Massage With A Happy Ending!

Think that God doesn't have a sense of humor? HA! Every time one of these holier-than-thou jerks falls off their seats of judgement...God laughs! That's why the latest installment of "As The Bible Belt Tightens" is so delicious. Like Jimmy Swaggart & Jim (Mr. Tammy) Baker before him, the REV. TED HAGGARD's fall from grace involves S-E-X! And also like Rev. Baker...it's super-sinful GAY SEX. With an added dollop of drugs (Meth Amphetimine) Rev Haggard is the spritual leader of the NEW LIFE CHURCH in Colorado Springs, CO with 14,000 worshipers but more to the point, is the leader of the National Association of Evangelicals and the force behind all of the punitive anti-gay measure on the ballot in Colorado & across the nation! And a very close personal friend of PRESIDENT GEORGE BUSH...they speak on the phone at least once a week. When he's not on the phone with the President, or devising new ways to make life hell for "the gays" he's writing one of his best-selling books like "TAKING IT TO THE STREETS and "DOG TRAINING, FLY FISHING & SHARING CHRIST" I'm uncertain exactly what the Rev. Haggard means by "TAKING IT TO THE STREETS" but I now have a fairly good idea. I also don't really know what denomination the NEW LIFE CHURCH represents, but it seems their pastor is a "CHRYSTAL METH odist!!" Sorry for the wife & 5 kids (!!!) but as the scripture says:"As ye reap so shall ye sow!"

Saw ANDY DICK walking down Beverly Blvd this afternoon carrying a bag of groceries! On foot??? I guess those NEWS RADIO residuals have finally petered out!

WARNING!! WARNING!!
KIRSTIE ALLEY has announced that she has reached her "goal weight" and will appear in a BIKINI on Monday's OPRAH