Top 10 Helpful Holiday Decorating Tips

TheGayGardener’s Top Ten Helpful Holiday Decorating Tips

1. Buy a real tree. It’s better for the environment. If you must use an artificial one, please remember to re-shape the wire branches once out of the box

2. They’re Christmas BALLS not BULBS (And I ought to know!)
Bulbs are for lights & some flowers. Speaking of which, forget those Holiday Bulb kits. Even if you’re lucky, you’ll only end up with red amaryllis for St. Patrick’s Day!

3. Strings of lights run less than $2.00 now. Go buy some! Forget untangling the old ones or checking the bulbs with one of those battery operated do-hingies. Go get a facial with all the time I just saved you.

4. If your tree doesn’t take you two full days to trim…You’re doing it wrong!

5. For the love of God, people PLEASE cut off all those little tags & packets of extra bulbs off the light strings. I know there are a lot of them, but is it really THAT difficult? L.a.z.y. I say.

6. A good rule of thumb is 250 l.p.f. (lights per foot. yea, I just made that up) But don’t be chintzy. Nothing annoys The Baby Jesus more than skinflints at Christmastime. It IS his Birthday
I have nearly 1500 lights on my (smallish) tree & you could land a PLANE in here.

7. From this moment on ALL GOLD GARLAND is hereby BANNED
Most especially that thin sparse stuff that’s been wrapped around an old shirt box & been in use since the Carter Administration.

8. Keep a pair of scissors in every room in the house. You’ll thank me later.

9. Satin Christmas Balls. SEE #7

10. Do Something. A wreath on the door. A candle in the window.
A big poinsettia on the table. Go out in the yard & bring some pinecones in (they’re free) It’s Christmas for Christ’s sake.

TheGayGardener Favorite Christmas Memory #3
Christmas 1994:

Ex-Partner: “Charlie you wouldn’t be so stressed out if you kept Christmas simple!”
TGG: “Michael, if God had wanted Christmas to be kept simple, He wouldn’t have had that big production in Bethlehem the first year!”