"We're Shaving Our Heads & We're Going to Re-hab"

So says DAVID LETTERMAN

The only blessing to come out of Florida today is that JUDGE LARRY “JUDY” SEIDLIN may quietly exit the stage that he has hogged lo, these past 2 weeks. With his judgment for burying the late ANNA NICOLE SMITH in the Bahamas, I pray we are well rid of this sniveling showboater! Is it just me or did his “tan” get darker as the days went on? Having lived in Manhattan, I have always been amused by the authenticity of the NEW YAWK accent. But if I never have to hear this jackass again I will die happy! And those crocodile tears at the end… were just too much! A young beautiful woman has died from drugs. Her obscenely young song pre-deceased her by mere months….from drugs! A months-old little girl is a virtual orphan!
This is NOT about YOU Judge Seidlin!! As the brilliant DAN ABRAMS from NBC News said tonight, “The question is WHY?” “This case could have been decided on Day 1” We KNOW WHY, Dan! Judge Seidlin realized this was his shot at his Warholian 15 Minutes of F.A.M.E. Let’s bury the poor girl, award custody to the rightful father (LARRY BIRKHEAD) Sentence the fake-prince Frederick to a life sentence of caring for his lawful wife ZSA-ZSA, disbar HOWARD K STERN for pushing drugs & pimping ANNA & move on to what is really important….BRITNEY

Because BRITNEY SPEARS can still be SAVED! This little girl was smart enough to stage a tantrum against the paparazzi at the home of her ex, K-FED last night in order to avoid his emergency custody hearing that was scheduled today.
It likely went something like this:
B.S .”Look, y’all…y’all are a greedy a-hole, but please I BEG you don’t try to take my babies from me!”
K-FED: “uhhh, OK! That’ll cost you another million!”
B.S.: ”O.k.” Will you take a check?”
K-Fed: “”Yea, but I ain’t wating til you get that million from the salon that’s selling y’all hair!” Where are those kids anyway?”
B.S. “They at my Moms (I think) If I go back to rehab will you get off my back?”
K-Fed: uuuhh..Ok! but make the million cash & tell y’all moms to keep those kids, cause I gots to go to Shar’s for the weekend!
B.S. “Aiight! I’ll go back to Promises! Lindsay & I are working on a script for us to STAR in!”
K-Fed: “is it one of those features?” “Are they residuals”

“GOD ! I HATE THIS NIGHT!”
FAYE DUNAWAY in MOMMIE DEAREST confessing her feelings regarding OSCAR Night!

I’ll have more OSCAR news tomorrow & all through the weekend!! I promise! But this IS the best time to live in LOS ANGELES!! EVERYONE is here & ANYTHING can happen!

“Homosexuality isn’t an identity…it’s a sideline!”
RUPERT EVERETT, famous homo

“Come along, Sophia!”
“But I haven’t finished the Finale!”
Overheard conversation between Mother & young daughter in Santa Monica

“Why do we NOT know who the father is?”
“MAURY POVICH would have accomplished this in 2 days !”
MATT LAUER stating the Obvious regarding ANNA NICOLE on the TODAY Show