their shelf-life & portability. The roses you receive in the dead of February have traveled a long way from South America to sit in your cubicle at the office where the buds do not smell & will fall limp & die without ever having opened. Instead of encouraging more of this insanity why not give your beloved something special & buy a copy of this terrific book.

I don’t know much about these crazy kids & their rock music these days but I do love me some MARY J BLIGE! Wasn’t she fabulous at The Grammies? A few years ago someone gave me her CD “NO MORE DRAMA” I’m still not quite sure why (!!!) But I remain Mary’s devoted fan! And that JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE is so damn adorable & talented I can totally understand why CAMERON DIAZ is desperate to get him back. Biggest shocker of the night was the appearance of SCARLETT JOHANSSON & the announcement that she is recording her first album. Is JUSTIN Producing that?

TMZ has exclusive, authenticated photos of what they are calling “ANNA NICOLE’S DEATH FRIDGE” The look inside her refrigerator in the Bahamas contains some SLIM-FAST SHAKES, some vitamin supplements, injectible prescriptions drugs & a large bottle of Methadone! Ever the loyal spokesperson Anna did have some TRIMSPA products next to the fridge. There was not an ounce of “real” food anywhere in sight.
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Saturday, February 10, 2007

From The Sublime To The Ridiculous

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As the tragic farce of Who’s The Baby’s Daddy plays out in Florida & The Bahamas, The Post Anna Nicole Saga appropriately starts to look like a cartoon. Now even the elderly “fake-prince husband” of ZSA-ZSA GABOR is weighing in with his claim of paternity. And The New York Daily News reported this weekend that ANNA NICOLE SMITH had some sperm frozen from her late billionaire husband J.HOWARD MARSHALL and little DannieLynn could be his baby! Ugh!
The best take on Anna Nicole & her meaning in our culture was written by CINTRA WILSON & can be found at Two money quotes:

"Nobody ever accused Ms. Smith of having any talent, and to my knowledge she never claimed to have any. She just acted like a star, and she was treated like a star -- and the fact that her death has everyone in the media (including yours truly) rushing to write something about her confirms that on some level, she won. She was a star."

Ms. Wilson Continues

What needs saying -- what it seems nobody has yet said -- is that when she was able to suppress her demons enough to pull herself together and look her best, she was fabulously gorgeous. Numerous red-carpet moments, the footage of which we now run over and over again like a televised rosary in order to understand her death, reveal this. Anna Nicole was a star because she possessed an unusually large amount of beauty. At her best, she didn't evoke Marilyn Monroe so much as Anita Ekberg in "La Dolce Vita" -- the strapless black dress, mounds of white flesh, piles of blond hair. She was indelicate, but an unstable element nonetheless -- not so much a candle in the wind as a bonfire in a hailstorm. But the real similarity between Anna Nicole and Marilyn was their shimmering tension -- an unsettlingly powerful physical beauty, collapsing irresistibly in real time beneath the frailties of its hostess. She was entropy porn at its finest.
Read Cintra's entire piece at SALON.COM


Another great quote I just heard on FOX NEWS form Anna's friend, designer BOBBY TRENDY:
"I think that HOWARD K. STERN is the DARTH VADER of the Bar Association"

And the band plays on…

Friday, February 09, 2007

Final Makeup Call

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Just got off the phone with celebrity makeup artist HOLLY PERGOLA. You may know her as ANNA NICOLE SMITH's makeup artist on Anna's reality TV Show. Holly says in one way it was the easiest job she ever had as it was not a challenge to make Anna look beautiful! Holly said this morning:

"I am completely shocked. She was so obsessed with Marilyn Monroe, maybe
this is some way to kind of mimic her idol's tragic life. I don't know if
they will ever know if it was an accident or suicide but it is very sad and
she was such a beautiful woman

Look for Holly tonight on HANNITY & COLMES


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I know we all saw this coming; but did anyone think it would really be this soon? I have no doubt that THE NEW YORK TIMES has had a current obituary written for poor dear ANNA NICOLE SMITH for some time now but dead at 39??? Sweet Jesus!

When I lived in NYC, my friends & I used to have this joke/quote that went, “…and the police say drugs were involved!” because that was the last sentence in so many crime stories we read about in the newspaper. And make no mistake this IS a crime story! That because of drugs & alcohol, the nefarious machinations of an evil Machiavellian attorney/companion (HOWARD STERN was NOT Anna’s husband, that faux wedding in The Bahamas was not legally binding) a sketchy formal education (Anna never went beyond 8th Grade) and other sins… there is a little baby girl, 5 months old, who will never know her mother, or her late brother, and THAT IS A CRIME! I will always cherish the image of the former WALMART employee, waitress from THE RED LOBSTER & JIM’S KRISPY FRIED CHICKEN walking down the steps of THE U.S. SUPREME COURT after her victorious case was heard. Tall, gorgeous & blonde, all in black, with dark JACKIE O sunglasses… it was a picture of “White trash in Triumph” and I loved it!
The happiest woman on the face of the earth MUST be that love-crazed astronaut who has now been knocked off the front page by the death of Anna Nicole

On a lighter note… EXTRA! Had a story tonight about MEG RYAN’s (THIS IS A DIRECT QUOTE!) “”Long-awaited return to the big screen” in a new film called “IN THE LAND OF WOMEN” Have you been waiting?? I haven’t! I was waiting for a brief time for her “lip-job” to return to normal…but I grew bored! Sorry!

I feel like AL PACINO! Every time I swear to never revisit the ISAIAH WASHINGTON Insanity…”they keep pulling me back in!” Not directly related BUT…GLAAD has canceled an appearance by male actress, CHARLES KNIPP’s character SHIRLEY Q. LIQUOR and harshly condemned the actor as racist! I have posted about Shirley before after I saw her act in New Orleans & I think she is brilliant. But apparently just having a character modeled after an African-American woman living in the South is racist.
Never mind that Knipp also has another brilliant character called BETTY BUTTERFIELD, who is very funny too, but may be seen as a defamatory statement against fat, white, Southern women! An African American actor repeatedly screams the “F-word” at The Golden Globes, takes a 2 week re-hab vacation, and suffers no real consequence! A talented performance artist creates a character based on a real life person and is fired & condemned! This stinks!

Did you hear about the NEW YORK Cabbie who found 31 Diamond rings mistakenly left in his taxi by a passenger who had tipped him 30 CENTS on an $11 fare??? This is no joke! The saintly cabbie immediately turned the diamonds in and even refused the $100 reward offered by the grateful (????) female diamond merchant!
The passenger asked that her name not be made public but I have a very good source at The NEW YORK TAXI COMISSION who revealed that her name is MS. CHEAP BITCH!!


Tuesday, February 06, 2007


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So soon after the Belgian tragedy that saw one love-sick woman sabotage her rival by cutting her parachute comes this story from NASA. If you wrote this in a script some executive would scream something about it being over the top & unlikely to happen in real life!

A NASA astronaut is being held without bail after police say she attacked her rival for another astronaut's attention at Orlando International Airport Monday.

Lisa Marie Nowak drove more than 12 hours from Texas to meet the 1 a.m. flight of a younger woman who had also been seeing the astronaut Nowak pined for, according to Orlando police.
Nowak -- who was a mission specialist on a Space Shuttle Discovery flight last summer -- was wearing a trench coat and wig and had a knife, BB pistol, and latex gloves in her car, reports show. They also found diapers, which Nowak said she used so she wouldn't have to stop on the 1,000-mile drive. Reports show that after U.S. Air Force Capt. Colleen Shipman's flight arrived, Nowak followed her to the airport's Blue Lot for long-term parking, tried to get into Shipman's car and then doused her with pepper spray.

Nowak, 43, is charged with attempted kidnapping, battery, attempted vehicle burglary with battery and destruction of evidence. Police considered her such a danger that they requested she be held without bail in the Orange County Jail, reports show.

A married mother of three, Nowak told police that she was "involved in a relationship with," Bill Oefelein, another NASA astronaut, which she categorized as "more than a working relationship but less than a romantic relationship," according to the charging affidavit.

Oefelein, who piloted the most recent shuttle flight in December, could not be reached Monday night at home in Houston.

She found out Oefelein was involved with Shipman and planned a trip to Orlando to talk to Shipman about their relationships with Oefelein, reports show. She also told police the BB gun "was going to be used to entice Ms. Shipman to talk with her."

Shipman, an engineer assigned to the 45th Launch Support Squadron at Patrick Air Force base near the Kennedy Space Center, told police she was flying home from Houston. She could not be reached for comment Monday night at her home near Port Canaveral.

Shipman told police that after waiting two hours to get her luggage, she noticed a woman in a trench coat waiting near the airport taxi stand. When Shipman boarded a shuttle bus to long-term parking, the woman followed, according to police.

When Shipman got into her car in the Blue lot on Cargo Road, reports show, she heard "running footsteps" coming toward her. Nowak tried to open the car door, then claimed she needed a ride, or use of a cell phone.

"No. If you need help, I'll send someone to help you," Shipman responded, reports show.

Nowak claimed she could not hear and started to cry.

"Ms. Shipman rolled her window down about 2 inches, so Mrs. Nowak could hear her... Mrs. Nowak sprayed some type of chemical spray into the vehicle, at Ms. Shipman's face," a detective wrote.

Shipman sped away to the parking lot's toll booth, where she asked a parking employee to call police.

The first officer to reach the Blue lot, saw the suspect drop something black into a trash can at one of the parking shuttle stops. Within minutes, Shipman identified Nowak as her attacker.

A steel mallet, several feet of rubber tubing and hand-written directions to Shipman's home were recovered from Nowak's car, which was parked at a nearby LaQuinta Inn, reports show.

Picked up shortly before 4 a.m., Nowak was questioned until about 5 p.m. when police took her to the county jail.

Her arrest may be the first-ever felony charges filed on an active-duty astronaut, according to the space agency.

"Her status as an astronaut with NASA is currently unchanged. I cannot speculate on what might happen beyond that," said James Hartsfield, a NASA spokesman at the Johnson Space Center in Houston, where Nowak and Oefelein work.

Nowak's biography shows she is a 1985 graduate of the U.S. Naval Academy at Annapolis with a degree in aerospace engineering, and a former test pilot who has logged more than 1,500 hours of flight in at least 30 types of aircraft.

She joined the space program in 1996. Three members of her astronaut class died in the 2003 shuttle Columbia disaster.

A Navy captain, Nowak flew aboard last summer's 12-day flight to re-supply the International Space Station and test safety features and repair techniques.

"A lot of my training is what you might think of as a Flight Engineer on ascent and entry," she said in a pre-flight interview on the NASA Web site. "I sit behind and between the pilot and commander and help coordinate things and keep the big picture."

A Navy commander, Oefelein is a former test pilot who attended TOPGUN, the U.S. Navy Fighter Weapons School. He has flown more 3,000 hours in more than 50 types of aircraft, including over 200 carrier landings, according to NASA.

A father of two children, Oefelein enjoys fishing, hiking and snowboarding, according to his NASA biography. In December, Oefelein, 41, logged about 308 hours in space.


Pleas take special note that among the itmes found in Astronaut Nowak's car after her arrest, were DIAPERS, which she explained she was using so she wouldn't have to STOP on her way to her confrontation with her rival! Now that JUNE ALLYSON is dead maybe DEPENDS can use Mrs. Nowak as their spokesperson! After she serves time of course!

On a much lighter note please enjoy this YOUTUBE clip called OPEN CALL starring the hilarious voice stylings of my friend , the actress, JULIE HALSTON

Friday, February 02, 2007

Pity Party

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Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Delaware Senator JOE BIDEN managed to open & close his presidential campaign in a single day! This hair-plugged, “bright-smiled”, mystic-tanned idiot, referred to his would be competitor, BARACK OBAMA as an “African American who is (Shockingly!!!) articulate, young, great looking, clean & bright!”

I would LOVE this story if it wasn’t so tragic: A young San Diego woman was just convicted of killing her Marine Corp. husband in order to get his $250,000 Life Insurance Policy so she could get her boobs done! She allegedly poisoned her husband with massive doses of arsenic. Then when he did actually die, she had her breasts augmented & proceeded to sleep around as a way to assuage her grief!

Ugh! I am so sick of MISS U.S.A. Tara Conner! She’s been all over the news this week because she’s fresh outa rehab! A full hour on TODAY with MATT LAUER & also an Exclusive on Entertainment Tonight! So she did coke, drank to excess, had sex with a whole lotta boys & girls, went to re-hab and now of course is blaming it on her “abusive childhood!” But whom can we blame for that disasterous post re-hab HAIRCUT??? Bangs, layers AND A SHAG???? Is the First Runner up Still available???

While we’re on the subject of crazy blondes….SHARON STONE told LIZ SMITH she doesn’t see what all the recent fuss is about. As she always calls all her gay friends; “Big Fags!” Sharon is so certifiably insane that NO ONE in HOLLYWOOD will work with her! She had to scout The UK for 5 years to find someone to star opposite her in last years major pile o’crap BASIC INSTINCT 2! I’m here to tell you that just because they let you do their hair or makeup doesn’t mean they respect you or ever will.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY! & Congratulations to our dear FARRAH FAWCETT who turns 60 (!!!!!) this weekend and just got a clean bil of health from her Doctors! She is Cancer FREE!!!
Soooo hooray for you Farrah darling!

Poor TORI SPELLING!! even her 1st Baby Shower won't be hosted by her mother but by
TUPPERWARE!! TMZ is reporting that fans who feel sorry for Tori are buying up thousands of dollars in baby gifts to send to the expecting Tori because they know her mother has abandoned her!! I think that's sweet! I am also very much on TEAM TORI's side. I've read that the mother/daughter breach occurred because TORI was despondent over her mother CANDY's relationship with a "gentleman friend" even while her father (& Candy's husband AARON) was still living! Three years ago I watched Candy crossing the intersection of CANON DRIVE & Little SANTA MONICA Blvd. in BEVERLY HILLS holding hands with this same gentleman & thought it in very poor taste as Aaron was still very much alive! All the best to you & your new baby Tori!!

As a gay man I LOVE SUPER BOWL SUNDAY!!! Simply because the stores & malls are so empty that TheGayGardener can SHOP in peace!!!