Changing The World One Pansy At A Time!

Thursday, August 07, 2008

HOME ALONE: The International Edition

I’m the oldest of seven children. 5 boys & two girls. There is 9 & a half years separating me from the youngest. We didn’t take many vacations growing up. We did go to Disney World once. But usually one week at the Jersey Shore was about all my folks could swing, God Bless them.
One time in a story retold so often in the neighborhood its now legend, my Dad thought it would be a great idea to finally use the “luggage rack” on the top of the faux-wood-paneled FORD “Grand Torino” Station Wagon. The only problem was we didn’t have any luggage. Each kid put their week’s worth of clothes in a plastic trash bag which my Dad tied to the rack on the roof & off we went.
Driving down the New Jersey Turnpike, we’re about halfway to the shore (as we say) My Dad is feeling rather smug at this point as he only had to threaten to “turn this God Damn Car around” about 10 times! (A new low) Cars begin honking their horns at us & one gentleman signals for my Dad to pull over to the side of the road. We pull over. The other driver says he’s been honking & trying to get our attention for the past 10 miles! My Dad says: “Hey Buddy! With all these kids in the back, I’m lucky I can hear myself think! (Which he said all the time & which I never understood. Could he HEAR himself THINK? Can ANYONE? Is this a GOOD thing?) “What’s the problem?” Dad asks. “Well, for at least the past ten miles you’ve been losing clothes & towels & flip-flops & whole plastic bags off the top of your roof!” “Just wanted to let you know!” Yep. We’d been driving for hours with all our brightly colored summer clothes trailing behind us like participants in some white trash sailing regatta.
I thought that was the end of the humiliation til it was decided we would stop off at the Wildwood WOOLWORTH’S (that’s the old timey WALMART) where we were allowed to each pick out one (!!!!) bathing suit, one shirt, one pair of shorts & a pair of flip flops, for an ENTIRE WEEK!!!! Thank God it was an “off-week” & I didn’t run into anybody I knew!

I thought of this incident this week when I read about another large family’s traveling woes. Yea! I totally get it that it is difficult traveling with a bunch of kids. All that “gear” (strollers & car seats & toys etc) but…
This family from Israel is taking a vacation to Europe. They do a little duty-free shopping & board the plane with their 5 kids & their 18 pieces of LUGGAGE (God damn right I’m jealous & it’s probably really good stuff like Hartman or something) 40 minutes into their flight, the crew approaches the parents to inquire as to perhaps they may have forgotten something? OR SOMEONE???
Seems they left their little 3 year-old daughter back at the airport! I know… this story begs a thousand different questions! 40 MINUTES into the FLIGHT?? And they still do not notice? Hell if the crew hadn’t informed the parents WHEN would they have realized? How where they even able to board the flight with an unaccounted for boarding pass? SECURITY Anyone?? Yes, the parents are IDIOTS! But what about the four other kids?? Are they all three years old? Are they MUTE? Not one said, “ummmm Daddy, where’s Rachel?? Did we leave her someplace?” My theory is that those kids KNEW! You see, all of them are BOYS. The little girl was the only daughter and those boys saw a chance to exact their revenge on that little bratty sister of theirs!

And I am so NOT saying that because my two bratty sisters got to pick out TWO outfits each on that doomed trip to the shore, just because ‘they’re girls”! No. I’m over that.>Link

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