Changing The World One Pansy At A Time!

Monday, April 30, 2007

Ya Win Some, Ya Lose Some!

Yea! We’re Number 1!!! The American Lung Association just named LOS ANGELES first on its list of American Cities with the FILTHIEST AIR!! By every standard & measure L.A. has the most unhealthful air quality in the country. Some days it’s even downright toxic for those with breathing problems. Thank God they banned smoking in public or we’d might have a problem! (puff,puff) The good news is we had fewer dangerous days to breathe this year so our title is in jeopardy.
C’mon Chicago… you could take us…you know it!

In the loss column: TRADER VIC’S=CLOSED!!! It was announced today that the legendary TIKI restaurant’s last day would be today, April 30th. This place known for its mai-tais was cool before and after “cool” You may only know it from seeing the sign on The Golden Globes as it was a main-stay hot spot around awards season given it’s proximity to The Beverly Hilton. But the good news is they’re closing it to make way for Hotel Towers and CONDOS!!! Because you know…we NEED more condos. I just hope they do the new lobby in that dark faux paneling with the fake wood grain & lots & lots of votive candles & white leather furniture & breezy sheer curtains because that is so innovative & you never really see that look around L.A. I remember thinking when they closed CHASEN’s to put in a BRISTOL FARMS that at least we still had TRADER VIC’s but alas…. How did that JONI MITCHELL song go? “…they paved paradise & put up a parking lot”

And guess what? Guess where that freak PHIL SPECTOR went for a drink after murdering Lana Clarkson? Yep! Trader’s! Spector was shaking so badly in court today that I almost felt sorry for him I presume he has Parkinson’s disease it looked that bad. But tell me… is Phil Spector the first man accused of murder who decided to mount a defense as a “poor helpless WOMAN??” For Christ’s sake he looks like my Aunt Florence. (god rest her soul!) At least that long teased out afro looked a little rock & roll in an “Amadeus” kind of way but the short blonde Patty Pageboy??? Is he copping an insanity plea?

Have you ever noticed that those big HOME & GARDEN STORES all offer a money back guarantee on their plants & flowers? I was just reminded of this fact this past weekend. I had several trays of annual & one bougainvillea die on me 8 days after purchase! It is really difficult to kill a healthy bougainvillea in that short amount of time! Hell it’s hard to kill them period they are that hardy. But these big box companies don’t care…because they figure you will never return them in the first place, assuming it is somehow YOUR fault, or if you do show up to exchange them you will make additional purchases and they still win! To hell with that. I’m not RENTING plants! I’m sticking with smaller nurseries full of people I trust! And I’ll be naming names in future posts!

Sunday, April 29, 2007

Reading is Fundamental

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No one actually reads in L.A. but we do love books! We love talking about them, buying them, decorating with them. There is even a company here that sells "Books By The Yard" So you can fill those empty, pesky, shelves in your formal library, with beautifully bound impressive titles that you've likely never read. The best books in Hollywood are those that can be optioned to make films, or in lieu of that, ones written by a celebrity or name. To that end, we had the LOS ANGELES TIMES FESTIVAL OF BOOKS this past weekend at UCLA. It's actually a really terrific event where you can meet authors & have them sign your book. There are also many Q&A panels with specific topics that can be very entertaining & enlightening. Sadly, I couldn't make it this year. But I was secretly thrilled when I went to Mass this evening & noticed a lovely looking older woman in a mint green jacket. Perfect hair & flawless makeup & a square-cut emerald that had to have been 10 karats! "Wow!" I thought..."that is one classy broad!" I kept sneaking a peak at her feeling I knew her. And then it hit me: MARY HIGGINS CLARKE. The vertitable "Queen of Suspense" sitting 2 pews from me! This former flight attendant was a young window with 5 kids when she turned her hand to writing and today has over 80 Million books in print! Mrs. Clarke, a New Yoker, was here to speak at the Book Festival, but by God, her priorities are in order. I wish I had told her of my admiration.

Saturday, April 28, 2007

I Should Have Been A Sommelier

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I do love that word “sommelier” & I figure I drink so much of the damn stuff I should figure out a way to make money from it! One way I get more from my wine purchases is the box! No I do not drink wine from a box (& never have) I mean the actual crate that the wine is shipped in. Usually, especially in the case of imported wines, this is a handsome, wooden, crate that can be re-used for simple storage or just about anything you can think of. I love to use them as flower boxes or planters. You can take same sized vases of fresh cut flowers & arrange them in a box to make a “field” look. You can also your various pots & place them in a single box for a more dramatic effect. But I like to use them as actual planters. First I drill holes in the bottom for drainage. Then I line them with heavy duty plastic (very important for indoor use to prevent leakage) On top of this I layer some rocks or gravel to provide further drainage & root structure. Fill to the brim with soil & then whatever plants you wish to use. Start with a taller plant in the center & then work your way out toward the edges. You can fill in the empty places between plants with moss, stones, mulch or even sea shells. Or you can simply wait for the plants to grow & fill in the empty spaces themselves. Leave on your balcony, terrace, patio, or even driveway. You can also bring them into the house as is if you’re entertaining. You friends will be sure to copy this easy & stylish idea!

Another brilliant idea I heard of this past week is a florist called “Succulent” How may crappy floral “tributes” have you been the receipient of? The ones where you think you’d rather have had the cash?? Or worse yet…the really expensive ones that last what? A week?? That’s why I love this floral design firm started by actress, Samantha Mathis & designer RyannDavis. They only use locally grown, environmentally conscious & LONG LASTING succulents. The kind that even you could kill! Oh you probably could but it would take MONTHS! Call them!

"I love the Italians, they are so dramatic. They use the same tone for "We're out of Parmesan cheese!" as they do for "The building's on Fire!"
-From my travel journal "L.A. to Capri" Autumn 2005

Friday, April 27, 2007

Ring Around The Rosie

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The weather in L.A has finally cleared & yea! I’m back in the garden(s) And to paraphrase ROBERT DUVALL in APOCOLYPSE NOW: “I love the smell of topsoil in the morning!”

Now to the real dirt:

Damn! I can’t stand that THE DONALD is right.

Rosie! What the hell?? Are you telling me that your deal with The View came down to a difference of 2 years??? That ABC wanted a contract for three (3) years & you only wanted to re-up for 1 year??
As that A-hole Bill O’Reilly would say:”I’m NOT buying it! That this announcement of your VIEW Departure comes so close on the heels of your controversial hosting of the MATRIX AWARDS on Monday??
That same awards show where you told THE DONALD to “Eat Me!” while BABA WAWA held her head in her hands? And ended up defending RUPERT MURDOCH! You deliberately let the DONALD Win? And let his prediction of your lasting less than a year come true? I did love your dismissive comment on LARRY KING LIVE when asked about Trump’s obsession with you: “It’s been my life’s goal to give a bald billionaire a boner!”
Today, your website
was over- run with many comments asking for the real truth I found this one interesting:

Lynn writes:
Ro, The nicey nice yesterday on the show was a little to fake. BE honest it is what we are use to! You didn’t want to succumb to any rules and decided to go its okay. Whets your plans now?
its barbaras show
she calls the shots
as she should
it was honest

So it’s Barbara’s show but she has no input in negotiations?? Come on... something stinks here. You added well over half a million viewers a day to that so played-out show & they wouldn’t give you a year at a time deal??
Well, Best of Luck to you Ro! The Daytime TV & the world will be less interesting without your every day presence. I’m not that interested in who will replace you on THE VIEW (I won’t be watching) but I am curious to see which powerful woman THE DONALD will choose as his new punching bag in his desperate attempt to remain relevant.

I gotta hand it to HARVEY LEVIN who broke the “Rosie Resignation” story & so many other celebrity stories this past year. His
website is the place for up-to-the-minute celeb photos, videos & breaking stories. It seems just a few summers ago that Harvey was covering the OJ Trial & interviewing defendants outside THE PEOPLE’S COURT. Way to go Harvey!

And speaking of court…expect to see my favorite British export, HUGH GRANT, taking the witness stand soon as he has just been booked for assaulting a photographer with (I’m NOT kidding) a plastic container of BAKED BEANS!! Really Hugh, couldn’t it have been something classier like edamame or escargot? But seriously he also allegedly kicked the paparazzi & said vile things about the shutterbug’s kids! I think HG should plead temporary insanity! He’s lonely! He still lives down the street form his old flame ELIZABETH HURLEY & was NOT Invited to her recent nuptials & his relationship with the glamorous JEMIMA KAHN ended a few months ago too!

The big story today in Los Angeles has been Mike Penner, long-time Sports Writer for The L.A. Times who announced today that he will be having a sex change operation!(I do have to see that TRANSAMERICA! FELICITY HUFFMAN Must be a better actress than I even thought!) The only sad thing I find in this story is Mr. Penner’s chosen new name: “Christine Daniels” Why do these guys always choose these kind of drag-porn-fake-stewardess type of names? What about Mary Beth Cohen? Or Sarah Jean Klumsky or something, I don’t know… real? Good luck Mike! Errr I mean Christine!

Monday, April 23, 2007

Hollywood Histrionics

If you know TheGayGardener (& you do!) you know I lovvvee Alliteration! So I was very pleased to hear the above phrase from the WHITE HOUSE this morning. The President’s flack was responding to the brou-ha-ha resulting form the confrontation between SHERYL CROWE, LAURIE DAVID & KARL ROVE (journalists the world over are positively gleeful to be able to link those three names in the same sentence!) Seems “The Global Warming Girls” tried to start a dialogue with “The Man Behind The Curtain” in The Bush White House & Miss Rove immediately got her panties all in a bunch! The would-be Mrs. Lance Armstrong got off the best line when she reminded Herr Rove that “YOU WORK FOR US!” Having tried that line myself previously with public servants I can tell you the results are usually less than one would like!

Screw The Sopranos! I didn’t even watch on Sunday night! It’s just so hard to remain loyal to people who treat me like last night’s hooker & only call when it’s 2:00 in the morning & they NEED me! I know it’s the final season, but I’ve lived without them for so long, I’m used to it! What I did watch was (of course) THE TUDORS on SHOWTIME! My Lord! (and Ladies!) I LOVE this show. And the Bonus was SHOWTIME on DEMAND lets you see next week’s episode one week early, so I had two solid hours of JONATHAN RHYS MEYERS all to myself .This show is MELROSE PLACE for the BUSTIER SET
I am sure the casting director must be G.A.Y. because he/they have assembled the HOTTEST men in prime time possibly ever! And a big GAYGARDENER shout out (again) to HENRY CAVILL who really should call me because I’m sure he will be moving to Los Angeles soon to start his film career & will need help with his landscaping/manscaping or any thing else His Lordship desires (see I’m talking like these people already) ‘

I hear that DONALD TRUMP has picked his new APPRENTICE. Does anyone even care? The latest show even took place in Los Angeles & I assure you NO ONE spoke of it & The whole idea was greeted with one big YAWN… despite what The Donald May say!

Sunday, April 22, 2007

Saturday Night At The Movies

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Don’t you love dinner & a movie on a Saturday night? Isn’t there just something so, I don’t know…wholesome, about it?
Anyway here in L.A. there is a wonderful theatre called The Arclight.
A beautiful movie theatre with stadium reserved (!!!) seating. There’s a terrific bar/lounge & you can even bring your cocktails into the theatre with you. It’s like Disneyland for adults.

Went to see FRACTURE starring ANTHONY HOPKINS & RYAN GOSSLING. I highly recommend it! These are two very fine actors in peak form. I remembered something while watching it…truly wonderful acting is, in its simplest form, listening! You have to be listening to your fellow actors (or seem to be) & not worried about your line or hitting your mark or where the camera is. Just listen!
Wish I had recalled that in some of my abortive acting attempts!
Go see the picture! You won’t be sorry.

After the movie went to the wonderful restaurant, MAGNOLIA Hollywood is lucky to have a place like this. Very hip, very chic,
Good food, great cocktails & more importantly a really nice staff.
They treat everyone the same & aren’t looking over your shoulder to see if BRITNEY or LINDSAY are behind you. But can you guess WHO was behind me?? That crazy ANNE HECHE’s Ex husband, (or perhaps estranged, as I don’t think the divorce is final, but she has taken up publically with married T.V. co-star) COLEY LAFFOON. He is very cute & seemed very normal (happy even) He was with two adorable blondes who could NOT have been 25! I guess it takes 2 22 year olds to replace one 40 year old! Good for you Coley!

I love L.A.

Saturday, April 21, 2007

Venus Get Your Gun!

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What a bright, sparkling, bracing, February day this has been in Los Angeles! Too bad IT’S (almost) MAY!!!!!!!! At least there is this pale yellow ball high in the sky that I’ve heard some folks refer to as THE SUN!!

One thing that did brighten my day is the A.P.’s story of VENUS RAMEY, MISS AMERICA 1944. The former Miss Washington D.C. retired to her farm in Kansas where she fired a handgun this past week to prevent an intruder from stealing some farm equipment out of the barn. Ramey who uses a walker said that the burglar, when discovered volunteered to just leave. "I said, 'Oh, no you won't,' and I shot their tires so they couldn't leave. She had to balance on her walker as she pulled out a snub-nosed .38-caliber handgun. "I didn't even think twice. I just went and did it," she said. "If they'd even dared come close to me, they'd be 6 feet under by now."Ramey then flagged down a passing motorist, who called 911.
After winning the pageant (the first red head to do so) with her singing, dancing and comedic talents, Ramey sold war bonds and her picture was adorned on a B-17 that made missions over Germany in World War II, according to the Miss America Web site.
Ramey lived in Cincinnati for several years and was instrumental in helping rejuvenate Over-the-Rhine historic buildings. She returned to Kentucky in 1990 to live on her farm.
"I'm trying to live a quiet, peaceful life and stay out of trouble, and all it is, is one thing after another," she said.
Ramey was critical of later Miss America winners Vanessa Williams (1984) and Kate Shindle (1998), calling the former a "slut" for posing nude in a photo shoot, and blasting the latter for her support of condom distribution in schools. (In an open letter to Shindle, Ramey charged "there is a name for girls who hand out condoms, and it isn't Miss America.")[3] {wikipedia}

Miss Ramey is one hell of a broad! I’m thinking RUE MCCLANAHAN for the T.V. movie!

A sad note about another grand old dame; KITTY CARLISLE died this week at 96. Miss Carlisle was still performing her cabaret act last month to great notice. As the widow of theatre legend, Moss Hart she reigned as Broadway royalty for decades. But if you, like me, are on the dark side of 35, you will recall her from her days as a panelist on TO TELL THE TRUTH. Carlisle always dressed as if she was running to some chic cocktail party after the show, which of course she was.

Luv My Target! Aren’t these watering “cans” so cute? They’re streamlined & sparely designed & come in really pretty colors like lavender & shamrock. And you can buy matching garden tools too.
Guess how much? $1.00 each!! Throw in some seed packets or a small table top plant & you have a perfect hostess gift, instead of that same tired bottle of wine!

Friday, April 20, 2007

Over The Rainbow

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What the hell is up with this weather? Forget global warming…I’d settle for some heat right about now! I blame Congress for screwing up everything when they tampered with Day Light’s Savings Time & turned back the clock weeks earlier than usual. Easter Weekend was cold & dreary here. Last weekend The East coast was inundated with torrential rains while here on the West Coast we were buffeted by winds so strong I expected to see a flying house land on some wicked witch (& I have a short list of nominees I’d like to see that happen to!) Speaking of which: Why do they call them “Gale-Force winds”? After “Dorothy Gale” in “The Wizard of Oz” And they are predicting a weekend full of rain here in Los Angeles. How can TheGayGardener possibly garden or even be fully gay if he can’t even leave the house? Oh all right, there is THAT! But really I am over it!

What never married comedian with more than one hit T.V. show on his resume is gay, gay, gay? He has a new DVD out right now? Any guesses??

In a related matter…And I KNEW this was coming…the tan & hi-lights are just too perfect, but THE ENQUIRER is carrying a story from a former male lover of AnnaNicoleBabbyDaddy: LARRY BIRKHEAD. The guy is a model & very handsome so at least Larry isn’t slumming.
His name (stage?) is KERRICK ROSS & this is the story he’s sticking to:
We were together for about two months and had sex eight to 10 times, always at my apartment. He often spent the whole night with me. I had been ‘out’ for a long time, but Larry was not out of the closet — and he was terrified about his family, who were devout Southern Baptists, finding out he was having a gay relationship

This only feeds into my nightmare: that Larry & HOWARD K. STERN end up as partners, raising little Dannielynn together!

Speaking of Parents From Hell: TMZ has the actual voicemail recording of DADDY DEAREST, ALEC BALDWIN ripping his little daughter, Ireland, a new one, because apparently she didn’t pick up the phone for their previously arranged weekly call. This poor little product of the Baldwin/Kim Bassinger (mis) alliance had to listen to Daddy ranting:

You are a rude, thoughtless little pig."
"You don't have the brains or the decency as a human being,"
he says, apparently upset that she did not answer her phone for a planned call.
I don't give a damn that you're 12 years old, or 11 years old, or that you're a child, or that your mother is a thoughtless pain in the ass who doesn't care about what you do as far as I'm concerned. You have humiliated me for the last time with this phone."
O.K. which Baldwin is Alec? The blonde one who made a film about 3-ways before he found Jesus? The big, dark one who is always getting arrested in sleazy Santa Monica hotels with drugs & trannies? The skinny one who married the skinny one from “Wilson Phillips”?? I get so confused!

Sanjaya??? Thank God! This is a little boy, with a little talent, who went a very long way! He will definitely be a question in the TRIVIAL PURSUIT: IDOL EDITION & hence is assured some immortality!

You would think that a world famous billionaire, with a fading T.V. show would have better things to do; but DONALD TRUMP took the time to purchase ROSIE O’DONNELL’s S&M Leather Costume from the film, EXIT TO EDEN, at auction & send it to BARBARA WALTERS as some kind of twisted joke. I guess the Donald realizes that the only time in the past 5 years he has been remotely relevant was when he was publicly feuding with Rosie & driving up ratings for THE VIEW.

Have you heard the story of Nina Wang? She was Asia’s richest woman who died last week. Popularly known as “Little Sweetie” (don’t you love it?) Wang had a fondness for pigtails & left an estate valued at $4.2 BILLION (U.S.) and she left the whole damn thing to her personal fortune teller! If you were a florist in China last week you did very well! There were tens of thousands of floral tributes to Wang & she was carried out in a flower-encrusted van/hearse! The whole DATELINE aspect to the story is that she had to battle her Father-in-law for control of the estate in a lengthy court room drama because her husband mysteriously disappeared at sea & his body was never found. Her will did stipulate that funds be put aside for her ailing but still living late husband’s father so no hard feelings there! 4 Billion Will bring out the merciful qualities in all of us I dare say! My question is did the Fortune teller foresee her own prosperity???

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Death & Taxes

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An Arizona man who shot at firefighters after they refused to get his cat out of a tree has been sentenced to five months in jail. Jeffrey Francis Cullen, 59, of Kingman, was also ordered to be on intensive probation for five years as part of his sentence, handed down Friday by Mohave County Superior Court Judge Robert R. Moon
Cullen called the Hualapai Valley Fire Department on Aug. 17 and reported a tree fire, but once the three-person crew arrived, Cullen told them he wanted his cat rescued from the tree.
Fire Department spokeswoman Sandy Edwards said a battalion chief told Cullen to call animal control or to wait for the cat to get hungry and come down.
The response apparently incensed Cullen, who went inside his home, got a small handgun and came out shooting.
The firefighters fled, taking with them a 12-year-old boy who had come to see their fire truck. None was struck.
Cullen was facing four counts of aggravated assault and one count of disorderly conduct involving weapons. Under a plea deal, Cullen was found guilty on the four assault charges as non-dangerous offenses, and the disorderly conduct charge was dismissed.
He faced up to three years and six months on each count, which would have been served concurrently, according to the agreement.
"Firemen, they shouldn't have to be subject to that," Moon told Cullen before handing down the sentence.
Cullen admitted to deputies after his arrest that he had been drinking.

"My main thing is going to stay off of alcohol," Cullen told the judge.
Information from: Kingman Daily Miner

Chicago Tops L.A. To Bid For 2016 Games

Is this headline a little gay or what? They don’t have to rub it in!
Los Angeles made a good pitch for the games. And anyone who lived here in 1984, the last time L.A. hosted the games, still gets misty-eyed when they describe the experience! The world-class sportsmanship? Yea, that was nice. The universal spirit of brotherhood? Sure! Loved it! But what really makes Angelenos nostalgic is the unbelievable LACK OF TRAFFIC!! Freeways actually moved! Cross streets weren’t parking lots! Of course that was about 12 million Angelenos ago!

Another thing I love about this country:

So I’m coming home from L.A.X. tonight (thank you Dallas for welcoming TheGayGardener so warmly!) and the traffic is horrific!
The 2 right lanes heading west on La Tierja are completely blocked! What the hell?... Then I remember! It’s TAX DAY! It took me a while to realize because it’s the 17th not the 15th (some Papal dispensation or something) Anyway, there is literally about 300 people lined up in their cars at the Post Office at the airport because that’s the last open P.O. that will post mark your filing with today’s date. Hundreds of folks lined up waiting in their cars on a cold April night, to give Uncle Sam their due! To pay for the privilege of living here. Oh sure, some of these people are just lazy; or are actually getting money back. But the truth is, those who know they’re getting a refund, file in January or just as soon as they have all their W-2s. I’m certain a decent majority of these citizens, who MAY still even be waiting in that line I observed & dozens like it across the country, OWED money to the I.R.S. & were waiting til the last second to actually write the check. But write it, they did. With the full knowledge that the Federal government that they were issuing the check to would use it in ways they find objectionable, immoral or even wasteful. Yes, as LEONA HELMSLEY famously said “Only the little people pay taxes!” But I think that’s HUGE! And Leona is still in jail for tax fraud isn’t she?

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Why I Stopped Wearing Self-Tanner

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courtesy of Queerclick


Wednesday, April 11, 2007


A national figure makes a public, prejudiced, hate-filled statement. There is huge media uproar. Many demand the hater be fired or pay some extreme penalty. Sound familiar? Yep! But ever since good ol’ MEL GIBSON started this “summer of temporary insanity” with his Anti-Semitic rant in Malibu, the rapid (some might say “rabid”!) response has been universal condemnation & demands for re-dress.
In Mel’s case Super-Agent, ARI GOLD called for an industry boycott of the actor/director. BARBARA WALTERS herself said that she “was through with Mel”. In the defiantly unfunny MICHAEL “Kramer” RICHARDS case, the “victims” even hired famous attorney GLORIA ALLRED to represent them.

The single exception in these cases has been ISAIAH WASHINGTON star of ABC’s “Grey’s Anatomy” After reportedly calling his co-star T.R. KNIGHT a faggot in on on-set brawl, the actor repeated the slur in front of a world wide audience at The Golden Globes. Was Mr. Washington fired? No. Did advertisers pull out of sponsoring the hit medical drama? Nope. And to add insult to injury, Washington was nominated for and WON (!!!) an N.A.A.C.P. “IMAGE AWARD”

What DOM IMUS said was horrible, hateful, & indefensible. And the female basketball players he so insulted, have behaved with great grace. But what this teaches us is that homophobia is the last safe form of bigotry. Sort of a “wink-wink, nudge-nudge, gentleman’s agreement” that says “o.k. I can handle the Jews & the blacks, but God save us all from the fags!” {Except for my hairdresser, caterer, decorator & gardener err..Landscape designer!} This belies the seriousness of the fact that simply being gay can still get you killed in many states in the union and the world over. In Jamaica they’ll stone you but in Iran they’ll hang you if you’re found out to be homosexual!

And I ask you, would DON IMUS who is what 82, 83? EVEN KNOW THAT “ho” is an abbreviated form of whore, if all the hip hop recording artists had not been singing this song for the past 20 years?

My favorite moment in this latest drama was yesterday on the TODAY show when (ballsy) MEREDITH VIEIRA asked the Rev. JESSE JACKSON, in all his high-dudgeon, if the same standard should have been applied to him when he made his infamous remark that New York City was “hymie town” Rev.Jackson couldn’t even “rhyme” an answer, but dissembled into a diatribe about UCLA not enrolling enough minorities!

I simply cannot believe that HOWARD K. STERN may have LIED about being little Dannielynn’s Daddy! Did ANNA NICOLE mislead him? He said on the record on LARRY KING LIVE! That he was the father and he has maintained his paternity this whole time. And now that silly D.N.A. shows LARRY BIRKHEAD is the real father of Anna’s baby. I’m sure that a straight, sober, serious, attorney-at-law like H.K.S. would never knowingly speak an untruth. Maybe Anna got a bit confused on the dates?! I only know I am thankful that “Zsa-Zsa’s fake-prince husband” can crawl back under that rock he emerged from when he saw a chance at some publicity! Good Luck & God Bless you Larry B.!

“When Hemmingway committed suicide he put a period on his life. Old Age is more of a semi-colon!” KURT VONNEGUT who died today at 84. R.I.P.

Friday, April 06, 2007


I’m doomed! I am now officially addicted to yet another TV Show.
Showtime’s THE TUDORS. Have you seen it? It’s like MELROSE PLACE Meets MASTERPIECE THEATRE! Ok, sometimes it’s cheesy, JONATHAN RHYS MEYERS frequently slips back into his Irish accent (in his defense the show WAS filmed in Ireland) & it’s more of a “take” than an actual historic account. But it is so p.r.e.t.t.y.
And that’s just the MEN. The locations are beautiful & the costumes sumptuous. The wrestling match between JRM & the handsome EMMANUEL LECONTE as FRANCIS, KING OF FRANCE is worth TiVoing! But the real break out star is HENRY CAVILL as Charles Brandon, best friend of JRM’s Henry VIII. This guy is going to be a big star!

Kudos to The Walt Disney Co. For keeping the FAIRY in “Fairytale Wedding”!!!! Disney announced yesterday that it would open its FTW program to same-sex couples. The Fairytale Package includes a wedding planner, the ceremony, food & beverages, flowers & table decorations at a cost of $8,000. The deluxe package includes a ride to the ceremony in the Cinderella Coach, costumed trumpeters AND attendance by Mickey & Minnie Mouse dressed in formal attire! Having read that, I am not sure if this is what I would call progress!

Have you received this widely distributed email? If you have a cat it will ring completely true:

Excerpts From the Dog's Diary:8:00am: Dog food! My favorite thing!9:30am : A car ride! My favorite thing!9:40am: Walk in the park! My favorite thing!10:30am : Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!12:00pm: Lunch! My favorite thing!1:00pm: Played in the yard! My favorite thing!3:00pm : Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!5:00pm: Milk bones! My favorite thing!7:00pm : Got to play ball! My favorite thing!8:00pm : Wow! Watched TV with my master! My favorite thing!11:00pm: Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

Excerpts from the Cat's Diary:Day 683 of my captivity: My captors continue to taunt me with bizarredangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmatesand myself are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make mycontempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat somethingin order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is mydream of escape...In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomited on thefloor. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at theirfeet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearlydemonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely madepatronizing comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. The audacity!There was some sort of assembly with their accomplices tonight. I was placedin solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hearthe noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due tothe power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use itto my advantage.Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of mytormentors by crawling around his feet as he was walking. I must try thisagain tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs. I am convinced that theother prisoners here are grovelers and snitches. The dog receives specialprivileges. He is regularly released -- and seems to be more than willing toreturn. He is obviously retarded! The bird has got to be an informant.I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I amcertain that he reports my every move.The captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, sohe is safe....... for now...

Here’s an interesting tidbit from PAGE SIX:
WHEN Ellen Barkin called into Bravo's live online show "Watch What Happens" Wednesday night, host Andy Cohen asked Barkin whether she "did it" with George Clooney on the set of "Ocean's 13." "Have you done it with George Clooney?" she asked back. Cohen then told her, "I'd like to quiz you on everyone you've ever done it with," to which Barkin responded, "I know you would. But you don't have enough time." The conversation eventually cooled off and focused on Barkin's favorite piece of furniture - her $60,000 leather coffee table.

I love that Andy Cohen!

Did I not predict months ago that the TOYOTA FJ LAND CRUISER would be THE car to have in Hollywood? Well, just this morning on my way the the beach in Santa Monica, I counted 12 of these babies in various colors on the freeway. Sleek, functional, versatile & fun!! I gotta get me one!

Another reason I feel so fortunate to live in Los Angeles is the abundance of calla lilies. They practically grow like weeds here, many of them decades old. And at Easter? Alleluia! I much prefer them to the standard trumpet Easter lily. Longer stems, prettier leaves, whiter blossoms & oh! The glamour!

A Happy & Blessed Easter to all of you!

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Sunday, April 01, 2007


Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Did you know that April is National Gardening Month (well. It IS Spring!) One cool way to celebrate is to have a Plant Swap! Get together with some of your gardening friends and trade seeds, cuttings or new plants that you love & have had success with. Many perennials need to be “thinned” & divided, so it doesn’t even have to cost you anything. The best part is if you’ve already grown a specific plant in your area or zone, then your friends should be equally successful. You’ll be able to advise them on the best place to plant them & sun & water needs. Thus taking the guess work out of the enterprise. Of course if you’re like TheGayGardener, you’ll just use this as an excuse for yet another cocktail party on the terrace!

Speaking of Cocktails…my best friend Ray & I auditioned to be global “Life Ambassadors” for CHIVAS REGAL SCOTCH on Saturday & had a blast! This very well run event was held at the CHIVAS STUDIO on Wilshire Blvd. in Beverly Hills. The winners get to travel the globe as ambassadors for “The Chivas Life” My Bags are packed!! Wish us luck!

TMZ is reporting that “Anna Nicole Baby Daddy” LARRY BIRKHEAD has fired his lawyer, Debra Opri. But poor Larry was shaken to receive a FedEx package of bills for services rendered amounting to well over half a million dollars! ($620,492.84 to be exact!) Including billable hours for attending Anna’s funeral! As well as a $25 laundering charge for Ms. Opri’s husband’s shirt that he wore to the funeral! Does anyone recall what SHAKESPEARE said about lawyers??

Best wishes to WHITE HOUSE Press Secretary, TONY SNOW who is again battling cancer. God Bless him! His able & attractive deputy Dana Perino, is filling the void in the meantime! One amusing story regarding Ms. Perino’s new role has Education Secretary, MARGARET SPELLINGS telling the Deputy Press Secretary to “Put her Big Girl Panties on!” Nope! This is too easy!! Sorry!