"We Didn't Start The Fire"

But some a**hole did! Most of the recent California wildfires were started by arsonists. Can you believe that? When they get these idiots, and they always do, I hope they hang them.

Remember JESSICA SEINFELD? Sure you do. She’s that sweet, New York Girl, who married theatrical royalty in a big $pla$hy wedding, then days later ran into JERRY SEINFELD at the gym (!!) and faster than you can say “residuals”, decided Jer was her true soulmate, divorced the first guy & married Jerry.
And now Mrs. S has written a book about how to get your kids to eat healthy. Big coverage on OPRAH & everything. Trouble is Jess’s book bears some remarkable similarities to another book previously submitted to the same publisher. Both books even have a recipe for grilled cheese with secret sweet potatoes. Jessica’s book is called “Deceptively Delicious” while the other tome is called, “The Sneaky Chef” by Missy Chase Lapine. I’m sure it’s just a coincidence!

Speaking of “Sugar Daddys” I guess I’m too old for one now. In truth, I’ve only really ever had a “SPLENDA DADDY” you know, close, but NOT the real thing…AND with that bitter aftertaste!
Oh yea, I get the presents & the bling but I always have to work so hard for it!

Thanks for writing to commiserate with me regarding my LACK of a nomination for Best Gossip Blog! Here are the three nominees:


Perez Hilton

Gofugyourself

Ohnotheydidn't


Perez…I get. I’ve spoken of his power here before. But these other two? Are they funnier? Better written? Younger? Cuter? Skinnier?
No don’t tell me, I don’t want to know!

Have your costume yet for Halloween? I was going to go as BINDI IRWIN but I’m too tall & I think she’s a tad 2006. I hear that LARRY CRAIG is going to be BIG this year. It’s basically a pair of wing tips with a “wide stance” in a cardboard box made to look like a men’s bathroom stall.

Halloween Decor for $1.99 a pound. Fill every clear container in your house (vases, vaahses, pyrex, votive holders etc.)with candy corn. Vary the container shapes & the candy levels & you have a pretty centerpiece or mantle decoration.

Bindi photo from the AP