Dear Mr Jackman

Wow! Now THAT was an OSCAR show!! Oh sure there’s that endless middle segment that last about three hours; where you could leave & repaint the den & not have missed anything. And there’s what 4? 5? Million commercials?? But hell! I have not enjoyed an Oscar telecast more than when I was a little boy & that long haired “streaker” ran across the screen & tried in vain to upstage DAVID NIVEN.

There were the usual fashion disasters: Jessica Biehl wearing a similar table cloth to Jennifer Hudson’s at the Grammys, Amy Adams blending perfectly into the red carpet she appeared as a floating head above it all, Miley Cyrus in her GLENDA number from WICKED, and of course BEYONCE but at least she has the excuse that her Mother made it! ARDENT PLEA FROM THEGAYGARDENER: I am sure your stylists told you this ladies but PLEASE can we RETIRE the one arm on the hip look forever??? It is so unnatural! O.K. maybe it makes your arm (singular!) look more toned & shows off the gown a wee bit better but seriously you all look like rejects from the VICTORIA BECKHAM MODELING SCHOOL! You too SOFIA!!

Christ! I know Sofia Loren is like 80 so c’mon. Honey, we know it’s a wig, & self tanner & veeners & duct tape…how about next year you show up in basic black with a little gray streaked in the wig just for authenticity?? But I do have to say I LOVED the old-timers; or say veterans, presenting the awards to the new nominees. MARION COTILLIARD was so convincing in her tribute to KATE WINSLET I wanted to give her ANOTHER OSCAR. I do wonder if SHIRLEY MacLaine has ever even met ANNE HATHAWAY but by & large I really bought it! It was rather…classy no?

But the main reason the show worked is that for the very first time they had a genuine MOVIE STAR as the host! A tall, drop dead gorgeous actor, who looks like he was born in a tuxedo, and oh, did I mention that he can SING & DANCE & ACT???? And if that wasn’t enough, he speaks in the sexiest accent on the damn globe- AUSTRALIAN!!! Yea. HUGH JACKMAN, Period! I would watch him if he was reading the proverbial Phone Book. Which is not to say I could sit through AUSTRALIA (the movie) but I want to now vote him OSCAR HOST FOR LIFE!!!

Dear Mr. Jackman,
I am writing this to you,
and I hope that you will read it so you'll know,
My heart beats like a hammer,
And I stutter and I stammer,
Every time I see you at the picture show.
I guess I'm just another fan of yours,
And I thought I'd write,
and tell you so.

You made me love you,
I didn't wanna do it, I didn't wanna do it,
You made me love you!
And all the time you knew it, I guess you always knew it.
You made me happy, sometimes, you made me glad.
But there were times, sir,
You made me feel so sad.
You made me sigh 'cause,
I didn't wanna tell you, I didn't wanna tell you,
I think you're grand!
That's true, yes I do, 'deed I do, you know I do.
I must tell you what I'm feeling,
The very mention of your name
Sends my heart reeling,
You know you made me love you.

I don't care what happens,
let the whole world stop,
As far as I'm concerned you'll always be the top!
'Cause you know you made me love you!
(With apologies to Judy Garland & Clark Gable)

I'd Like to Thank the Academy!

Oscar, schmoscar…last night I went to a party for a LAMP!!!
Oh yes, it’s a big weekend in Los Angeles. All the hotels are booked with stylist’s suites & free swag & the stars have all “got their drink on!” But me? The fancy exterior designer? I got invited to a party at a very chi-chi lighting store to celebrate the 50th Anniversary of the PH Artichoke! Which is a chandelier in the shape of an artichoke!!! I’m a very lucky man. Seriously though; while I recognize that this is a lighting & design icon, surely worthy of some note, I am left to wonder if it could ever be worth it’s nearly $100,00 price tag even if its done in 24k gold.
This is why I’ll never be CLASSY with a capital K! I walk into so many homes in L.A. And spin around & point: “Pottery Barn, Crate & Barrel, West Elm, IKEA, Mitchell Gold, Ballard Design!!!” With a little Frontgate thrown in. I get it! It’s easy. You don’t have to think about it because it all “GOES” together!! It’s functional & comfortable. But I have seen double-wide trailers in the South with more STYLE!!! So if you walk into my house (or a place I have done) and say ”I got that at IKEA too!!” I will die a little inside. So if you can knock-off of a famous interior design piece; I say more power to you, but then why would any spend 100,000 times as much for “the original” You would have to loudly announce to your guests that this was the case. And while I have been on tours of private homes in L.A. where they are more than happy to tell you the price of everything…I don’t recommend this sort of thing!! It’s just tacky!! Nor do I recommend the big joke that is “Design Within Reach (DWR)” I always laugh at that & think: “”Who’s reach?” Do I really need to spend a few thousand dollars on a plastic sofa??? Mmmm NO! I Don’t! But there was a free OPEN BAR & passed hors d’oeuvres so who am I to complain?

Well, I CAN complain about the MOVIES. Yuck! I almost forgot it was even OSCAR WEEKEND Which is a mortal sin as THE OSCARS ARE the GAY SUPERBOWL!! But I think I really enjoyed about three films this year. One. As I mentioned before; was THE VISITOR which I thought was just about perfect! And yes for the love of God please let’s give HEATH LEDGER a posthumous OSCAR he was very good in THE DARK KNIGHT and sadly will not live to fulfill his potential. I would LOVE to see SEAN PENN upset MICKEY ROURKE & win Best Actor. Penn has NEVER given a bad performance, and as a gay man I am sure I am prejudiced, but I LOVED MILK!!!! The Wrestler is quite good but MILK is about HISTORY…where we came from & where we are going as a people! All of us. And sure! Give that lovely KATE WINSLETT the Gold Man for ALL of her (what??? 7, 8, 12?) performances this year!! She IS a marvelous Actress & has been nominated more time without a win than almost anybody living! (except for maybe PETER O’TOOLE) Truth to tell the ONLY thing I am really looking forward to is HUGH JACKMAN hosting!! This guy has got to be the best looking & most all around talented performer working today. He is drop dead gorgeous, sexy, he can act, he can sing, & he can dance . The true “TRIPLE THREAT” as we used to say in the chorus on Broadway!

But what a crappy year for the movies, no? I blame GEORGE BUSH, as I do for almost anything. I Wish You All a very HAPPY OSCAR!! I hope you win “the pool” and I hope there are some God-awful red carpet moments that we can ALL enjoy!!

OSCAR/SCHMOSCAR

My God what a horrendous show Sunday night's Academy Awards was, wasn't it?

For THIS they ended the Writer's Strike?

I love Jon Stewart, I think he is often brilliant. But this is just not his thing.
He already hosted one of the lowest rated Oscar shows in history & now guess what? He topped himself!  Sunday's ratings were in the toilet. At least Whoopi Goldberg's ratings were better even though the Academy snubbed her by not including any of her clips from past Oscar telecasts (they left out Steve Martin too!) The Academy has since apologized. When asked to explain why the late actor Brad Renfro was left out of the annual "ode to the dead" they explained(basically) that there were just too many dead people.

THRILLED for MARION COTILLARD & her deserrved Best Actress win! And she looked so lovely on her Gautier gown.

Someone who did NOT look so hot was TILDA SWINTON. Now don't get me wrong I think she is amazing actress & truly gave a terrific performance in"MICHAEL CLAYTON" But was she aware that the Academy Awards are TELEVISED? Has she developed some ALLERGY to MAKEUP since the film wrapped? Blessed Mother of God! 

Very tall with a SHOCK of red hair & pale skin you can almost SEE THROUGH the lady is ARRESTING! She shoukd come with a WARNING LABEL. A little foundation, some blush, hell it's L.A.... a little self-tanner wouldn't have killed her. And I think she should sue the designer at Lanvin who persuauded her to wear that dreadful dress. She looked like she was mugged on the way home from Graduation. I really like her & think she cold be helped. Perhaps she's just ill-advised. A very interesting woman too. She has some sort of complicated European love life...husband, kids AND a Lover! And we're all friends...isn't that terrific? Sort of?

Somebody who would never be caught without makeup was the late great LANA TURNER. The last great bombshell before MARILYN MONROE, Lana was quite a glamorous character & not a bad actress either. ("Imitation of Life" is one of my all time favorites) Though her 12 yr. old daughter did famously stab her gangster lover to death (Nobody's perfect!) Lana went on to find some happiness with 3 more husbands after that. I read this little anecdote the other day:

"She liked her booze!" the columnist James Bacon recalled. He tells of driving in a limousine with Lana on their way to a cocktail party & watching her sip vodka from a silver flask. "My God! Lana" Bacon said. "You're going to have a drink in 10 minutes!"
Lana replied: "And that's 10 minutes without a drink!" You gotta love those old broads!

I'm going to have to re-think my own drinking strategy for future Oscar shows apparently. I have always made it a policy not to have a cocktail til at least the "Best Supporting Actress/Actor" category which USED to be about 25 minutes or so in.  Not this past Sunday that award wasn't even handed out in the first HOUR! 

GayGardener Decorating TIP: Again this year,  I had fun decorating for my Oscar party with, what else? FILM!  Just grab some cheap film from your favorite discount store (99 Cents!) and use the "spools" as a table runner or garland for the fireplace mantle. Another cute thing is to take some of your old "negatives" (the ones you keep & aren't sure why) & wrap them around some clear votive candle holders, makes a nice effect when all lit up...as do I!

“Why is This Night different from All Other Nights?”

No. I’m not talking about Passover. I’m talking about tonight’s telecast of the Academy Awards. Oscar. And Oscar is all wet. And not just because Los Angeles is expected to get it’s 1,000th day of consecutive rain showers.
Maybe it is because no one was sure it was going to happen at all due to the writer’s strike. It could be the nominated films themselves. “No Country for Old Men” (the likely Best Picture winner) ain’t exactly “Dreamgirls” nor is “There Will Be Blood” “Chicago” (O.k. so I like musicals, I’m a gay stereotype.) Nope, we have a bunch of dark & unapproachable films this year. One major annoyance to me is that the usually wonderful Cate Blanchet is nominated for Best Actress for “Elizabeth: The Golden Age” One of the worst pictures of the year mainly do to Cate’s over wrought & self-indulgent performance, not to mention Clive Owen’s heavy handedness with the self tanner. (Is it me or has there been a film every single year depicting a British monarch? Wanna an Oscar? Play a queen!) But thankfully this award will likely go to Julie Christie, or my personal fave; Marion Cotilliard for her portrayal of Piaf.

I also think part of the reason for the lack of excitement of not downright disinterest; is the 24/7 celebrity culture we’re living in. If you miss tonight’s show don’t worry, ACCESS & ET will be playing the clips & the “exclusive interviews” all week long, I’m sure. By the time a film or performance is nominated we’ve seen about 25 interviews plugging it. It wasn’t always like this.

In the pre- Britney era, you pretty much only saw celebrities (no one really says “Stars” anymore, do they?) when they were working, that is, on screen. Or perhaps chatting with Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show & the occasional scandal flare up in The National Enquirer. So you sort of HAD to tune in to the telecast of the Academy Awards if you wanted to see stars. And see them you did. In all their glory. Because everyone showed up. Or sometimes famously didn’t show up, as in the case of Marlon Brando & George C Scott. All the legends came & strolled down the red carpet. It may not have even been officially “red” back then. Women wore their own clothes & jewels; or if they borrowed them certainly didn’t brag about the fact. There were no stylists. Ladies may have had “the studio” do their hair & makeup but no one talked about that. Actually, Grace Kelly who won a Best Actress Oscar for “The Country Girl”, had to do her own hair in the limo on the way to the ceremony. She was working late, racing to the theatre, and her “coiffure” failed her. She simply took a few roses from a corsage given her & tucked them in her pinned up hair & never looked more breathtaking. Though, Judy Garland still should have won that year for “A Star is Born”

You can tell I have a lot of Oscar trivia stuffed in my head. I can’t help it. I only learned about the “situation in the Middle East” after Vanessa Redgrave was booed during her acceptance speech (Best Supporting Actress: “Julia”) for making Pro-Palestinian statements. I always thought of the Oscars as “The Gay Superbowl” Oh well. Maybe the commercials will be interesting.