thegaygardener

Changing The World One Pansy At A Time!

Thursday, June 14, 2007

Clear Body Clear Mind

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

And a damn dirty porch!!! Thanks to the Church (?) of Scientology.
Amongst the flyers for maid Services, tree removal & Chinese Take-Out menus, many of us Angelenos arrive home to find our mailboxes stuffed with the writings of L. Ron Hubbard. Well in my case not the mailbox, but my front porch. This inexplicably annoys me to no end.
I look around & see a young woman distributing these newspapers by hand. “Excuse me!” “yea?” she says. “Are you the one papering the block with those materials? I ask. “yea, why?” she wants to know. “Who pays you to do this” “ummm (unintelligible)” Are you a Scientologist?” I inquire. “yes!” she brightens. “why?” I say,”no sweetie, I’m not interested in converting thanks!” “I’m quite comfortable being gay” Zuma’s face clouds like she doesn’t get the reference. (Yes, her name was Zuma, as in beach, I asked) “Look, would you mind just putting this crap in the mailbox, & not all over the porch?” I plead. “What’s your address?” she demands” “Oh no you don’t!”…it doesn’t matter what my address is the whole damn block is covered with this crap!” Zuma then explains with a stiff dead smile that it is against Federal Laws for her to put her pamphlets in someone’s mailbox!
Christ on The Cross! Even their newspaper girls give me the willies!

ACCESS HOLLYWOOD has a big scoop!:

NEW YORK, NY (June 13, 2007) – Angelina Jolie rocked the shabby chic look at the New York premiere of “A Mighty Heart” on Wednesday night.
Did she show up wearing St. John, the label she’s the contracted face of?
Nope!
Angie tells Access that the silk velvet dress she was sporting was from the vintage store Wasteland on Melrose Avenue in LA.

Now before everyone starts racing to WASTELAND, remember Angie has about 3 full time stylists whose full time job it is to scour the world looking for cool clothes. And more to the point this girl would look good in a burlap sack!

There’s a bank robber on the loose in Los Angeles. The thief has hit a number of banking institutions, the most recent in Newport Beach. He wears & hat & sunglasses but has a very distinct “odor” The bank teller victims all say he smells like DIRT! The police feel he may make a living as a gardener! So they’ve dubbed him, “The Landscaper Bandit” With my profit margins, bank robbing would seem a good idea, but trust me, it ain’t me! Plus “on camera” this dude looks like he weighs 300 lbs, & I only weigh…oh, right, like I was going to reveal my weight here!

Happy Flag Day Everybody!! Long may she wave!

“President Bush traveled to Albania (he actually thought he was going to Albany) where his watch was stolen right off his wrist as he shook hands with the crowd. That makes him the first President to be robbed since…well since AL GORE!” David Letterman

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