A Royal Flush

That’s how I would describe this past weekend’s ELIZABETH THE GOLDEN AGE .If only I could flush it from my mind. What a piece of crap. The costumes were beautiful. There! I said something nice.
But Jesus! Historically inaccurate! (Elizabeth never led troops to battle wearing armor; that was Katherine of Aragon) Horribly over-scored; the music was more fitting for a Harlequin Romance Presentation. And Cate Blanchett, so flawless in the orginal…I really don’t know what the hell she was doing here. Some sort of menopausal, middle-aged harpie having a nervous breakdown. The unbearably sexy, CLIVE OWEN was just that….but wearing so much bronzer I thought that he thought he might be playing OTHELLO!

Speaking of Queens…after that dismal night in the cinema on Saturday, my weekend was considerably brightened by attending the 5th Annual BEST IN DRAG SHOW Sunday at The Orpheum Theatre.
This is the annual fundraiser for AID For AIDS. I’ve been to The Emmys several times, The Tonys twice & even God Help me, The People’s Choice Awards, but no show in Hollywood is as glamorous & hysterically funny as B.I.D.S.!

The 7 Semi-finalsists competing for the Tiara were:
Miss Connecticut: JUNE CLEAVEGE
Miss Georgia: PEARL NECKLACE
Miss Minnesota: BINDI DUNDAT
Miss New York: BELLA VIEW
Miss Oregon: HEDDA HARDAHEARIN
Miss Texas: MARIUM RICH
Miss Wisconsin: VELVEETA FONDUE

Any of these beauties could have justifiably won but when the votes were tabulated (by celebrity judges: KATHY GRIFFIN, JENNIFER COOLIDGE, CHARLIE SHEEN, MARTIN SHEEN, JAMES VANDERBEEK, McSTEAMY. REBECCA GAYHEART, CAROLINE RHEA, JON CRYER & my nemesis: PEREZ HILTON) the rightful winner was BINDI DUNDAT with her “Ode To Bollywood”

My absolute favorite part of the evening though was the “color commentary” provided between categories by LOTTA SLOTS & IDA DUNHIM. Just like PHYLLIS GEORGE & HELEN O’CONNELL from past beauty pagents like Miss USA & Miss AMERICA (“Wasn’t that a shame when Miss Alabama’s flaming baton sailed into the crowd?”)

These two girls left no stone unfurled when talking about the contestants:
“Now, I’m not saying MISS OREGON is old…but she knew BURGER KING when he was a PRINCE!”
“Honey! MISS GEORGIA is so old Her BIRTH CERTIFICATE is in ROMAN NUMERALS”
“Darling! Really! Her headshot is a CAVE DRAWING!”

Please mark your next year’s Autumn Calender for this event!
I guarantee you will never have more fun in a theater!

Big shout out to IDA DUNAHIM…brilliant! She had some joke that instead of saying: ”Jesus, Mary & Joseph” she said: “LIZA, LORNA, & JOEY” which were JUDY GARLAND’s Kids… that was hysterical…but I can’t remember it, amidst all the other hysterical lines!

I should have more pics later in the week (including one of PEREZ HILTON & DITA VON TRESE!!)

One Movie I saw this weekend that I highly recommend is THE DARJHEELING LIMITED. This is a magical, colorful, artful fable sort of…I don’t know what the hell it was apart from, ORIGINAL! With great performances by OWEN WILSON & ADRIEN BRODY Go!