Bride of The GayGardener

HOLY BRIDE OF THE GAYGARDENER BATMAN!



Yep this is exactly what my wife would wear if I were going to marry a woman. I don’t think its all that attractive but it sure did get a lot of publicity for SARAH JESSICA PARKER & her new SEX & THE CITY film. **Photo of London Premier courtesy of telegraph.co.uk*** Sara is wearing a lovely green frock by Alexander McQueen & the aforementioned hat is a one-of-a-kind creation by the talented (if whimsical) Philip Treacy, who also did that feathery thing for Mrs. Parker Bowles when she wed Prince Charles. This little green garden number would cost over $5,000 if you could buy it.
The reviews for the film thus far are mixed but I cannot wait to see the girls & all that fabulous fashion again. (Maybe not the hat) Another reason I am looking forward to SATC is my dear friend, JULIE HALSTON is reprising her hysterical turn as “Bitsie Von Muffling” along with her “husband” NATHAN LANE. I bet it’s huge (But I did say the same thing about Speed Racer!)

Oh & Speed actor, EMILE HIRSCH must not be too happy with the film’s performance either. He fired his agent yesterday.

One couple that should send flowers to their agents are Jonathan Rhys Meyers & Natalie Dormer. THE TUDORS is giving them such a rare opportunity to show off their skills & talents on a weekly basis. The damn show keeps getting better. All these dream sequences foreshadowing doom. And Sunday night featured not one but 2 dance numbers! Forget The Sopranos…it’s DIRTY DANCING WITH THE ROYALS! There was that sexy savage number between Henry & Anne (followed by a raw & violent sex scene) & then the show ended with Anne (joyful with a new pregnancy) twirling round & round & round while her father laughed the devil’s laugh! Anne’s days are definitely numbered; she only reigned for 1,000. So this is likely her last pregnancy & I hear she’s only in for 3 more shows. Maybe she can haunt Henry from the grave in future episodes

Fakes!

Want to make God laugh? Plant a garden! Particularly in Los Angeles.
The intense weather fluctuations make it very challenging. We’ve had weekends with temps almost 100 degrees already (in which I lost 3 hydrangeas) & now we’ve settled nicely into “May Gray” which describes the dreary days where the sun never shines & which of course proceeds “June Gloom” No wonder people start to invest in fake plants & flowers.
The artificial succulent planter above isn’t bad; but in L.A. spotting the fakes is a parlor game that we all play & are exceedingly good at.

But then Mother Nature shows up & shows us up with the splendor of the jacaranda. God I love these trees! They only bloom for about a month; mid April to mid May. But wow! What a show!

And speaking of shows…THE TUDORS just keeps getting better doesn’t it? That Jonathan Rhys Meyers is such a show-off. That naked butt-in-the-moonlight scene went on for what? 20 minutes? He IS really good though. And now that ANNE BOLEYN (Natalie Dormer) is a few episodes away from losing her head; I am just starting to like her; or at least pity her. And her clothes are smashing! And Blessed Mother of God! That HENRY CAVILL just gets more impossibly handsome every week. I miss JEREMY NORTHAM though. His last scene was so wonderfully underplayed. What a pro! It’s perfect that this show is on on Sunday nights because it really is THE SOPRANOS for history buffs.

Not so great apparently is SPEED RACER. I was way wrong on that one.
I even got the opening date wrong. The reviews are awful & the box office will likely be anemic too. I guess I just stick to my decades old “cartoon crush”

Remember when I told you about what I thought was a lovely children’s book called “AND TANGO MAKES THREE” The TRUE story of two male penguins (Roy & Silo) who bond & form a pair & nurture a little egg that hatches into a little penguin called Tango? Well a whole bunch of folks (read: bigots) don’t share my high opinion of the book. It ranks high on the list of The American Library Association of “Most Challenged Books of 2006” I think the opponents of such a sweet & true story are really the “most (mentally) challenged” and should just stick their heads in the ice again & shut up.

Congratulations to:
Scarlett Johansson & Ryan Reynolds on their recent engagement.
Mariah Carey & Nick Cannon on their recent nuptials
And Barack Obama on his being the presumptive Democratic nominee for President.

Holy Gay Garden Gnomes!!!

I love this little guy! Purchased at my favorite boutique...The 99 Cents Store.
The Gayest Garden Gnome:Kelly Green hat, pale pink belted jacket & Tiffany blue pants tucked into brown work boots!
He could do with a waxing though!


One of my all time favorite garden plants is the kalanchoe! Lush,dark, succulent green leaves & tiny flowers in a rainbow of colors.
They need very little attention & are quite tolerant of neglect (No that any of YOU would neglect them!) This is the beginning of their flowering season & it's quite the show! This little baby is the hi-light of my garden wall!

Thank God THE TUDORS has begun again. I just watched the premiere & the second episode back to back! After the bitter disappointment of THE OTHER BOLEYN GIRL , I was so happy to be back in (not) so Merry ole' England. JONATHAN RHYS MEYERS is still riveting, HENRY CAVILL still hot (hotter even!) MARIA DOYLE KENNEDY still heartbreaking & yippie! that crazy sexy King of France is back too. JRM actually even looks different this season. Older, less happy, more conflicted as befits a crazy-in-love-mad-with-lust King, about to sunder his Kingdom. Way to go Showtime!

A ROYAL MESS

You all know what a huge fan I am of the author, PHILLIPA GREGORY, and her books on the Tudors.
So I really could not wait when I learned that a film was being made of her “The Other Bolelyn Girl” starring the hot, hot, hot, ERIC BANA, as Henry VIII. Well, I wish I was still waiting. What a piece of crap. Oh yea, Eric is still hot (when he’s not buried under 50 lbs of what I can only describe as damask bedding!) but the whole damn thing looks & feels like it was shot as a music video. SCARLETT JOHANSSON & NATALIE PORTMAN are fine, I guess but somehow lack the “weight” required to portray women who brought a King to his knees, ripped apart a country & a church & forever changed history. If you really want a good Tudor story then pray that Showtime brings back The Tudors & quick!

You know what really bugs me at the movies? People passing by you on the way to their seats with their SEAT in your face! Who the hell wants to be sitting down with someone’s big ass right above & in front of them? The polite thing to do folks, is to enter the aisle, facing those you are about to pass, & say “excuse me” as you do so! Maybe they only teach this in Catholic school?

The ELIOT SPITZER story is too delicious, no? What do you think “Client 9” is code for? A reference to what, I wonder? Watching tonight, I thought one thing: “why do they always drag out the wife”? Isn’t this further humiliation? I know it’s good politics & sends a message that says, “well if his wife is standing by him, who are we to judge?” And I know we live in different times what with HILLARY CLINTON having set the “stand-by-your-man” bar quite high, but hell, at least she got something in the bargin…a chance at the Presidency. The blogs are ablaze with this story. I found the following joke in a comment on a blog on The Huffington Post:

I'm reminded of the Irish woman who caught her husband cheating on her. The next day she asked the parish priest to say some prayers for her husband as he had died. The priest told her how sorry he was to hear that and asked if poor Shamus had said any last words. She said, "Yes, he did Father.” He said, “Mary, please put the gun down."


I cannot believe that STAR JONES & her husband, AL(I am NOT gay!)Reynolds are getting a divorce! If these two lovebirds couldn’t find happiness, I don’t know who could!

Congratulations to MADONNA on being inducted to the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame! Hers is an unlikely success story & she keeps writing new chapters every year!

Purrrrrr

I’m doomed! I am now officially addicted to yet another TV Show.
Showtime’s THE TUDORS. Have you seen it? It’s like MELROSE PLACE Meets MASTERPIECE THEATRE! Ok, sometimes it’s cheesy, JONATHAN RHYS MEYERS frequently slips back into his Irish accent (in his defense the show WAS filmed in Ireland) & it’s more of a “take” than an actual historic account. But it is so p.r.e.t.t.y.
And that’s just the MEN. The locations are beautiful & the costumes sumptuous. The wrestling match between JRM & the handsome EMMANUEL LECONTE as FRANCIS, KING OF FRANCE is worth TiVoing! But the real break out star is HENRY CAVILL as Charles Brandon, best friend of JRM’s Henry VIII. This guy is going to be a big star!

Kudos to The Walt Disney Co. For keeping the FAIRY in “Fairytale Wedding”!!!! Disney announced yesterday that it would open its FTW program to same-sex couples. The Fairytale Package includes a wedding planner, the ceremony, food & beverages, flowers & table decorations at a cost of $8,000. The deluxe package includes a ride to the ceremony in the Cinderella Coach, costumed trumpeters AND attendance by Mickey & Minnie Mouse dressed in formal attire! Having read that, I am not sure if this is what I would call progress!

Have you received this widely distributed email? If you have a cat it will ring completely true:

Excerpts From the Dog's Diary:8:00am: Dog food! My favorite thing!9:30am : A car ride! My favorite thing!9:40am: Walk in the park! My favorite thing!10:30am : Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!12:00pm: Lunch! My favorite thing!1:00pm: Played in the yard! My favorite thing!3:00pm : Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!5:00pm: Milk bones! My favorite thing!7:00pm : Got to play ball! My favorite thing!8:00pm : Wow! Watched TV with my master! My favorite thing!11:00pm: Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

Excerpts from the Cat's Diary:Day 683 of my captivity: My captors continue to taunt me with bizarredangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmatesand myself are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make mycontempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat somethingin order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is mydream of escape...In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomited on thefloor. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at theirfeet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearlydemonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely madepatronizing comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. The audacity!There was some sort of assembly with their accomplices tonight. I was placedin solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hearthe noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due tothe power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use itto my advantage.Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of mytormentors by crawling around his feet as he was walking. I must try thisagain tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs. I am convinced that theother prisoners here are grovelers and snitches. The dog receives specialprivileges. He is regularly released -- and seems to be more than willing toreturn. He is obviously retarded! The bird has got to be an informant.I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I amcertain that he reports my every move.The captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, sohe is safe....... for now...

Here’s an interesting tidbit from PAGE SIX:
WHEN Ellen Barkin called into Bravo's live online show "Watch What Happens" Wednesday night, host Andy Cohen asked Barkin whether she "did it" with George Clooney on the set of "Ocean's 13." "Have you done it with George Clooney?" she asked back. Cohen then told her, "I'd like to quiz you on everyone you've ever done it with," to which Barkin responded, "I know you would. But you don't have enough time." The conversation eventually cooled off and focused on Barkin's favorite piece of furniture - her $60,000 leather coffee table.

I love that Andy Cohen!

Did I not predict months ago that the TOYOTA FJ LAND CRUISER would be THE car to have in Hollywood? Well, just this morning on my way the the beach in Santa Monica, I counted 12 of these babies in various colors on the freeway. Sleek, functional, versatile & fun!! I gotta get me one!

Another reason I feel so fortunate to live in Los Angeles is the abundance of calla lilies. They practically grow like weeds here, many of them decades old. And at Easter? Alleluia! I much prefer them to the standard trumpet Easter lily. Longer stems, prettier leaves, whiter blossoms & oh! The glamour!

A Happy & Blessed Easter to all of you!