Sweet 16

From THE SAM DIARIES


I like to say that Sam & I met on the last day of my 29th year & that I stayed that age in his eyes, if no one else’s.
Everyone thinks that their pet is special. Mine was specially neurotic. I wish I knew where he got it! Unlike most dogs I see in Los Angeles he hated riding in the car. He would only sleep in his “doggy bed” if it was placed on top of my bed. He lived the entire last year of his life eating nothing but avocadoes & imported Italian Parmesan Cheese (@ $24 per lb!) And oh…he smoked! Yea I am deeply ashamed to admit it but Sam loved a good cigarette!

He was very beautiful & very vain & I think he thought the Parliament Lights kept his weight in check. He didn’t exactly light up. But as a medically diagnosed “garbage eater” ( I paid some vet a lot of money for that insight!) he’d plow though anything in the trash,: rotten food, empty shampoo bottles; he loved a good used disposable razor (& never a mark in his mouth!) and all the ciggy butts he could find! It took me a while to realize this. But on the rare occasion I would happen to light one up (cough! cough!) Sam would start barking at me loudly & urgently; til one day I realized he was asking to bum a smoke…he was completely addicted. Nicotine gum is NOT an option for pets & they don’t as yet make a “Doggy PATCH” So eventually he had to quit cold turkey! He was pretty miserable & did pack on a few pounds but I never said a word about it!

How do you tell the story of your life with a dog? We played fetch, he slobbered on the guests, barked at the mailman, ate a biscuit etc.??
I’m not a “pet person” really. It was my EX’s idea to get a dog. We had just “lost” a cat to the coyotes in the Hollywood Hills and wanted to improve our odds with a larger animal. With no notion or research, we ended up with an English Springer Spaniel we named: “Charmichael’s Canyonwood Sam” (something fancy for the AKC Papers!) Son of Champion “Reverence” & “Cachet”.

His mother was a bitch (we had that in common) DOB: October 18, 1993.

We actually didn’t pick him up from the breeder until December 18th 1993 just in time for my Birthday.

So after the love of my life (ha!) whom I moved 3,00 miles across the country to be with; decided after more than 6 years, that he couldn’t live without the younger, handsomer, caterer he hired for our Christmas party, this despite the fact that the lad nearly poisoned all of our friends with undercooked turkey, I got custody of Willie the cat & Sam the dog…the kids. Oh & $5,000 out of the $1.8 Million he had made that year. It was the best “Severance Package” I ever got.

Somebody once said that to own a pet is a guaranteed heart ache. The odds are just no good that they will outlive you. And so here sits Sam, now on my desk, in a lovely urn from Smith & Hawken; waiting for me, like always, to come home & take him out for a walk.

Happy 16th Birthday Buddy!

I love & miss you