25 Things I Hate About Facebook

1. It’s addictive.
2. Its just more pressure! Now in addition to checking my work email, my personal email, my home phone messages, my cell phone messages & my instant messages; I have to check my facebook page just as often.
3. I feel compelled to be doing something interesting so I post in my “What are you doing right now?” status section.
4. I feel guilty when I check my “online friends” notifications & don’t im every one who’s on.
5. I sometimes “request” friends just to keep my numbers up
6. I just don’t acknowledge “friend requests” if we have no friends in common. But I’m afraid to click “ignore” because I don’t want to piss anybody off.
7. I love hearing from old grade school & high school friends but after the initial “requests” just what the hell do I say when they still live “there” & I am “here”?
8. I sometimes accidently write on someone’s “Wall” when I mean to send them a private message just between us. Yike!”
9. I get annoyed at these folks who are constantly updating their “Profile Photos” because I get a new message from facebook that they have done so & I get a banner that says “65 of your friends have updated their profile photos” Its like “oh wait…I look better in this one!” or “Here I am at Mt. Everest” Just find a good recent one & stick with it, I say.
10. Anyone can upload photos of you & put them on facebook & “tag” you without a right of first refusal or any kind of input on your part! Even old crappy prom pictures!
11. Photos are automatically uploaded to your profile but there is another separate button to “save photos to your profile” that I continually click thus posting the same photos & captions twice!
12. I sometimes click on the hot photos of the “friends of my friends” and think about asking those people to be my friends too but always chicken out.
13. There is a NEW hateful facebook feature called” 25 random things you don’t know about me” Well if they’re so random AND I don’t know them then why are you insisting on telling me them on facebook! I swear its like the essay/BlueBook section of a FINAL EXAM.
14. People with kids: Christ! Its enough that you send me their adorable photos on your Christmas cards that I can never throw away even though I do not know these tots but it just feels WRONG! But do I have to be inundated with their adorable mugs (& God forbid; QUOTES!) on facebook too!?
15. I am now reduced to posting photos of glamorous trips I’ve been on 5, 6, 10 years ago just so I can seem to be living some sort of interesting life.
16. I hate the “People You May Know” section. Shit I “may” know George Clooney one day too, but I think I’ll KNOW it when it happens”
17. People “Suggesting” friends to me. O.K. if you would like to introduce me to your friend because you think we may have a lot in common & get on like a house-a-fire & we can all go out for drinks on Friday night; great!! Otherwise let’s don’t & say we did!!
18. Celebrities on facebook. And do not kid yourself they are ALL on there. They just use weird, indecipherable, screen names. Ahh just stick with your own kind!
19. I feel the need to comment on everyone else’s comments
20. People using facebook to sell something. Like someone works for SMITH BARNEY & you get a notice that Jack Smith just became a FAN of SMITH BARNEY
21. People who become FANS of something or join causes & pressure me to join them as well!
22. “Snowballs” “Hugs” and all that other interactive crap.
23. People who use facebook to announce their birthdays in a desperate attempt at hundreds of Happy Birthday Messages (yea o.k. I’m guilty of that too!)
24. People who use facebook as a star-fucking, name-dropping, resume builder as in: “Jason just got done shooting a feature film in Paris with GEORGE CLOONEY & is so exhausted but has to get up at 5:00 am & shoot a portfolio for Italian Vogue & then meet the Ambassador for drinks at the Ritz! What are YOU up to?”
25. Its addictive.